Do you use conventional dating apps?

Do you use conventional dating apps?

DesertLizard​(sub female) • Jul 26, 2020

From what I have read on here and elsewhere, as a submissive, it can be very difficult to find a Dom that is a good fit–and the other way around. So when you are looking for a partner, besides looking in the local kink community and on websites that are specifically dedicated to BDSM, do you also use conventional dating apps to find a mate? I have in mind OkCupid, Tinder, and Bumble, for example. And if so, do you state on your profile that you are a sub/Dom or that you are kinky? Or, if not, when you match with someone, do you bring up that topic fairly quickly?

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male) • Jul 26, 2020

the recent economic crisis has made many advertisement revenue sites effectively worthless from shear lack of features and ignoring their target market, like proximity.

Bunnie • Jul 27, 2020

Through the recommendation of someone I once knew, I tried OkCupid. I stated that I was submissive and I answered as many of the questions as I could, because I was enthusiastic lol, and figured that if I followed all the rules and did it as best as I could, I would have created the best situation for success. I was amazed... there was a guy who was a 98% match who seemed kinda cool, didn’t live too far away (because at the time I was on it, it was based on proximity), didn’t come across as being a closet psycho and was curious about my submissive tendencies. Score! We arranged to meet. Yikes. I haven’t dated much, and this was my first experience after coming out of a 10yr relationship/marriage. Let’s just say at the time it was enough to make me decide that I wouldn’t be doing that again. I realised that I didn’t want to waste my time at first feeling like an encyclopaedia for someone’s curiosity... and then being shamed because of their lack of understanding for my choice to live that way. Obviously my reality didn’t match the fantasy he had conjured up in his mind. I decided I would rather meet people who already had a foot in the door of this lifestyle. For the depths that I desire to go to with someone it just seemed like a wiser choice at the time. Nowadays I’ve learned to never say never. My recognition of certain character traits I’m attracted to is a lot better, and I understand myself a lot better too.

My other experience on OkCupid was pure accident. I was trying to find another friends profile but I couldn’t, so the only way I thought to find it was to change my location and go through the profiles that came up one by one. I came across a rather impressive profile of a Dom, who communicated very clearly what and who he was. Swoon lol. I really really wanted to contact him, but he was in another state. Finally I messaged and explained how I came across his profile and just left it to the universe. He replied and we spoke on the phone for the whole day. It was amazing. We really clicked. He gave me his email, and gave me some rules. He then began arranging for us to meet. Yes... this was within 24hours of contact. It felt way too fast, but he really seemed like he knew what he was doing, so I thought I was just being a scaredy cat newbie prude. The more we emailed, and the more he demanded of me, the more the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach grew. I was caught between the possibility of everything I had dreamed of... and this damn niggly feeling that just wouldn’t shut up and let me be.
Finally I realised that it didn’t matter whether he was legitimate or not... whether it was too fast or too slow or completely normal. Why did none of those things matter? Because I realised that it didn’t feel right *for me* and I had to listen to and honour that. I told him it was too fast for me, I thanked him for his time, and I wished him well. To this day I don’t know if he was legitimate or not... he actually did seem to be, and he was a lovely man... but for whatever reason, it wasn’t for me. That taught me a very important lesson. Always trust that the decisions you make are the right ones for you, at that point in time, for whatever reason.

One thing I did realise later about the methods they use on OkCupid that did mislead me... if I answer 100 questions, and someone answers 3... if we match on those three answers, our % for matching will be ultra high... so don’t use that as a compatibility gauge.

But if it’s something you want to explore, go give it a go... follow the breadcrumbs... you never know. A saying I love is “follow your heart, but remember to take your brain with you.”

DrWakko • Jul 27, 2020

There are a dozen or so dating apps on the iphone alone dedicated to kink. From what I've seen the OkCupid app is pretty good a lot of people that are on sites like OkCupid are also on fet. I suggest joining fet then going to events and dropping your fet name. If someone is interested they will message you because they saw you at an event or are going to the same event as them. One of the safest places you can meet someone is at an event.

Good luck

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jul 28, 2020

I've used vanilla sites for poly partner searches. Like Bunnie I have found matches but also like Bunnie I've had do that "encyclopaedia for someone’s curiosity" its got its pros and cons. I decided in the end it was to much effort to wade through (but I was looking for poly) I think depending on how important Kink is to you or if you have a fetish, it can be avenue when you're coming up empty handed on the kink sites. I think as an "additional" search it can have benefits. Often if a person is paying to "advertise" they are often more genuine in wanting, what they pay for. Sometimes you just need to use every thing that is available to bet the bad numbers.
Use ALL that is at your finger tips and also firmly plant your feet within the face to face community.

heartbrokengirl​(sub female) • Jul 28, 2020

I would never recommend Tinder unless your strictly looking for a hookup. If that is what your looking for and not anything serious go for it! haha
or if your looking for entertainment -- very good place to find it cheesy pick up lines and crazy conversations

Ugh. I have so many Tinder horror stories, in my experience (just my own personal experience) they were all super fake on tinder. Pictures didn't match what the person looked after talking to them. A lot of married men looking for a side fuck. a lot of just plain icky vibes and messages.

Blissful Enigma • Jul 28, 2020

While at the moment; I am not active with any dating sites/apps; I have attempted to use OKCupid and Tinder however I find that neither were right for me in looking for what I want in a relationship. Tinder was the worst for me which I believe I only had on my phone for a few hours as I wanted more than simply to hook up. With okcupid I had one or two people I'd meet up with but it never went anywhere; I don't hold my bad luck against the sites/apps. I think they may work for other people; simply not for myself.

I figured I'd stick to this site and fetlife as for me; it feels like less of a time commitment thing; I suppose part of the reason is both are kinky related sites but also I don't feel as rushed in responding to those I may be interested in. I feel I can take my time in getting to know others and eventually meeting if it leads into that particular direction.

Angelofsomekind​(sub gender fluid) • Jul 28, 2020

I use bumble and tinder. I don't list anything kinky other than they have to be open minded. I also say no to anyone who has things in their profile that would lead me to believe they wouldn't be accepting.
That said, I've had very few matches and have yet to meet anyone from either.

Notely • Jul 28, 2020

I have tried many over the years like Alt , Fet , match , harmony . yahoo chat back then , secondlife , cupid , plenty fish , imvu , forums but tend to like this one better. Meet some wonderful people in my time we live and learn not make connection to see builds a connection . Best kind of things will happen unexpected when you least expect it. I have found people unexpected after having a break not even thinking or worrying but manifest .

last time I dated anyone was last sept I turned back my profile back on put new photo's up wrote some new things just showed up as myself. And one person truly sparked me could read my eyes well he did not rush me or force he took the time he know been a long time got he lead the way but after we changed trust we talked on the phone meet in real had a nice dinner and watched the stars in the sky. We both sparked each other soul same enlightenment you both feel this both this just not made up just does happen with anyone. But he was part of soul family he had piece for me as I did to share. later I found he was submissive I was not upset I told him I needed more of Dominant some times people are sent to us even for a short time to show us things as you do them. Right person will not just be anyone you will just know it the glow and the universe in the eyes the same soul aliment.

I don't have a problem I get bothered but I just don't just take on anyone or just let everyone in I am pretty selective had to be the same not really looking it will happen when it happens in the right time in the right vibration.

TalentedOptimist​(dom male){open} • Sep 25, 2020

[quote="cherrsaw"]I would never recommend Tinder unless your strictly looking for a hookup. If that is what your looking for and not anything serious go for it! haha
or if your looking for entertainment --

(tinder stats: 2 successful relationships and my current partner and I will be getting a place soon).

If you approach anything (animal, concept, person) with preconceived notions, that’s the energy you put out. That’s the energy you’ll get.