Online Vs Real

Miki • Mar 18, 2021

Been there. Done that

creidsinn • Mar 18, 2021

Online is a lovely way to find a P/person for a dynamic. Staying online? No. Just no. i have not and do not think i ever could. i am far too tactile to ever do any other than IRL. It doesn’t not feel real until W/we meet.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 19, 2021

In the particular case, that individual, what I say is provable.

I certainly do not feel I have ever said or implied what you say I have. Yes I find the use of real, in the context of these discussions lazy and depending on the context possibly, and in some cases definitely, disrespectful and rude. There is no blanket statement from me that all such people are being rude or disrespectful, though some have been. I speak for myself and no one else, I have never said anything of the sort that I don’t, though I have said that some people do share similar thoughts, feelings to mine. It is though up to them to speak for themselves in this mater, I am only speaking for, to my experience.

D/s can be done online, and my having successfully done it to me proves it can, I am not alone in having been able to. However saying that does not qualify as a blanket statement that everyone can do it via the online medium, or want to, nor have I ever said its the same experience, which would be ridiculous, as its not.

‘Buzz off,’ nice. Now who was being rude?

aliljaded​(sub female) • Mar 25, 2021

In my experience, it begins online. Where it goes beyond that is entirely up to the couple. I believe there is a " getting to know you" phase. I feel very protected in my privacy. I think everyone should be. It takes time to earn trust. Time takes time. My experience has been that people usually show their true self in a short while. When someone is willing to put in the time to get to know me, truly get to know me, and vice versa, I have a lot more respect for them. Then it can evolve from there.

~Just my thoughts.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 25, 2021

If I met someone who was actually serious about developing a relationship online which would LEAD to in-person, I might view it differently. But nearly all interactions (outside of friendly talk from people who aren't potential matches, which I do enjoy and appreciate) I have are with blatant scammers.

I do find some enjoyment with online play if nothing else is available. At least I've been able to make connections with a few folks where we've been able to mesh some of our interests into an occasional bit of fun. It isn't the end result I am searching for, but it serves a purpose in the meantime. Honesty about intentions and desires is important in this regard. I don't want to lead anyone on, nor do I want them leading me on. I suppose there's always the chance one of those relationships will grow to where we DO want to consider meeting in person and seeing if things get stronger. But I'm not holding my breath.

A big part of this seems to be based on what your particular kinks are, and your position in BDSM. As a submissive male, I get three or four inquiries a day from scammers (or outright bots) looking for thirsty male subs that are so desperate for an encounter that they'll ignore all the red flags and fall for what are clearly wastes of time. I can't blame the scammers; when sites like this and social media are filled with "I am looking for someone to serve" written by submissive male newbies who don't have any idea what they really want (or if they are actually submissive at all) they know the pond if overfull of hungry fish waiting to bite onto any hook.

Done Both

SinMaster • Mar 25, 2021

I have done it both ways and I’m glad someone thought of online.
As I got older we would travel all over the world to try different ways BDSM was in many other countries.
What we learned was that BDSM means the same in any languages and except for individual small changes it is practiced the same way. Pain is pain and Daddy is Daddy.
Now traveling a distance is to far for me so online can be fun, loving and educational.
In the morning I can put a list of tasks to be done during the day and when we got our time to talk about the list. Truth and trust are just as important online as rl if you’re serious in the relationship.
Since I’ve been on this site I have only talked to submissive ladies that are looking for rl to be the relationship.
So both relationships are needed in this lifestyle and it will go on forever.

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Mar 26, 2021

I can relate to your struggle Theandras, but I also cannot believe how often this comes up. Its the post-Covid topic that i believe was Poly before Covid. if you look back you will seriously see endless forums about this subject, and I think you'll be able to glean tons of information. I cannot speak for anyone else, but i think the usual suspects who would have a lot to say on the topic may be talked out.
Since i chimed in to say that I suppose I miay as well throw in my 2cents on the actual subject.
Online can be amazing, but there are struggles of course. There are struggles 'offline' as well.
I think each case is so different. Certain elements are required. Imagination, patience, trust- in different ways than offline. Even after all that and no matter how much you care for someone there are arms will not be around you and there hands won't be spanking your bottom. If the relationship is to be online in perpetuity those are things you need to consider. Are there physical elements that YOU ( not us) need to stay feeling connected? If so- maybe an ongoing online relationship isn not for you.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Mar 31, 2021

I'll share my experience and hope something is helpful to you.

I have at times found a longing for the in person way of connecting that is familiar. Didn't think I could or wanted do online but in person just wasn't happening for many reasons. I'm a very affectionate person in general so not being able to engage physically was a completely new experience. To be honest the idea seemed cold originally.

I crave intimacy but am also sapiosexual so engaging in conversation with the right person gave me a rush. But I wanted more.

Just so happens that one of those conversations turned out to be an amazing connection. In my case, the kicker is vulnerability and transparency. My Dom picked up on my nuances and that my trust was connected in part to the open conversation. For me, I need connection of thought, a mutual appreciation and transparency both ways. When I found him, I couldn't pass up the chance to keep growing the relationship even though we are several states apart. HE was the game changer for me.

We stay connected everyday in some way. Though I crave the physical closeness in no way to I feel cheated by being in a LDR.

Why?
1. It is a satisfying connection and I have no doubts as to his commitment.
2. Our playtime leaves me with the same chemistry boost that an in person bond would have.
3. He is a safe place for me and the levels of intimacy are superior to any I've had in person.
4. Growing with the right person makes it all worthwhile.

Knowing your needs, communicating them, fine tuning that communication and keeping the transparent conversation going will go a long way.









Focusing on what you DO have with your partner, and when the negative chatter in your head rears up don't feed it.

And, if I may, I'll add that if your partner does not take your needs to heart then they are not partnering they are using.

Hope my two bit helps..a bit.

poppyclaire​(sub female) • Apr 2, 2021

Thank you for sharing Sage Flame. I think that should be the topic really. If anyone has had a rly good online dynamic and what does that look like. I was talking to a friend this week about how surprised we both were at the level of intimacy you can experience through online only. Yes it lacks the shared physicality of IRL but it can be really good if you give it half a chance. I can still communicate affection online, I can still get intensity too, and honestly because you have to be deliberate and can't fall back on the physical stuff, sometimes the connection is better.

DomJayy​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2021

Reading Poppy’s last post I wanted to share why online can work as she makes a great point about giving examples why rather than opinions

I’ve had online subs in my time and each one was been different but just as amazing

I cannot express that without being in the same room I felt intimacy, compassion and lust ! It’s all about the effort you put in

I would call daily, both audio and video chat! And talk about whatever we felt like! Then days we were somewhat more sexualised we would play by video chat!

If you are serious about an online dynamic then you have to video chat . It’s not negotiable in my opinion. If you don’t then it’s like having a call girl/guy! Or even a computer automated conversation no matter how cute or funny the other person is.

Video chatting creates the connect as you see each other laugh, smile and be turned on by what you say! Pics and videos shared (once fully trusting of the Dom/domme) is great but it’s not enough to hear and see the reaction to having a conversation I promise

I am so fortunate to have had good subs when I have been online with them and not a single one was lacking anything other than what you get from physical touch because the work was put in to form a connection to where you can understand each other’s voices and minds without being in front of them


Hope this helps anyone needing advice on if online can work and what should be happening