everyone has a joke in them let's hear your fav

No Body​(dom male) • May 12, 2020

3 guys in a bar get drunk as hell. They do this every Friday butb this week they are so drunk and it is so late. So the come up with a plan. When they get home they will do what ever the wife says no matter what.

So they meet up the next night and talk about what happened. First guy comes in sits and orders a drink. Second guys comes in and orders a drink. Third guys comes in sits down and has his hands cupped closed.

First guy says "ok I got home and ran into the garage. Wife yells out the window "why don't you tear the fucking garage down!" So I did.

Second guy says "I got into the garage ok but when I opened the door it came off the hinges" She yelled "tear down the fucking house asshole". I did.

Third guys says " I got into the garage ok I made it into the house ok. Got up stairs and took off my clothes and crawled into bed. I reached over and patted her butt and she said "knock it off!" He opens his hands and says "You guys ever see one of these?"

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 12, 2020

I just spilled a load of scrabble letters on the road... I wanted to know what the word on the street was

TNS​(dom male){TSS} • May 12, 2020

two guys walk into a bar
the third guy ducked

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 12, 2020

Three blondes walk into a building

Pffftt.... You'd think that ONE of them would have seen it!

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 12, 2020

It upset me so much when I lost my thesaurus that I was lost for words

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 12, 2020

Ok... I know I'm gonna catch it from the "brat pack" for this one. But yanno... every once in a while I gotta tweak SBD in the nose.

Three blondes are stuck on an island, and can't figure out how to get home. As they walk around exploring their options, they find the proverbial brass lantern, and out pops a genie, who tells them he'll grant them each one wish.

The 1st blonde says: "Make me smart enough to figure out a way off this island."
The genie says: "Done!" She turns into a brunette, runs off into the jungle, pulls down some vines, finds some bamboo, lashes it all together with the vines and floats away on the tide.

The 2nd blonde, seeing this, says: "Make me twice as smart as her, I want a faster way off the island."
The genie says: "Done!" She turns into a redhead, runs off into the jungle, finds some flint, and a good rock, makes an axe, chops down a tree, hollows out the trunk, turns it into a canoe, makes a oar out of one of the branches, and soon she's passing the first blonde.

The 3rd blonde, looks at the genie and says: "Make me twice as smart as both of them combined. I want the fastest way off the island!"
The genie says: "Done!" She turns into a man, and walks home on the bridge.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 13, 2020

I once made a belt out of old wrist watches....

.... it was a complete waist of time.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 13, 2020

I just killed my limo driver I don't know why, it's not like I've got anything to chauffeur it.)

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 13, 2020

A man who lived in a block of flats thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from and saw a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he shouted up to her. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner.There's plenty; would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then asked, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 13, 2020

I laugh every time I read this