Consensual Psychological Play?

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 10, 2021

Virginie, there are many who ask and run. But also others who didn't ask, for their own reasons, but are happy to read the answers because they need help too. Between the demented ones and the person above me who thinks a response of "get over it" is at all useful, we need people with good sense to speak up.

I, in no way, imply my answers are the best. But together our individual reasonable perspectives create a "fifth force" and hopefully others benefit from it.

H*

subfourALPHADOM{not yet - } • Mar 10, 2021

Guys/Gals ....we are the sum of our parts and while they may be cordoned off you can't go to the ball without pieces of your past. Don't overanalyze it all. Unless you want to be trapped forget the story of you being chained up in a lighthouse off the coast of Maine - move along. We take this journey for the experience - poor Humpty Dumpty - oh well we like scrambled egg.

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Mar 9, 2021

I think this post has jumped the shark, but in the future I will make continued efforts to jump in where I see a need and/or opportunity. It becomes difficult sometimes when a particular person ( who I didn't see here anywhere, somehow) continues on, injecting their demented goals and rhetoric into everything with a title, and arguing the same points.. i just needed a break, but SH-wanted you to know I appreciate your vigor.
I did notice, not that it particularly matters, the creator of this forum does no longer have an existing profile. I guess it is an orphaned forum than, although I feel quite sure its a name change but thats another matter.
In this forum in particular many things have been brought to light that don't usually see any light, and I find myself wondering of this is all real, or has become a trolling situation.
In any case there is also enough going on in these three pages for maybe 5 forums?
I hope *some* of topics come up again.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 9, 2021

Virginie{lcpw}
"@SubtleHush thank you for fighting the good fight. I’ve been skimming things over and considered jumping in but you pretty much covered anything I’d want to add. Lord knows where you get this much energy. (no idea but I do type 100 wpm.)

"Woo! People don’t make it easy. on me" (amen for coffee lol)

Thank you. I'm sure you have value to offer. Some folks need to hear the same thing from different people for it to start to sink in. Never hold yourself back.
..............

subfourALPHADOM{not yet - }
Responses

"It's a pick up site dolled up in pseudo-therapy --- it's just a pick up site."
..........
For YOU it's a pick up site.
It's whatever people need it to be.
And if you've read some of the responses, would you let them pick you up? Of course not.

There are people on these sites who have few resources. If this is the only place they can ask a question, then it's just selfish and lazy to let others with ill intent or outright mental health issues be the only respondents.

I am a big fan of therapy and the last thing we need in this lifestyle are people side-stepping therapy for short cut fixes that will never work.

But that is up to them. In the meantime, any one who can make a reasonable response should at least try.

BowieMDPat • Mar 9, 2021

Safe, sane and consensual is obviously important.

But including the mental aspects is important for me, at least. The brain is the biggest sex organ, etc.

A Master can tie me up where I can't physically resist, but how much more powerful for him to know me well enough to mentally "tie me up", as well?

pat

Bluebutterfly​(sub female){Havelock } • Mar 9, 2021

Would reply but the profile doesn’t seem to exist anymore. X

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Mar 8, 2021

@SubtleHush thank you for fighting the good fight. I’ve been skimming things over and considered jumping in but you pretty much covered anything I’d want to add. Lord knows where you get this much energy. Woo! People don’t make it easy. on me

Responses

subfourALPHADOM{not yet - } • Mar 8, 2021

Guys, Gals what have you - I think we all need to be careful when replying to some of these questions. First why are you spending any time here at all.? This is for a segment of Society trying to make the difficult acceptable. Speaking for my self - I've had years of Therapy and worked for a time in recovery and the questions listed here are not always ready to be followed & nor to pronounce on life situations, i WOULD never ALLOW SOME OF THESE BLOG READERS TO WANDER THROUGH MY PRIVATE CHALLENGES, i DON'T BELIEVE THIS BOARD WAS MEANT TO GUIDE YOU with SO MANY UNQUALIFIED PEOPLE KNOWING so LITTLE. and going on and on. It's a pick up site dolled up in pseudo-therapy --- it's just a pick up site.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 5, 2021

Bella D​(sub female)
"I actually PREFER to play with trauma. It takes a kind and caring dom that understands how my mind is wired and that I can have full trust in that he doesn’t want to hurt me in that way."

(Trauma is not something to play at. There are plenty of academic resources to support that. And if you have to keep playing with trauma it has not left you. You can recover from trauma and still have the fun. But play will not remove the trauma. Case in point is you still refer to it as such.)

"The time that I’ve been able to play with past hurt, it was so healing. He took a life long issue and made it completely go away because somehow it rewired my brain and fixed the memory behind it."

(Read "the human side of human beings" to learn how the brain retains trauma and memories and how once it is imbedded it is not a simple case of overlaying one experience with another. Or we'd all do it 6 times a day.)

"I now look back on the event and can only see the overlay of the replacement fun rather than what used to hurt so much."

(And if a similar hurt came up? Or this trusted dom screwed up? That old trauma would reawaken because it wasn't dealt with, just obscured. This is never a substitute from dealing with trauma with licensed professionals)

"I still know the truth, of course. But that doesn’t serve my mental health, so I choose to believe the lie instead."

(If you know its a lie then the truth is still in there. Here's an example. I had traumas in my past as well. Very big traumas. Now that I've done therapy, the memories are there but in different ways. Now if I am reminded something, i think "oh yea that." it has no tangible energy or control over me. It's like remembering you fell as a kid and hurt your knee. It's barely a memory. So here is no lie or distraction to depend on. Thus by what you describe, your mental health is not safe.)

"Even with much smaller things, playing with things that scare me or stress me out allows me to face the things in reality that are difficult with a lot more confidence."

(I can agree on this to a point. Allowing yourself to be hit or flogged in a scene for example by your choice is within your control can give you a sense of power and reduce fear. You retain the option to shut it down at any point. And I don't care what your agreement, if extreme enough self preservation would make you shut it down. It is the loss of control during real trauma that often has the lingering hurt we struggle with. Many have spoken on or written about the feeling of control and power they had when entering into a scene by choice.)

(There is also a huge difference between playing with things that scare you and stress you out and going back into traumatic situations. Cognitively you may think you are in control of it but that is situational. If in that scene something goes wrong, you cannot be sure you will be able to separate or process what happens with old business that is waiting in the wings.)

(This is my experience, and is based on real time situations I was witness to where things went wrong and spiraled. It's ugly and can take that original trauma and make it even bigger. Do proceed carefully with such things.)

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Mar 5, 2021

One could argue that all power exchange is the kind of mental manipulation you're talking about. Speaking for myself, my dominant does have my mind. He has everything, heart, soul--everything. He does manipulate my mind. He does it for the good. I'm pretty sure that's what everyone is talking about when they say the dominant guides the submissive to be the best version of themselves. They use behavioral modification, influence, sensory stimuli, and other methods to do it, but it's still psychological manipulation. There's a high degree of trust involved, but when power exchange is given totally, it really is given TOTALLY. My dominant has complete control even over my bodily reactions to the point where internal safety mechanisms are switched off because they've been transferred to him. Total power exchange means TOTAL, but it's done for the submissive's benefit, not for degradation or a mind fuck, either figurative or literal.