Can a monogamous person date a polyamorous person?

Can a monogamous person date a polyamorous person?

Likeavirgin​(sub female) • Jun 20, 2021

I have started seeing someone who is polyamorous. I know it going in, but have wondered if I'm wrong for this person. I don't think I can be poly myself and I'm not trying to push anything onto them. Is this just a bad idea from the get go?

Masque​(dom male) • Jun 20, 2021

From my observations, it is extremely difficult. You'll have to discuss it pretty heavily, figure out what rules of conduct are expected, etc. Even then it may not work out, but thorough discussion getting into it is your best bet.

Kelpi • Jun 20, 2021

Yes but as with most things there has to be a give and take on it . You want to go in with an open mind and remember that there are things you have in common but not not everything. There will come a time when either the poly will say hey this is who I am just as you will say to them "I am mono". If they have someone else then it is not up to you to push them into make a choice to split for you. If they want you to join then it is up to you to say yes to poly.
If the one you are after is poly and is into you enough to change then that is on them.

I have been poly off and on for years but I found someone who make being with just her ..... well it is hard to say as words don't fit. Once I could see myself with two and happy but now I look at her and there is just her. I can't see my self sharing her or myself with anyone else. She is my missing piece. I still look but I only want her now. I am good with that and content to be with just her.

ThisIsTheWay​(dom male) • Jun 20, 2021

A few friends were poly / monogamous, it didn’t work out mostly because of miscommunication, interpretation of rules or guidelines, specifically Covid related but also not Covid related,
I feel if you can clearly communicate daily about everything and anything it will go smoother. But not being able to and assuming things are understood will just lead it to not work out
You never know until you try, everyone is different

Bunnie • Jun 20, 2021

Yes. I do. Although I have recently stepped back into playing within my local community, I identify as monogamous in an intimate sense, and Master identifies as poly (enm).

I don’t feel any of the things people seem to believe, or have told me, I “should” feel (mostly I think because I had already discovered this was my preferred relationship dynamic before He and I had decided to go forward together)… things like, it being unfair or unequal or unjust or that He’s just greedy and selfish or the myriad of other things I’ve heard over the years.

It’s certainly not common, however, it’s what fits me on a personal level, and luckily for me, He and I, best

I do believe it needs to be something you discover you want for yourself, and not something you’re trying *for* someone simply because you love them. I’ve never seen it end well under those circumstances.

DrWakko • Jun 20, 2021

Just because you are poly or in a poly relationship doesn't mean the relationships have to be sexual. You can have play partners which you deeply care about, but you only have sexual relations with one person. I think a lot of people believe that if you are poly you are having sexual relationships with all your partners.

Set up your relationships how you want to set them up. And your partner will set up his relationships. The key is keeping an open line of communication and asking questions. As long as everyone has an understanding about what the other other person is doing then the relationships will last and survive.

DW

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Jun 20, 2021

People will tell you that communication is key. I don't disagree, but feel that understanding of that communication is the real key.
Also important is how that communication happens.

How do you and the others in the dynamic define things?
How are things discussed? Do you feel heard, are you open to difficult discussions. Do you have an open mind to accepting things you don't understand?
How well-established is your sense of self? Are you able to clearly articulate your needs?

I believe such a dynamic is possible but not without growth and that growth is not always a comfortable experience.

Miki • Jun 20, 2021

It's not necessarily a bad idea, but I wouldn't call it a swell idea, either, unless you both agree to be non-intimate but close friends.

Other than that, it's likely the polyamorous half of the equation will accept "seeing you" ---but with the caveat that since you know how they roll going in, are you ready to be exclusive with someone who by nature, is not interested in being monogamous with you? Can you be OK with the fact that they will continue to "see" others?

While not impossible, it's not very likely you will end up happy with this kind of arrangement.

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Personally I don't call myself polyamorous because a big part of that is that "Poly" relationships are described as "loving and intimate" along with sexual and, pre-COVID, when I was more active, I dated a lot of different people and slept with just about all of them with no emotion attached.

But, still, that I do not do relationships or commitments, I would be exceedingly uncomfortable letting someone who is monogamous by nature, "looking for The One"-- to "get too close" because I know sooner or later they'll get hurt. A true Poly would likely feel the same, if they have a conscience that is.

That's my 2 cents.

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**** And obviously, for me (and anyone who "sleeps around") -- Frequent STD testing is something one must diligently undergo as part of "recreating" like that.****

HEAVEN'S STARCHILD​(switch female) • Jun 20, 2021

It's difficult and it can be draining on all aspects. The most important Question you should ask, how often are the two of you will get the opportunity to spend time together. Key is not to take on more.than you can handle.

AVG​(sub female) • Jun 20, 2021

Not possible