1 month ago • 06/30/2020 12:46 am
tallslenderguy(sub male) • 06/30/2020 12:46 am
idk, i imagine it's going to be different for everyone. i became a martial artist as an adult and seems i used it as a coping mechanism as well as a way to get me over the fear of fighting back. As a kid, my sub nature combined with my fear of defending myself made me an easy target.
i've healed over the years and as an adult i'm okay, but i think my experiences molded me to some degree? i almost back kicked a guy into next week when he presumed to get physically rough with me. He was just a hook up and we didn't know each other. i guess he read me as pretty submissive and assumed he could act without consent. i have self control, and he got the message and stopped without anything happening, he really reversed after my response.
my point is, i know there are certain behaviors that will trigger me from the abuse history. i'm careful to tell people up front that i am not a masochist because there's lots of behavior and attitudes that some assume identifying as sadists that will trigger me. Force, bullying, roughness, are triggers, so i am up front that i am not looking for that kind of Top/Dom.
And that's not all that hard to avoid. i go for the cerebral, affectionate, seductive Top/Dom. Frankly, they have to power to put me in sub headspace. i look for compatibility of kinks because to me, kinks are how our needs/wants present. An affectionate Dom with compatible kinks can put me in sub headspace. i've also identified some of my kinks that can keep me at the edge of that headspace so it's not all that challenging to get me there if the Dom/Top has the keys, keys my Top/Dom figures out, and keys i give as part of the process of relationship.