BabyTgirl(sub female){Not lookin}
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3 years ago •
Jun 24, 2020
How sexual Does a BDSM relationship need to be?
Hi! I am a demisexual submissive and wanted to get some opinions and advice on how sexual BDSM relationships are. I've read books and blogs that have BDSM relationships with demisexual subs and a Dominant that was patient and okay with that arrangement but I don't want to get too caught up in a fantasy. Of course later on in the relationship once we create deeper emotional connections I would be interested in the sexual aspects. But for now I would like to have a BDSM relationship (in the future) without the pressure of sex. For example I am a rope bunny and I'm intrigued by bondage, so something I believe I would really enjoy, after reading a scene similar, is the be tied up and then cuddled. Is that weird? I was asked on another forum if I was a little since demisexuality is common in the DDLG(B)/MDLB(G) community, but I would consider myself more of a "middle". While I am looking for a Daddy Dominant and do enjoy some activities catered to children, I do not have a little space. But I digress, my main question is: are there Dominants out there with the patience this type of relationship would require? And where are some good places to look for them? I appreciate any advice and insight form anyone willing!
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Online now
rottenbrat(sub female){Skyrich}
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3 years ago •
Jun 24, 2020
I will apologize in advance because I am doing something below that most people hate (I know I do) by answering a question with more questions. I think you will see why in a moment.
How sexual do you want your relationship to be? Where do your values and boundaries around this allow you to be comfortable and NOT compromise yourself? What do you want ultimately out of your relationship? Is casual, and open your target or are you looking for committment and monogamy? The answer to your question is out there, but it is wrapped up in the answers that go along with all the questions above (and arguably many more) that only YOU can make decisions about. From my own personal experience I can tell you I have been on both ends of the spectrum and just about everywhere inbetween, from compromising my values and boundaries to upholding them and surrounding myself with people who expect me to uphold them for my own sake. I will always and infinitely prefer the connections and genuineness that comes with respecting myself first and not allowing others or myself to compromise that. And Yes...... the right Dom for you is out there. You will need to be patient and steadfast since you don't know how long it will take him to rise to the surface. This was the hardest part for me. It took 16 + years but we found eachother. |
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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3 years ago •
Jun 24, 2020
A common misconception and fallacy about BDSM is that: "It's all about sex". In fact many times, it's not AT ALL about sex. And, this makes for a good measure of a potential partner.
If you are approached by a potential dom, or if you approach him, it makes no difference, and the conversations rapidly runs to sex, or he wants naked pictures, or a "hook up". That's a solid red-flag that he's not a dom at all. What you have there is a Horny Net Geek. A dom will be patient. He doesn't want to just jump into your panties. He wants your mind. He knows that if he has your mind, your body will be his as well. But, it's the mind that he wants first and foremost. So, to answer your question: "How sexual does a BDSM relationship have to be?" Only as sexual as you WANT it to be. |
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BabyTgirl(sub female){Not lookin}
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3 years ago •
Jun 24, 2020
rottenbrat wrote: I will apologize in advance because I am doing something below that most people hate (I know I do) by answering a question with more questions. I think you will see why in a moment.
How sexual do you want your relationship to be? Where do your values and boundaries around this allow you to be comfortable and NOT compromise yourself? What do you want ultimately out of your relationship? Is casual, and open your target or are you looking for committment and monogamy? The answer to your question is out there, but it is wrapped up in the answers that go along with all the questions above (and arguably many more) that only YOU can make decisions about. From my own personal experience I can tell you I have been on both ends of the spectrum and just about everywhere inbetween, from compromising my values and boundaries to upholding them and surrounding myself with people who expect me to uphold them for my own sake. I will always and infinitely prefer the connections and genuineness that comes with respecting myself first and not allowing others or myself to compromise that. And Yes...... the right Dom for you is out there. You will need to be patient and steadfast since you don't know how long it will take him to rise to the surface. This was the hardest part for me. It took 16 + years but we found eachother. Thank you for answering! I'm looking for a serious and monogamous relationship. I want to wait until I get to know the Dominant better and really build a foundation and intimacy before having sex. I've tried a few apps but finding a Dominant is a scary process. Lol trying weed out the abusers and ppl there just for sex can make the process disheartening. |
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BabyTgirl(sub female){Not lookin}
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3 years ago •
Jun 24, 2020
skyrich wrote: A common misconception and fallacy about BDSM is that: "It's all about sex". In fact many times, it's not AT ALL about sex. And, this makes for a good measure of a potential partner.
If you are approached by a potential dom, or if you approach him, it makes no difference, and the conversations rapidly runs to sex, or he wants naked pictures, or a "hook up". That's a solid red-flag that he's not a dom at all. What you have there is a Horny Net Geek. A dom will be patient. He doesn't want to just jump into your panties. He wants your mind. He knows that if he has your mind, your body will be his as well. But, it's the mind that he wants first and foremost. So, to answer your question: "How sexual does a BDSM relationship have to be?" Only as sexual as you WANT it to be. Thank you! I really appreciate the advice. A lot of "Dominants" that have approached me have moved really fast. Not even trying to get to know me as a person but just trying to get my submission. It's a little scary. I can be timid and someone who is patient and careful is what I need I just don't know where to find that. |
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Redamancy
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3 years ago •
Jun 24, 2020
skyrich wrote: A common misconception and fallacy about BDSM is that: "It's all about sex". In fact many times, it's not AT ALL about sex. And, this makes for a good measure of a potential partner.
If you are approached by a potential dom, or if you approach him, it makes no difference, and the conversations rapidly runs to sex, or he wants naked pictures, or a "hook up". That's a solid red-flag that he's not a dom at all. What you have there is a Horny Net Geek. A dom will be patient. He doesn't want to just jump into your panties. He wants your mind. He knows that if he has your mind, your body will be his as well. But, it's the mind that he wants first and foremost. So, to answer your question: "How sexual does a BDSM relationship have to be?" Only as sexual as you WANT it to be. Yes yes yes!!! I agree with this so much. Thank you for putting it so clearly into words. |
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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3 years ago •
Jun 24, 2020
@BabyTGirl and @Redamancy
Yes, it can be hard, at times to recognize a Dom from an HNG. But, please read my very early Blog entries: "Responsibility" -- The nature of a Dom "Commitment" -- The nature of a sub. And also my newer one: "The Parable of the Gentleman and the Drunkard" -- delineates between the Dom and the HNG. [Yes, once again, I'm shamelessly self-promoting.  ]
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AllOfMe(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Jun 30, 2020
I'm a little new to this what exactly is a demisexual sub?....
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skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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3 years ago •
Jun 30, 2020
AllOfMe wrote: I'm a little new to this what exactly is a demisexual sub?....
See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_asexuality#Demisexuality Demisexuality A demisexual person does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a strong emotional connection with a prospective partner.] The definition of "emotional bond" varies from person to person. Demisexuals can have any romantic orientation. People in the asexual spectrum communities often switch labels throughout their lives, and fluidity in orientation and identity is a common attitude. Demisexuality is a common theme in romantic novels and has been termed compulsory demisexuality. Within fictitious prose, the paradigm of sex being only truly pleasurable when the partners are in love is a trait stereotypically more commonly associated with female characters. The intimacy of the connection also allows for an exclusivity to take place. |
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alawey(sub female){(OWNED BY }
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3 years ago •
Jun 30, 2020
Ok I will say this along with everyone else BDSM LIFESTYLE is NOT all about sex. Sex is the whip cream and cherry on top.
The LIFESTYLE is about trust and more. Look sometime we find the right person quickly and sometimes it takes longer . |
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