Help! Got kids?

Help! Got kids?

daddyslittlegirlxx​(sub female) • Mar 17, 2021

My dominant and I are just getting into this lifestyle (DDLg) and are looking for a potential poly addition. We’ve both done some things that we would like to do again but with different people. We also have a 13 month old boy and we don’t want to do anything out of the ordinary in front of him. Any thoughts?

DaddiesPumpkin​(switch female){Not Lookin} • Mar 17, 2021

Hi.

Though I am not in a dynamic such as yours, I do have a child, well 3 actually... So I understand your need to be careful on what you introduce your little one to. I think as parents, that's natural and it's our job to do such.

Regarding what it is you're seeking, I'd suggest just being sure to communicate thoroughly with anyone the two of you bring into your space, assuming it would be IRL.

All in all, welcome and wishing you well

daddyslittlegirlxx​(sub female) • Mar 17, 2021

Thank you!

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Mar 17, 2021

We also have a child - when they knock on the bedroom door and ask “what’s that funny cracking noise” when you’re in the middle of delivering a cropping - you breathe a sigh of relief that you locked the door.

All I would recommend is to talk together frequently and take your time.

LunarEclipse​(sub female) • Mar 17, 2021

Lock. Your. Doors. It will save tons of money in therapy years down the road

In all seriousness though, find subtle ways to include your dynamic in your every day life that kids wouldn't really think twice about. Some examples might be, he cuts your food for you, opens doors for you, you serve him first, complete agreed upon chores/rituals as he requires. Maybe use nicknames for each other where you know the underlying meaning but the kids don't for instance replying "yes Dear" in a place when normally you would be expected to say "yes Daddy" so both of you get the context but it goes above the kids head.

As far as bringing someone else in to play... that could get a bit dicey with kids around. Maybe take some time away or play while the little one stays with family or friends so you have some privacy would be best.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Mar 17, 2021

Following on from LunaEclipse:

Subtle little hooks that aren’t noticed by children (or others) add a great little edge to things. We have a couple:

she must proffer her drink to me before starting it. So a silent cheers of you will.

she cannot kiss me with her face at a greater height than mine. So if I’m sitting down she needs to bend down to below my head height.

We haven’t yet included others in our play - when COVID is under control it’s something we want to explore, but that will be either when our child is away, or when we’re away. I’d second LunaEclipse again here - better to just be cautious.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

Simply put- everyone needs their individual ti e to 'do their thing'. This means it's not seen by the kid while the other one watches him.

DaisyGrace​(sub female) • Mar 18, 2021

Kids are resilient and malleable, so they believe “I bumped into a wall” a lotta times for why mamas booty is constantly bruised

But seriously, locks, music, fans. At your little ones age it’ll be awhile before you need anything serious and if they are used to seeing you defer to daddy it won’t be a big deal to them.

My girls have grow up with 2 moms and 1 dad and they quickly pick up the hierarchy (2 moms mistress is actually outside our home) and have zero issues. They are super chill about it all.

Being kinky and a parent

SageFlame​(sub female) • Mar 19, 2021

Yep! I have three teenagers and little ones would be much easier in many ways. Planning and thinking ahead go a long way. Setting boundaries as to what is done or seen as well as talked about will help. Parents' conversations are remembered not only for context but the vibes. Somatic memory is powerful especially for a young mind that isnt fully developed in spoken language. They pick up on ever tiny nuance.

Personally, I use white noise in my room, have music on in the rest of the house ( low if night time). Also budget hotel time and time off work to have complete privacy.

Where there's a will there truly is a way. Patience and creativity help too.

Cheers!