How to let someone know they aren't your type?

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Mar 29, 2020

Just say ..not even with rubber gloves !!!

kidding

As everyone says..be direct and honest and polite , thus saying that you'd be surprised how many people I 'politely' upset by being so

Stevevo​(dom male) • Mar 29, 2020

It’s not about their feelings now, it’s about their feelings later.

Telling them honestly that you enjoy them but not in the same way; will keep them from hurting in the future.

Curious Raven​(other female) • Mar 29, 2020

Curious why this would be any different than a vanilla dating situation?

Personally, I acknowledge what I’ve enjoyed in my interaction with the person, simply state that I don’t feel the right connection and wish them all the best. Unless I’m cutting ties because they’ve behaved like a jerk...in which case I might be more specific.

I think it’s really important to say something, even by text. Ghosting is the worst!

Dunimos​(dom male) • Mar 30, 2020

@ Curious Raven
It's not really any different but what is different is the emotional depth that some perhaps many submissives feel and the intentional nature of this kind of relationship. Let's face it, for the most part many submissives are looking for a partner to surender all to. That's not the same as picking up someone at the bar and hitting it off well. So, being direct and honest early on will save them from the agony of searching for one they can finally give over all.

This is really a huge difference. Even though that kind of reaction happens in a vinella relationship too, but truth be told, the nature of wounded party is probably more inclined for this type of relationship in the first place.

RavenN • Mar 30, 2020

Like removing a bandaid...
However, if you've been in a dynamic together and it just isn't working out (one-sided) please be as honest and compassionate as possible and don't shut down future communication.

Al Le Gory​(sadist female) • Mar 31, 2020

If diplomacy has failed I'd tell them to fuck off. As for their feelings...learn from the experience and evolve.

Little moon​(sub female){Not lookin} • Mar 31, 2020

Be honest, blunt and open about it. Incompatibility is exactly that, if something doesn't gel or fit no amount of beating around the topic (or lube for that matter ) is going to MAKE it fit.
There should be a certain amount of compromise but it's not fair to either party just to settle for less, it will lead to complications later and unnecessary drama. But communicating is key and if you don't make it personal there's no reason they should take it as a personal rejection.

CheekiCheshire​(sub female){Collared} • Apr 1, 2020

Assuming it is someone I have had really conversations with - I prefer a softer message: We are not a good fit. It could be that I am not a good fit for your needs, or you aren't for mine. Neither of us did anything wrong. There is nothing to "fix"...it just isn't a good fit.

I have had to tell a few D/types no because of a specific reason. It did not go well:
In one case, he had 1001 reasons/excuses why the red flag didn't mean what I thought it meant. All that did was to confirm that what I thought was a character flaw actually was.

With another, I was yelled at for having a limit {clearly stated on my profile} with things like"Well why didn't you say so *before* instead of wasting my time?"

pghsubmale​(sub male) • Apr 1, 2020

"Thanks for the interest, but we're not a match."

TheDankLord​(switch male) • Apr 5, 2020

I was in a situation like this just recently.

I'm not super picky with a lot of things. Height, race, even age within certain reasonable parameters, and definitely different kinks/fetishes are things I'm pretty flexible about when it comes to partners and I really try my best not to be shallow. But one thing that really does turn me off is people who are overweight/obese. Yes this can come across as harsh for many, especially here in the US where most people are pretty darn big, and since I'm not the perfect model of fitness myself (I'm not "fat" per say but I have a slight gut and I have to be really careful what I eat because I gain weight easily); however, it is just so difficult for me to be attracted to a fat person they're just not my type.

Recently had a conversation with someone online. Only had a picture of their face. They were significantly older than I was but I was ok with that, she seemed really sweet and had a lot of similar interests. She asked me about my desires, my kinks and my "type". It came out that I'm not into overweight people. Turns out she was. It was really difficult. She took it well but I still felt kind of bad. She seemed sweet, friendly, a truly kind human being who is deserving of love and kindness. But she just wasn't my type, and when she told me she was overweight I'd already mentioned that was a turn off for me.

Its hard, but I've convinced myself I need to forgive myself. Attraction, at least in the initial phase, is necessary for a relationship to get off the ground and work. What I recognize is that what this woman both desires and deserves is more than I'd be able to offer her, and she is better of pursuing someone who is attracted to or at least ok with overweight people.

Best advice I have is be honest, but really try to do so in a way that is polite and kind. Don't call names, don't be cruel, don't degrade/demean the person. Recognize that they are a beloved child of God as we all are, and that their worth as a human being is about far more than whether you are attracted to them. But at the end of the day, you need to be honest. Relationships require honesty to work and without it you're only fooling the other person maybe even yourself too. They may not like what you say. Even if you try to avoid it, you may still hurt the persons feelings or make them feel sad, especially with how fragile and sensitive people are these days. But if they are rational and mature they will be able to move on, and accept that it wasn't meant to be. If they don't; if they get angry, call you names, or try to get revenge against you.... then be glad you voiced concerns now and didn't end up with that person.