Finding Balance in our Christian home

Finding Balance in our Christian home

Dear​(dom female){{Joshua My} • Feb 10, 2020

My husband and I Recently started D/s. I am the Dom and my husband is the sub and we are 24/7. He asked me and it all just comes naturally to us. However; I struggle often because He is head of household and finding a balance is hard for me this causes a fierce dom drop. But in the moment Of our scenes everything feels whole. And he ensures me that I have never stepped over the line to stripping his respect and last say. Is there anyone more seasoned that can help me find the right balance or maybe mentor me? I prefer a women in the same position as me or even a man who will not judge. If mentoring isn’t your thing and you have incite feel free to comment below. TIA.

Aria Quinn​(sub female){collared} • Feb 10, 2020

If you want him to be the head of the household and have the final say in your relationship but your the Dom during scenes then instead of trying to balance the two and have one dynamic where these two ideals have to co exist I would suggest separating the two. Outside of the bedroom/scenes live as any other Christian couple, he’s the head of the household you discuss things and come to decisions together ect, then during play time your Dom, discuss and negotiate what you both want/don’t want what are soft limits and hard limits, establish a safe word, how you both want to feel during and after a scene, what aftercare will look like ect. At that point you can fully play in your role knowing where the boundaries are and knowing that everything you are doing is completely constitutional and trust that he will use the safe word if he needs to. Hopefully that will help lessen the intensity of the Dom drop you are experiencing.

Dunimos​(dom male) • Feb 10, 2020

Establish protocol and ritual to set the mood of the playtime. This will help you both get in the right mindset.

Do this for both entering and exiting your scene. Protocol and ritual are huge aids in many ways.

My 2 cents.

Dunimos​(dom male) • Feb 10, 2020

@Erick. No offense friend but that makes about as much sense as saying since the bible doesnt say anything about 45 cal pistols... it's ok to shoot my annoying neighbor with one......

I think that's a fallacy by omission... cant remember.

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 10, 2020

@Dunimos:

Hmmmm..... Well, I suppose you might be right. I guess Rev. Pat didn't consider that.

Dear​(dom female){{Joshua My} • Feb 10, 2020

Erick sorry but not even kinda helpful. saying something so flippant is offensive not only to me and my husband but to the millions of people who are fighting for their transsexualism to be taken seriously. And Comments like yours is exactly why I felt the need to post in the first place. Shame on you.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Feb 10, 2020

There is no becoming... one is or is not.
Your opinion is rude and transphobic

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 11, 2020

Dear Dear & Dear djinni--

Very well. Sorry to have appeared "offensive" or "rude." (Or, Lord knows, "transphobic." There are few ways in our contemporary culture that a person can be more vehemently damned than by the accusation of "transphobia.")

I am aware that at this precise moment in our cultural history, it is considered just as heretical to say that Bruce Jenner, for example, is NOT actually a woman as it was, until fairly recently, to say that the universe did NOT actually begin somewhere around the Iron Age in an enchanted orchard in Mesopotamia, with a magic Apple and a magic Snake, and so forth and so on. These kinds of beliefs, concerned as they are with emotionally important subjects, often acquire the status of Sacred Doctrine no matter how much or how little they might have to do with common sense. Or reality.

But it's not my wish to be hateful, or even subversive. I honestly would like to know the truth about these things. I've already said so very clearly in another response I posted to another recent question about Sado-Masochism In The Modern Christian Home.

And although I haven't previously posted any opinions about transsexualism, I'd honestly like to know the truth about that subject too.

But in the long run, truth seldom has much to do with religious or political orthodoxy. Just consider:

A few short decades ago, the orthodox view was that you were born either "gay" or "straight" (a rather offensive label, by the way, even sillier than "gay"). It was represented to be a difference like the one between blue-eyed people and brown-eyed people. Anyone who questioned this idea was denounced as "Homophobic."

Then the ideology began to creep sideways a little bit, like the official edicts in Orwell's "Animal Farm." Soon, it was deemed possible to be born "Bi." But you were still BORN that way. Then some other letters and options were added to the deterministic menu. And now, it's officially considered possible to be "Fluid." In other words, you can make up your own mind. Which is exactly what the supposedly "Phobic" people were saying all along.

I predict that in a few years something similar is going to happen with the Transsexualism orthodoxy. Already we see increasing numbers of news stories about "transgender" people who "transitioned," but then later got tired of being the gender they angrily insisted they "really" were, and changed back to their "birth gender." (Which is now called "De-Transitioning.")

OK. Whatever. I would just like to see a consensus on the issue, and preferably something that has to do with good sense. Because regardless of what CNN or MS-NBC will tell you, most people simply do not believe that Fred Flintstone becomes Wilma whenever he puts on her clothes. Any more than they believe that the wild-eyed and rather preposterous Harvard Law Professor now running for President should be entitled to the special benefits of being a Cherokee Injun simply because she says she has a doggone powerful FEELING that she's a Cherokee Injun.

And another thing I must emphasize: When I said that Pat Robertson, who is really and truly one of the most influential Christians in the world, said homosexuals will burn in hell but transsexuals will not, I wasn't humorously inventing that. IT'S REALLY WHAT HE SAID. So, if you think that's nutty in some way, you should take it up with HIM.

Peace!

FLRs and Christianity

LadyLeiya​(dom female) • Feb 11, 2020

If it is the man who has the final say so.. then are all FLRs and Female Led Households in the wrong or not Christian-based. What if leading the household is of an idea of who is better for the task. If a man chooses to follow a woman not only in the bedroom but in all things does that make him wrong in his thinking? My ultimate idea is to have a household that is female-led. Where husband figure will rely on my judgment and final say. I was raised in a Christian home where my mother was "the absolute." If there was a question that needed to be answered it was .. ask your mother... or did you ask her permission/opinion before doing this or that. I can't recall a time when my mom ever relied on a man to make a decision first or last. She may have asked for his opinion or thought but it was ultimately going to be what she said.
I was thinking about this question over the weekend which sparked my response to your writing. I do want to hear what others have to say about the topic.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Feb 11, 2020

@Erick
Your constant need to elaborate and evangelize just continues to point out how wrong you are and makes matter worse. You openly say that you have never been a Christian, why are you even weighing in on a subject that you cannot speak from any experience or knowledge? Oh wait, it's to derail the subject and add shock and awe and now I'm not going to stand for your crap. Every time I speak on an educational post, it comes from a place of experience... can you say the same? I am from a tiny town in TN. Mostly conservative, white and VERY religious. I was a member of a full gospel church. You know holy rollers?.. Yep that was me. I spouted Bible verses and condemned people to hell without a second thought... all the time knowing that those "homos" that I condemned to split hell wide open, I was one of them. Now I'm a proud member of the LGBTQ and of the BDSM community, we all still have challenges but making jokes about transfolk is not acceptable here. I don't care if you quote Pat Robertson or Jesus Christ himself, stop it and stop justifying it.

These people who identify as they do.... they KNEW what they were most of their lives but didn't have a word for it. I speak of this because I am one of those people. I grew up "straight" but inside I always knew I was attracted to women. Societal, familial and cultural things being what they were, I never openly expressed these feelings. Instead I'd date or hookup with females secretly. In my old age, I've realized that I really couldn't give 2 shits about what anyone thinks and I'm openly bisexual and in love with a woman. Adding letters to the LGBTQ+ acronym is a blessing for those that struggle with who they are on the inside it gives them a name for what they always knew they were. In the same way that you struggle to find someone to give you the name of "mine". Tolerance and inclusion are foundations for this lifestyle.

My apologies to the original poster, Dear, for hopping on my soap box and derailing a subject that you are seeking knowledge on.