SubFrenzy

SubFrenzy

AnotherEnglishGirl​(sub female) • Mar 2, 2020

Hi!

I’m kinda new to the scene and most advice posts mention being ‘subfrenzy’ aware or tell you to recognise it in yourself, yet none really explain what subfrenzy is.

Could someone please clarify/ give tips on how to avoid or limit it?

Much Love x

SoftLily​(sub female) • Mar 2, 2020

From what I gather (and I could be wrong), it’s the idea that you get a lot of Doms messaging you and you feel like you have to jump on the first one you see. When I first joined, it was like that. Take your time to actually get to know people before doing anything. Also, if I’m wrong, correct me.



Also welcome!

StarkRost​(dom male) • Mar 2, 2020

Someone likely has a better definition or explanation but the core of the problem is letting the want or need of a connection with a Dom (sometimes coupled with what is wrongly perceived as "correct" submissive behavior) overruling common sense and good judgment. Softlily gave you the antidote: "Take your time to actually get to know people before doing anything."

As a general rule, the Doms (on this site, on other sites, and wherever you live) who are looking for something long-lasting will want to get to know you and build connections that have the promise of leading to worthwhile relationships. This site has that promise but if you prefer play dates and other short term connections, you can find that as well. Either way, be patient and be careful - not everyone who contacts you will be as they appear to be at first blush.

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Mar 2, 2020

In my opinion, I think of "sub frenzy" very similar to the saying "kid in a candy store". When you're new to the BDSM scene, or newly single, it's exciting, so many "flavours, types, assortments etc." You want it all and NOW. A perfect example of "sub frenzy" would be a sub is contacted by a Dom/me, who offers all these "promises" of the amazing world that BDSM is, and the sub jumps in, head first without taking the time to get to truly know the person (or vet) and before they (the sub) knows it, they're in over their heads, and usually in a bad situation.

To be clear sub frenzy is NOT just for NEW subs... I have seen/witnessed long time subs who have lived the lifestyle for a very long time, get caught up in "sub frenzy" because their newly single or whatnot. What it boils down to is.... slow and steady always wins the race. Take your time, do not allow someone to "collar" you immediately or tell you, that you're "theirs". That takes time, as in every thing in life.

The best way to go about entering into a dynamic is to think of it like the "probationary period" of a job. You have to "prove" yourself, your abilities, your loyalty etc. It should be the same in a dynamic.

Most importantly, a true experienced Dom/me will recognize "sub frenzy" and slow you down, go at a slower pace. The Dom/mes who want you to jump in right away, are usually the ones to stay away from.

I hope that all made sense and shone a bit of light on the subject.

Morley

Miki • Mar 2, 2020

My inbox exploded with would-be doms who looked at my pic and decided to pounce on me. Next to none bothered to read my profile where it explicitly stated that I am "Not Available for Online Meat and Greet and No KIK"

Fortunately now, after checking over 10 days, my inbox and Bond are blissfully vacant of come-ons.

The online scene may work for some, many even, but unless I am seen in the "Personals" section (Hint: I shall never go there)- write to me as friend only!!

Chil out, all cumbersome things pass like an hard lump of constipation.

JefferyJohn{Looking fo} • Mar 2, 2020

Hello. I would like to talk to you

Miki • Mar 2, 2020

@JefferyJohn
Replied personally. Thanks for responding.

Erick​(sub male) • Mar 2, 2020

You can avoid it or limit it by starting each day with a sauna, then an hour and half of cardio and tai chi, and then eating a breakfast salad made of wakame and arugula, with lactose-free fried tofu, gluten-free sesame croutons, and royal bee jelly. And lots of Mexican beer.

Lossofalme • Mar 2, 2020

At it's most basic, sub frenzy (and Dom frenzy, it's an equal opportunity experience) is that kid in a candy shop thing mentioned by Morley.

It's the "I want to try it all and I want to try it NOW" and the feeling that if you /don't/ do it now, you'll never ever do it at all.

The exact details are going to vary... Do you buy all the toys? Binge on all the porn? Go to every play party? Accept every request?

A lot of this isn't necessarily "bad"... But it can be problematic. If you ignore red flags or skip steps in vetting someone, you might end up physically hurt. If you are in such a hurry to try the next thing, you might not let yourself saver what you have at the moment (and miss out on a deeper experience, or decide on the basis of a single possibly rushed whatever that it's "not your thing"). If you blow your budget on toys you discover you don't even enjoy...well, then you don't even have fun toys to make the next month's tighter budget bearable.

Anyway. Keeping a journal or notebook of some sort is a great awareness tool...I like bullet journaling and have one just for kink. Adding just ten or fifteen minutes of yoga or meditation is another wonderful way to show down (and yoga is good for checking in with your body and preparing for some kinky activities). Making sure you consider and discuss aftercare in addition to limits and play preferences... Eat a balanced diet, stay hydrated, and remember the fun is in the journey so enjoy it!

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Mar 2, 2020

Agreed with all said here. If the right Dom is amongst all of the Doms contacting a new to the lifestyle or newly single sub... It can be a good thing. But the problem is, sub frenzy can be very overwhelming. Getting 20 messages from different Doms a day can be exciting for someone who is looking, but many include things like.... Let's meet, let's hook up right from the beginning. Or.. I'll be your Dom. And for people who are new to the lifestyle especially, this can be enticing, but very dangerous. Subs get hurt. And they can get a false representation of what a true Dom /sub relationship should be like.