Do you submit freely or are you freed to submit

slavebilly​(sub male) • Sep 22, 2020

Having come to the realization that I am a sub by nature I would have to say I freely submit. That being said, I am sure there are parts of me that, when revealed, i will try to hold on to. In those cases i will have to be freed to submit.

It is easy to submit to the known. It is the unknown in each of us that requires a freeing in order to submit.

Bunnie • Sep 22, 2020

@ tallslenderguy,

“Do you end up feeling unseen and alone when you "rollover."”

In all honesty, I always feel unseen (not in a “poor me, no one one loves me” type of way)... it’s more just that I forget that people see me, and it’s actually quite a shock when I realise that they do lol. So I wouldn’t say that I “rollover” to be noticed or even validated... I just don’t see much point in making someone work for something I’m happy to give freely if I can.

Do you feel like you've 'truly' achieved submission?”

I doubt I will ever feel like I’ve truly achieved submission, and I’m ok with that. I see it as a forever ongoing journey.

KittyisWatching​(sub female){Protected} • Sep 23, 2020

I mean, I definitely agree that it depends upon the Dom - I've had both circumstances occur. With previous Doms it was more that I submitted freely. I may have been happy with the submission but it was never without 100% constant effort and thought on my part. On this, I can compare my current Dom and find him favorable - though I do in everything else as well.

With my current Dom, it is definitely more of a freed to submit scenario. I do not submit easily without almost forcing myself to do so, generally. However, he has a way of drawing the submission from me and allowing me to free my mind so I can simply accept and submit to him. He worries and deals with things so that I do not have to which frees me to simply submit to him and enjoy my submission to him. He frees my mind and allows me to accept myself, but still makes me a better submissive and person with his every word and action.

I wouldn't trade this submission that I can have and achieve now for anything in the entire world.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 23, 2020

@ Bunnie,

No, actually i was coming from a different direction. i wasn't implying you would "rollover" to be noticed or validated. "Rollover" 'sounded' to me like capitulation. Obedience isn't necessarily submission, giving in is not necessarily giving over. i don't mean this as it may sound, it's the only word i can think of, but "rollover" reads like lip service to me? The appearance of submission to stop the probing and vulnerability, by sending the signal that that person has hit the mark ("pleasing them"), when maybe they were just approaching but had not gotten there? Thus remaining unseen and alone?

And i get the shock (if not for the same reasons you may have?) of realizing when someone really sees me. For me that comes from having been hidden so much of my life as a survival thing. It can be surprising and pretty warm and wonderful for me to be seen by someone with desire or need for me.

i may not read your second comment as you meant? i'm right there with you re submission being an ongoing journey. i don't see submission as a permanent state of being, but as an event to event opportunity. I.e., this time i achieved submission, that time i didn't. i see myself in parts a lot of time, that my needs/desires are the places a Dom can connect to (i like to use the word "collar") and with skill and understanding "handle" or "control' and influence or surface submission in me.

Re: Do you submit freely or are you freed to submit

forgedbyfire • Sep 23, 2020

Respectfully, sometimes newbie subs just don't know what they don't know and their lack of experience makes them vulnerable. Experiencing aspects of the lifestyle can sometimes be misconstrued as actually living it as a lifestyle. We all define the lifestyle differently for ourselves. Speaking from personal experience, early on discerning the trolls and abusers from real dominants was a challenge -- dangerous even. While newbies may seem over eager, I see it as an opportunity for an experienced, responsible dominant to guide and thoughtfully command -- help the newbie to process their new experiences and to evolve.

Deep connection, mutual respect, and trust unlock my submission. Once the latter two are earned, my dominant's approval, pleasure, and satisfaction are everything to me.

GentleDomforyou • Sep 23, 2020

Thanks for your replies. My experience mimics yours. Most that identify as subs are pleasers at heart. But to really release that submission to get them to experience those “ I’m not so sure about this” experiences, they need to be freed. As Doms we have a lot of tools to free them, our job is to determine the most effective tool. Like that moment you try with a new prospective sub, someone who doesn’t necessarily identify that way, you need to at that moment figure out what will be effective. When it works, that’s when I feel like a Dom.

exploringsubmissive​(sub female) • Sep 23, 2020

For me there are layers. I have basic levels of submission that happen early on. Things like calling someone sir during very specific settings like play sessions, or following basic instructions. Once I trust someone I will be more open about why my hard limits exist, and what is keeping soft limits there. Ultimate submission must be earned, and that hasn't happened yet. In my ultimate submission my partner and I have proven to one another that we are trustworthy over a long period of time, and I'm not sure how deep my submission would go then (since it hasn't happened).

I don't submit to just anyone, it isn't safe.

Bunnie • Sep 24, 2020

@ tallslenderguy,

ah I understand, thank you for clarifying. You’ve definitely given me some things to think about, thank you.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 24, 2020

@Bunnie,

i'm glad i was able to to convey my thoughts and feeling. i have no idea if they are correct or not, but from things you've written i know you love to search and investigate, so maybe there is something there. You're a pleasure to interact with, love your curiosity and desire to see and understand.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Sep 24, 2020

Fun topic! Love the insight everyone, and I definitely love seeing how the other side thinks. I am a TPE, which means I will never deny a direct order. Don't get me wrong, it has created some very lazy Doms in my world. I am actually attracted to the Doms that "take" what they want, not just demand it. I will also ignore the fuck out of you if you leave me be or don't define what I should be doing. I still feel submission is earned, every time. My Dom has to like being engaged for it. I like a Dom who likes a chase and gets a thrill from the predatory, but once he is done playing, I know my place under his command. It is his power to use, or abuse. I will never deny him that.