Online Vs Real

MariGold • Oct 24, 2020

I am a very affectionate person in general (my love language is touch). I think when it comes to dynamics it is great if they start out online - especially in pandemic times - but personally I couldn't do online only. That has nothing to do with a dynamic but a relationship in general. I was in LDR before and it is hard. Everyone needs different things I guess, that's the beauty of it.

Zhivago • Oct 24, 2020

I can't handle online. I want to be near the person. I'll meet someone online, but there has to be a plan to get together sometime, somehow.

larkspur​(sub female) • Oct 27, 2020

I see connecting online solely as a way to meet someone. I have friendships that I maintain online because of distance, but I can't imagine building and sustaining a d/s dynamic that way. Similar to Bunnie, I really feel it's a whole other thing. I personally don't think I could get the same sense of connection and understanding of a person from online that you accomplish with the right person face to face.

DrWakko • Oct 27, 2020

I believe one can develop deep personal relationships online and just like real life friendships one person can be the more dominant one in the relationship. How ever you can’t have a D/s relationship.

I believe someone mentioned spanking yourself as a more intimate act. How? If I’m spanking my sub there is my feeling, my emotion, my intensity behind each strike. Nor can you hit yourself as hard or as soft as I can.

On the topic of punishment. A submissive can always say they did the punishment of any act that is “ordered”. It is truly an honor based thing.

When I hear online D/s the first thing I think of is horny guys getting nudes from females.

When it comes to education and experience being on line only gives you the experience of typing faster and usually with one hand (see above paragraph). Yes you can watch YouTube videos and find articles online, but none of that information has been vetted. Anyone can put out any information on line. In real life you can go to classes held by vetted members of your local, national, international community. For example I have taken rope classes with people who have are published the same can be said for classes on relationships. Every book in my blog has been recommended by someone in the community. If I want to learn fire play for example I can get hands on training by someone who has done it for years and not by a YouTube video. I’m sure my bottom much rather me learn in person instead of by video.

I invite and challenge everyone to get off the computer and go to a munch. Meet real kinksters. Find out what this lifestyle is really about.

imnotblue​(sub female) • Oct 27, 2020

This resonates with me on so many levels right now. Perfectly said, as usually Bunnie.

Lil Foxy Baby​(sub female) • Oct 28, 2020

Absolutely!! It's for this reason I DON'T do online at all. I need to see my partner every day. I've tried online and it never ends well.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Oct 28, 2020

I know the struggle of online vs RL relationships because I do understand how fulfilling they can be. I've expirenced both but I don't trust online relationships anymore because of my expirences particularly with feeling less connected, needing more, and not being able to notice changing moods and behaviors in my partner. Despite speaking everyday both online and via phone (video calling wasn't really a thing then) I never got to see how he slowly moved someone else into a relationship towards the end until I was blindsided by it.

Another reason I chose to stop participating in them completely was when I decided to make this state my home. When I was younger moving around was a part of my life and I loved it but something was missing. When I came home for an extended period in my late 20s I knew I was staying because having my family around made me see that they were what was missing. I'm no longer willing to relocate for a relationship because my family is a big factor in my life and anywhere that isn't near them is not something I'll ever want.

I've known people who have made it work for them, but I know myself well enough to recognise that it doesn't do the job for me. That's the key to so many things in this life, knowing yourself, knowing what things are important to you and being able to make sacrifices or allowances accordingly based upon that knowledge.

DomJayy​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2020

Although everyone is entitled to their opinion and you have made some Excellent points! I do feel maybe you yourself haven’t had an online dynamic as somethings I disagree with but respectfully!

things like the punishments and active play elements, it’s all about how you communicate. If you communicate by messaging only then I am fully agree with you that it is likely people looking for nudes or to get get off ! I’m fully with you on that

But take punishments , a punishment should be done by video chat as you can see both the sub and they can see the Dom/domme . Just like any punishment the tone and stare are just as important as the activity and It’s unlikely any spanking will be an actual punishment so the physical nature shouldn’t be as important in these moments which is why it is fully doable in an online dynamic

Nothing beats irl but I will always say that an online dynamic can fully work and work damn well if the Dom knows what he is doing in one

Just my opinion again! Haha

Re: Online Vs Real

dollMaker​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2020

No.

For me, so far, I feel more connected with online, than physical world, and I am very experienced in the physical world, something I can prove within a few minutes via video chat.

I hate the word 'real' being used (always in threads like these) because it devalues what I have, and suggests that physical world is the only thing of value, and that's that. There is so much more to kink, and bdsm than physically laying hands on someone etc. Mind, spirit, and energy transcend the base physical, in my view and experience. Those that devalue by using 'real' all the time seem to me to lack the imagination and open mind to transcend or appreciate that for some online offers more than the purely physical. In away, often, those that throw the word 'real' about are sort of kink relationship shaming, something that happens on here often and usually from the same limited people. I get it can't and won't work for some, and I get that for many its a non starter. If throwing whips is your passion, rope suspension or more complex ties, some types of impact play, or you need flesh in you, then I understand that online will not do it for you, and that is fine. I respect that.

What isn't ok is devaluing those of us that find it fulfilling and enjoyable, it works for us and it offers us what we need.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2020

This individual is well know for their disrespectful and rude views regarding online, words such as 'bullshit', 'dungeons and dragons', 'fantasy' and 'delusional', have been used in the past. In my opinion you are wasting your time trying to engage, done that, got the wounds, never again. Their world view is unshakable that they are right and the rest of us are wrong.

D/s can be done online just as it can in the physical world. How do I know, because I have done both.