Online training? Seriously?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 24, 2020

No ad hominum simply the premise of your model of what is bdsm and it is your opening post and its vibe, attitude, agenda I was replying to so yes the replies are for you.

Go re read your op and try and see what is contained within, a dismissive attitude re the possibility that online has value. “Online training? Seriously?“ That is dismissive in tone, as is your op in my view.

I am pretty sure those who favour your view will swarm in soon to attack me (and say what you would like to hear) but I am used to it. Online training and dynamics have value and do contain the things you imply they don’t.

MeisterGerald​(dom male) • Mar 24, 2020

Sigh. I was quoting the OP's original statement. It's in quotes. For reasons. My statements:


Statement 1:

Meaningful communication and emotional bonds form the core of a BDSM relationship. This communication can take many forms over many mediums.

Statement 2:

Sexual play simply for the sake of sexual titillation and release does not create the deep bond mentioned above, and will fail to do so without meaningful communication between partners regardless of the method of sexual play.


were neutral and balanced, did not contain ad hominum, and should have been a point all parties could have agreed on. But carry on with the pissing match.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 24, 2020

I will also assume that this was meant for me, rather than MeisterGerald.



Honestly, you have very little idea about my attitude, since you cannot see my face, nor hear my voice. You have made an assumption about me. BTW, who said I didn't like it? And naturally my view isn't the only way. It would be correct, however, to say it's the only way for *me*.


Quite true.. Anything I post here is, by definition, my opinion, unless of course I'm quoting someone else.



To be clear: I don't believe that online "training", (e.g. in various "slave positions" and protocols), as I've seen it has the depth of communication, complexity, nuance and yes, meaning as a real-life in person total power exchange situation. This is not an attack on online play parties, nor on online interaction, as you seem to think it is. I write my essays from the perspective of an alpha male dominant in a real, live, TPE 24/7, 365 situation, because that is my truth and my way. And, I often use humor as a means of making a point, as I did with this one.

Now, perhaps I could've chosen my words with a bit more care. To be frank, this one was a bit "off the cuff", as I'd just read an "advertisement" by someone who clearly was talking out his nether regions, (not on this board).

Therefore, my post goes to this statement by MeisterGerald:
-- emphasis added.

I wish you well

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 24, 2020

In principal, I don't disagree. However, my point is that if a girl is attempting to explore her submission, there are far more meaningful ways, such as reading to children, or feeding the homeless for example. These things are not only safe for her, (in a proper environment), but will give her a deep sense of humility, and service which will do her and the world wonders.



*bingo*


I could accede this point. But really, I think one cannot fully appreciate the ocean by looking at a picture of it, and splashing oneself with water.

Good post! Well stated and well argued.

Be well

mmBeg​(sub female){Mister And} • Mar 24, 2020

As someone who had experience in a virtual relationship, I would like to chime in. Just as some may believe it is shallow to have an "online bdsm" experience, I would consider it shallow to "blanket judge" people who may or may have not gone through it.

Of course there are plenty of sham appearances out there, but not all of them are fake or shallow.

I speak from my personal experience. I have connected with someone here at the Cage last summer, someone who became my Mentor. Yes, in the beginning it was about "wading into the waters" and wanting to feel safe exploring the lifestyle, and someone with experience to guide me through it. Of course, eventually, meeting and continuing in real life was always on the table. It was never about "learning the positions" or proper protocols - it can all be learned from the books. I've been tested in obedience, my limits have been appropriately pushed, but most of all, I had a chance to connect with a Dominant mind, and, in time, his heart. What started out as an experiment, desire to learn, grew into a strong bond between Sir and his little girl. We lived far apart, and certain circumstances prevented us from ever meeting - we planned to, until His untimely death intervened.

During our 6 months relationship, I've learned more about myself than I could in any book. I've been put through ringers time and again to test my desire to please, to obey, and to fulfill His desires, not just in the kink realm, but in everyday life situation. He was fair, but very Dominant and sadistic, and I enjoyed and cherished every single day of making Him happy.

Ideally I would love to recover and find someone again - as my Sir wanted me to move on as his last wish for me - and I would want to be happy again, and make someone else happy in real life, but to put it in perspective I would take my virtual, but beyond meaningful experience over just the kink meetups every single time. Please, don't knock the virtual relationships down - some of them are more valid then some of the real-life ones...

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 25, 2020

I think you misunderstood the post. I'm not passing judgement on anyone.


Then, this would not be the sort of thing of which I spoke.


*bingo*


Firstly, my sympathies and condolences, and that's from the heart. Take a look at my profile, and you'll understand why.
But, again, you see, what you experienced here was not "slave/submission training", at least not the type I referred to. The very fact that the end-goal wasn't a scam, wasn't a sham, and wasn't a wannabee trying to get naked pictures of girls on the 'net while trying to hide them from his wife. You see, *that* is the sort of thing I had in mind when I wrote the piece.


I sincerely hope that you do find what you most desire. I lost my own girl, (ovarian cancer sucks!) During the last couple of months of her illness she repeatedly asked me to find love again, and even compiled a list of her friends which might be interested.

As for kink meetups -- meh, not for me either -- I want/need a *real* connection, that is deep, complex, dynamic, sensual, fulfilling in *every* way. Frankly one-night-stands and the like don't make the grade as far as I'm concerned.

Please understand, I'm not knocking virtual *relationships* at all. My girl and I met online, exchanged email addresses, then phone numbers, became good friends, had lengthy discussions on every conceivable subject from quantum physics to the Peloponnessian and Trojan wars and the battle at Thermopylae. It was 6 years before we met in person and another 4 before we married.

Here's what didn't happen: I didn't offer to "train" her, nor did she ask me to. There was no play-acting, no "scenes", no guile, no lying. Did I dominate her? you bet your sweet ass I did. But, you see neither of us was looking for a sham, nor to scam the other.

Be well,
--SR

"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln.... did you enjoy the play?"

mmBeg​(sub female){Mister And} • Mar 25, 2020

skyrich, your very first post triggered me a bit... reading the rest of the posts it became clear that you are speaking of the pseudo-trainers. Thank you for clarification. You are right, there are plenty of scammers everywhere, and BDSM community is not exempt.

My condolences on your loss, as well... I believe true D/s dynamic relationships have bonds that bleed harder when they are cut. I hope you will be happy again.

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Mar 25, 2020

if someone was interested in online sub training....what would that consist of...or better yet, what should people who are interested in that look out for so they are not taken advantage of

Greendrogan​(sub male) • Mar 25, 2020

I personally did take it as talking about scammers is why I wrote the post I did. Maybe I have just run afoul of them more because they see an older man who is still relatively a newbie to the lifestyle and think to themselves that this guy is desperate. Well I will tell you one thing. While it is true I would love to find someone I am not desperate enough to send hundreds of dollars to someone I've never met. And that was what I was trying to convey to others who are looking. I had one who wanted me to send her an $820.00 "training commitment fee" so we could continue with my training. The thing is they don't start off asking for anything to being with. I went through a couple of weeks of us supposedly getting to know each other before she hit me with the "fee".

So you see for me the online experience has been truly a bad one. I have not had a person yet like the ones here who advocate for online training to contact me a saying "I'm willing to help you out with some of the prelim stuff and BTW I won't charge you a dime?". I'm being sarcastic by the way.

I just know how easy it is to fall for these types of traps when the odds are so stacked against you, More subs than there are Doms. Just look at the personal ads. I fell for one many years ago and if I can help keep someone else from falling into the same trap then I feel I have done some good.

Greendrogan​(sub male) • Mar 25, 2020

As I was writing my last post I get notification from a different site of a message and a flirt. One is from a 31 year old from Los Angeles, CA and the other a 33 year old from Deforest, WI. And my profile clearly states I'm from Nashville, TN. Really???? They have scam written all over them.