Learning new things

Learning new things

BabyTgirl​(sub female){Not lookin} • Nov 13, 2020

BabyTgirl​(sub female)
3 days ago • 11/09/2020 5:14 am
Learning new things
Lately, I have been taking time to explore and research and I have learned so much about myself that it scares me a little. As a "baby sub" I am still learning to accept who I am and what I enjoy regardless of how unique,.for lack of a better word, it may be. It has been hard, being raised in a more conservative household I can at times feel guilt and shame because I don't have the reassurement that this is ok, that what I want and need is ok. I have discovered many kinks and scene that I want to try that make me excited. And while I know finding a trustworthy Dominant/boyfriend can be rare I have hope.

Another thing that I have learned is that I may be more into ageplay than I originally thought. These were the moments where I had to remind myself that as long as it is safe, sane, and consensual it is OK. I'm not sure I can be considered a little as I have not discovered a little space. However, I do want a daddy dom and I have an obsession with squishmallows, and the idea of a binkie is not unappealing. I'm also realizing I don't fall into one genre, which I'm sure is common, I've realized I may have a humiliation kink, and may even possibly be a masochist. Among other things, its nerve-wracking and scary.

Fortunately, I have an amazing friend that has stood by me and help me work through my guilt but its a little embarrassing to feel as if you need reassurance and aftercare after just watching a few scenes. But I am proud of mt improvements none the less.

Has anyone struggled with these things?

LordofPain56 • Nov 13, 2020

I see NO conflict with traditional conservatism and BDSM. It never stopped me. If you look at ancient Scripture, you will find that GOD invented domination and submission in the book of Genesis. So what are you worried about?

The original Her​(switch female) • Nov 13, 2020

As someone who's actually a little, due to trauma response, and has struggled with the exact same things, I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. I wasn't raised in a conservative family at all. I'm not going to play the religion card, specifically because I don't want to, and I'm not religious at all. You don't have to get approval from the scripture of your choice, to tell you that what you want to do is okay, as long as you don't hurt anyone else. My parents are liberal, and raging atheists, and I was raised the exact same way. However, things still were considered taboo in our house. I got the guts to come to my mother about being raped when I was 15 years old by a boyfriend (after having consistent sexual assaults since I was 12 years old), and she asked me if I was really sure that it was rape, and if maybe I was a little confused. I know our family situations aren't the same on the outside, but on the inside it feels pretty similar.

Due to multiple things I went through when I was younger (some of which I just listed above), I started regressing uncontrollably around 16 years old. It was really frustrating to me because I had to grow up very quickly, always be in control and on top of the situation, and sometimes my brain would just shut down and be like "No, not today", and I couldn't do *anything* that I needed to do. Having to go through that forced me to look more into age regression and understand that my body shuts down when it's reached its limit of things it can handle. Thankfully, it doesn't happen often, only every month or so, but it was a really negative sign for me because I felt weak.

Finding a good partner who's dominant isn't a rare thing, you just need to set boundaries and know what you're looking for. From a personal standpoint, I'd never date anyone on this site. Firstly, physicality is important to me, and most people (that I'm interested in) on here aren't close to me. Secondly, I'm trying to settle down and have a life with someone, which requires them (in my mind) to be near my age, which not a lot of eligible people on here are. I found my current boyfriend in my university's coffee shop, when we both reached for the tea menu at the same time. All of his previous relationships were completely vanilla before, and yes, now he's graduated college and is four years older than I am, but I could tell that something was different about him when compared to all of my other terrible exes. I proposed the idea of him being my dom, even though I'm a switch, and he loves it. It comes naturally for him to be my caregiver as well, just because he loves me, and wants to take care of me. When I'm little, it's just same old me, just with cuter clothes on and stuffed animals.

Wow, I really am writing a lot. This means a ton to me, so I'm sorry for talking your ear off! A lot of age regressors don't like to do NSFW things because theirs is a trauma response, like mine, but a lot of littles are in Cg/L, for gender-neutral terms sake. It was hard because I felt the overlap myself, but everywhere I looked, they were telling me that I had to pick a side. It's finally just now sinking in that it's my choice, and as long as my partner is able to be there for me during it, I don't really care what others think. There also is always a lot of overlap between kinks, and that's fine! We're lucky to be in a community where people identify as multiple things, and it's something that a lot of people experience.

If you're going to take one thing away from this, just know that it's okay to be confused, afraid, ashamed, a little scared, and lost. That's the purpose of discovery within yourself. I really hope I was able to help, and not bore you to death. Good luck, and best wishes in the future Remember to be patient!