Why it so hard to find a true Dominant?

TheEdge​(other male) • Oct 12, 2017

I think some people are tired of making decisions and deal with the consequences of their own action. It’s so much easier to just let someone else make a decision and then just following so when and if the out come of that decision goes wrong, they have some one else to blame in their head. I feel like being a Dominant could get very lonely in that regard. Having to make all the decisions on your own with someone following your foot steps and being responsible for them also. The definition of submission is very different in many people’s eyes.its very easy to be blind and not care when you just follow instead of being a team.
I’ve aleays wondered why there are so many more submissives than dominants. Still haven’t found the definite answer to it and I don’t expect to either cause I think it’s way more complicated that that. But I have a theory that human race is submissive in nature.I believe Everyone submits to what they want and to the love they think they deserve.

K y i v • Oct 12, 2017

@Peyman: Leading is never lonely one gets to feel the accomplishments and growth of those he leads. If anything is overwhelmingly rewarding!

Marie24​(sub female){I have a m} • Oct 12, 2017

I too wonder the same..

TheMentor​(dom male) • Oct 12, 2017

two aspects, or the dominant lacks knowledge or simply thinks that dominance is a symbol of machism. I also believe that their knowledge about BDSM is based only on ropes and slaps, or on satisfying fetishes that they can not satisfy alone.

it is difficult also because it is not a common trend. and those who try to reach this level of control or fail in their intent or simply understand that the Domain goes from the inside out and rather prefer to know you rather than explode.

is my humble opinion. give yourself time to have the one that is for you. because everyone can offer the same, but surely they are not the same.

Response of the Doms

Bella duPuy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Oct 14, 2017

I am greatly encouraged by the thoughtful, soulful responses of our Doms to this topic

Thank you, Jovanaluna, for posting a topic that is on the mind (and heart) of many a submissive.

I agree that it is a process which takes a concerted investment of one's Self and Time in order to find Who will add to the fullness in our Life.

Folding oneself into the fabric of this marvelous Lifestyle is not something to be taken lightly or haphazardly. I have left many a conversation, befuddled and aggravated when the other person cannot (or would not) see why there is a NEED for protracted, cogent, critical, metered and transparent conversations on all things that make up our individual lives to make sure we are a good fit for one another.

I've met some fantastic people here: submissives, slaves, Switches, Doms/Dommes, Masters/Mistresses, and a few have even become friends, and one my Protector. This is a wonderful world to be part of. Even though I am new, I've found a cohesiveness and loyalty here that I've seen less and less of in 'vanilla world'.

Let us keep moving forward beloveds, healthily and with the goal in mind of Loving and Being Loved through the expression of Kink ... #YeahBaby

Peace

Pazyfae​(sub female){Not collar} • Oct 15, 2017

@ JackMeoff987 - well said, but unfortunately the contract itself is not enough. You can write down anything you want, but if someone wants to act like the contract is null and void from the beginning, then you can't do anything about that except leaving.
The most important is mutual trust. Once I was said that trust is just a state of mind and nothing but decision whether you want to trust someone or not. I did not agree with that and I still can't.
Why is it so difficult to find someone reasonable, with who so called "click" will be possible? Because people get their facts wrong in terms of BDSM. For many of them sites like this one are nothing, but an easy place to some "fun" - of course fun is important, but please, they should not don't claim that they are Dominants, when in fact the only thing they do is for example cheating on their wives (and this part is actually applicable for both, Dominants and submissives), because they do not want to have kinky sex (yes, I know, I am making things way too simple now, but this is actually pretty good example).
Digging through bunch of profiles might be depressing at times. Too many wannabe Dominants and (probably) too many submissives who have no clue what they really do. Reading rude and messy messages does not help either. Then verifying whether someone is really that person he or she claims to be. It requires a lot of time and it's followed by quite a bit of disappointment.

wannabeyouronly​(sub female) • Oct 23, 2017

Had a master for 3 years... our journey started on lies, just so that he could have me for himself. Now that I left him, I wonder how many other fake doms are there and why they love playing games... How will I ever trust again if the one man I believed in, crushed my soul.

Villmarb​(dom male) • Oct 24, 2017

Well this is the perennial Needle in a Haystack .
The majority of what i call these Psedu - Doms who seem to want power ( by barking out orders and protocols), and that inner desire to please is than squashed. Again as this is a forum of opinions - Ours as Dom Men - aught to ENCOURAGE not to Discourage.
Is it hard to find a TRUE DOM - yes as it is hard to find that lost Pizarro.
AS we have the myriads of books - internet sites - munches - blogs - What i encourage the Sub to do is to have that inner power of her own - and the ability to wield it comfortably or sensitively. To me that inner power comes from being who you are not just as a Submissive but also as a Woman.
Its a shame that the 5% of the psdeu - Dom Jerks who belittle - who expect instant respect or trust ( without it being earned) and It’s not just DS problem, it’s a problem within our world, and while it’s an annoying as the labels we put on ourselves.
Look even as a Dom, seeking a sub it can be downright frustrating. But to encourage to have you cast your fate upon the waters . Look you may be disappointed, but as you continue to stick by your guns ...you will find that golden jewel of a Dom/Daddy/Man who will appreciate you for who and what you are- one to be respected - admired and in time LOVED!
I am / Have a Sensual Dominant personality and I completely respect and hope that others may relate to MY stance of approaching domination as a gentleman. I wonder how many subs are missing a huge part of who they deep down by not being able to fulfill not just their fantasies and inner cravings who, seriously CRAVE exactly overpowered, controlled, swept away, and utterly taken.
Being submissive is not for the weak. It does not mean being weak willed or not knowing one’s own mind. Frankly its Just the opposite. It requires that inner strength and determination and desire - not just to please - BUT to be appreciated as that vessel of Pleasure .
To be a good submissive takes time and effort. But every submissive I have spoken with would probably say being submissive is worth it. I have yet to meet one who does not enjoy it and feel happier for it.

Do you agree??

TakenLower • Oct 24, 2017

Now and then, you find the perfect needle in a haystack of needles.

domjay37​(dom male) • Oct 24, 2017

its hard to find a sub to so dont worry it takes time and lots of talking so we can build trust up with eachother