posing a question

posing a question

Lucilla​(sub female) • Jul 14, 2020

to all the doms and subs and switches out there, how do you expect your partner to communicate their thoughts and feelings? i generally have trouble voicing my feelings but when i do im pretty blunt, which can often annoy doms and put them off.

would you prefer bluntness or being eased into it? do you read them well enough to know when something's off or do you expect them to tell you when something is wrong? or would you rather have a no-strings-attached kind of relationship?

SailorDom​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2020

There's a difference between blunt and disrespectful. "Blunt" can be used as an excuse to be disrespectful. I want my sub to be honest with me, but in a respectful manner.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2020

Good morning.

Directly works best. If an issue arises, whether in the relationship or in life in general, just bring it up. As the relationship evolves and the dynamic improves, as long as both parties are being open, honest and transparent, then you’ll be able to read each other during great times and hard times. And the longer you are together the better you will read one another.

Although I’d hope that I’d be able to see that my partner is suffering or in angst, I might not know why - hence direct communication. As SailorDom indicates above, a direct and respectful discussion would be well received by any mature, adult individual. I’d rather know (especially if its an issue that - no matter how minuscule - might morph into something that could endanger the relationship).

Great question. Have an excellent day.

LL

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Jul 14, 2020

taking your age into account I'm going to guess you Dom is young as well so you have to be gentile with him because he is not as secure in him self as he thinks he is. just a guess mind you this may not be true at all.

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • Jul 14, 2020

Going to assume that when you say “communicate thoughts and feelings,” you are referring to things going on in the dynamic / relationship ... I.e. an issue with your wants, needs, how things are going. If not, still a good example.

I have severe social anxiety and OCD, so when it comes to communication regarding those things I’m either going to keep it to myself / let it build because I’m anxious and/or it will come out blunt because I have an obsessive need to be clear about things. It’s never meant to be disrespectful.

How do I deal with that, and make that work with a partner? If you guessed be blunt and clear about that fact from the start

When getting to know people for the purpose of potentially starting a dynamic, I’m up front about my potential for being blunt / clear and the reason why. More importantly, I’m blunt / clear about my wants, needs, boundaries, and anything else important to know when comes to being with me. I expect the same from the other person ... and for either of us to walk away then if it isn’t a fit or something that can be handled.

Doing so means that, the majority of the time, issues regarding those things won’t come up and if / when they do I (1) will be less likely keep the issue to myself because expectations were known and (2) if I respond bluntly, it is understood that a line regarding them was crossed and that there is nothing disrespectful about me speaking up about it. And, again, I expect the same thing from the other person.

The shorter answer (excuse the writer in me) ... if you’ve made yourself clear from the start or along the way about something, and an issue comes up regarding it, you should feel free to speak up and/or be blunt about it and not keep it to yourself. There is nothing wrong or disrespectful about that, ever.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2020

Bluntness works so much better than having to guess at such things through odd looks and irregular body movements

raiseaneyebrow • Jul 14, 2020

Ultimately the whole thing relies so heavily on effective communication that a solution has to be found. So perhaps if you find you are blunt your Dom can eventually work with it. Perhaps if it’s more a tone of voice and delivery issue then written word or text may be more effective.

Blunt or otherwise these conversations need to be had. I would personally rather learn how to interpret my subs blunt tone than worry she isn’t voicing herself or that I am hearing her fully.