LittleMissM(sub female){NotLooking}
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3 years ago •
Jun 21, 2020
A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humour!” The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!!" |
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Road Toad
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
A young boy just passed his driver's licenses test.
He wanted to use his father's car, his father said: "clean up your act, bring your grades up and cut your hair I will let you have the car". A few months went by the kid stayed out of trouble and raised his GPA, he confronted his father, "my GPA is up I have not been in any trouble can I have the keys to the car"? His father said "you haven't cut your hair" His son replied, "Jesus had long hair, Mosses had long hair, what's the big deal"? To which his father said, "Yes, they did but they walked everywhere they went"! |
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Road Toad
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer.
He said to himself, "Well since I'm going to have a farm, I might as well have animals on it." So the doctor got in his truck to go looking. Along the way, he spotted a sign saying, "Cocks 4 Sale." He pulled over and asked the farmer what a cock was. "A cock is a rooster," the farmer replied. So the doctor bought a cock and put it in the back of his truck. He continued on his way until he saw a sign saying, "Pullets 4 Sale." The doctor pulled over and asked the farmer what a pullet was. "A pullet is a hen," the farmer replied. "But sometimes a cock and pullet will fight, so watch out." So the doctor thanked the farmer and went on his merry way. Down the road a bit, there was another sign saying, "Asses 4 Sale." So the doctor pulled over again to ask. "An ass is a donkey," the farmer replied. "But watch out because this donkey is different. If he gets scared, he'll sit down and won't move until you scratch his belly." The doctor thanked this farmer and turned around to head home. Well, on the road was a broken bottle and the doctor's truck ran over it. Pop!!!! With the sound, the cock and pullet started to fight and the donkey sat on the spare tire. A lady just happened to be passing by and asked if the doctor needed help. Wanting to sound like a professional farmer, The Doctor replied. "Yes, I need your help. Will you please hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?" |
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Noodz(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
Took the kids to feed the ducks today
Turns out ducks don't like the taste of kids |
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Noodz(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
I fell asleep on a plug socket earlier, nothing beats a power nap
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Noodz(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator ?
You take note of whether it sees you later or in a while |
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Noodz(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
"what are your plans for today ?"
"A friend of mine & I are going to buy some glasses" "and after that ?" "and after that we will see" |
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
@Noodz: Ouch
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
Question:
If the bird of war is the Eagle. And the bird of peace is the Dove. What is the bird of birth control? Answer: The swallow. |
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Bunnie
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3 years ago •
Jun 25, 2020
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old timer, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these hens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over.." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters go running by. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Damn.....third gay rooster I bought this month." |
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