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Honesty

wildbabe
1 year ago • 11/22/2020 5:14 pm
wildbabe • 11/22/2020 5:14 pm
I think it all comes back to unresolved trauma and hidden triggers, the way we grew up, what we've been told and taught, our ingrained patterns etc.

I don't think that is something someone else can help you to solve other than a therapist since it is deeply personal and one person's trauma is much different than your own.
SubtleHush​(sub female)
1 year ago • 11/22/2020 4:45 pm
SubtleHush​(sub female) • 11/22/2020 4:45 pm
Tasnim I think we are honest with ourselves in many situations, but then we just don't want to be right. Like when we know the guy is not good for us. Or we know he is cheating. Or we know our boss will never respect us. So we cling to the lie because it feels safer and needs less real-time action from us. Like ending the relationship, moving away, or quitting the job.

But it is risky. When you link too much with the lie, it becomes an influence on your self-esteem, and accepting the lie then becomes more painful. So we go along thinking, "eventually he love me more, or stop doing that thing."

Looking outward is always easier than looking inward. And depending on how you grow up and how you're culturally raised self-awareness becomes complex.

I was a professional organizer for 12 years with my own business. I would tell the client at our first meeting, "I'm going to ask a lot of questions and some will seem downright silly to you. Please just indulge me and answer honestly so that I can understand." And I did ask a lot of questions. Like, "Why do you have 12 irons?"

See, I knew they didn't need 12 irons. THEY didn't know. And because I asked a lot of simpleton questions, they would answer me in simple terms. And as they answered they would 'hear' themselves for the first time. Often they'd say. "Wow, I don't need 12 irons." Or they'd say, "Well, they're still good." meaning they still get hot.

And then I'd ask about UT ratings and auto-shut offs and all the safety features modern irons have that these don't.

Sometimes learning to tell yourself the truth is learning what it looks like. That is what counseling is all about. People joke that therapists and counselors often ask "How do you feel about that?" and they do. That is because it isn't their understanding that is needed. It's the client. And as they unpack the feelings around an unwanted choice or action they often hear it differently for the first time.

That is how you build the connection from your outside, what the world needs part, to the inside, telling yourself the truth part.

A lot of folks journal too. Which is a safe way to be honest with yourself. One friend of mine has journaled for years and when she goes back a year or so and reads her thoughts, it's always different than she thought back then.
The Lost Poet T​(sub female)
1 year ago • 11/22/2020 4:01 pm
The Lost Poet T​(sub female) • 11/22/2020 4:01 pm
Gosh thank you for this you're so right and I feel it. I changed too and my preferences change too. And our idea of truth changes too. And yes it's more about being fearless... And that's hard because we would have to get used to losing stuff for gaining the quality of being honest.
Thank yo for your reply I almost forget about these... I got my insight again. Even though I can never change.
Sincerely,
T.
Bunnie
1 year ago • 11/22/2020 3:44 pm
Bunnie • 11/22/2020 3:44 pm
When we feel we have something to lose, being honest can be one of the scariest and hardest things to do. Both with ourselves and others. Therefore it’s not about learning to become honest... we already know how to do that... it’s about learning to become emotionally fearless. And that is damn hard work. Work that not many people want to do.

Having said all of that, I think as life goes on, our concepts and perceptions and even perspectives around honesty, shift and change. Maybe not for everyone, however, I know that mine have. What may feel like a core truth at one point in our life, may no longer be, at another point. For example... when I said my marriage vows I truly believed with all of my being that what I was saying was the honest truth... I truly promised forever. And yet here I am, divorced. I didn’t lie. However my truth didn’t remain as truth.

There have been many moments like this for me in the last five years as I have explored and looked deep inside to learn who I truly am. Perhaps we continue striving for an ultimate truth and honesty, or perhaps one day we simply accept that we’re human, and fallible... who knows.
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The Lost Poet T​(sub female)
1 year ago • 11/22/2020 1:11 pm
The Lost Poet T​(sub female) • 11/22/2020 1:11 pm
Thank you for responding I appreciate it. And it's difficult to do so. Because there are things which can't be sugar-coated. I'm usually very blunt I think that's why people think I'm rude or mean. But I do not know how to sugar coat all words. And yes I guess I'll be working on it. Thank you. 💜
FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.S.}
1 year ago • 11/22/2020 12:59 pm
FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.S.} • 11/22/2020 12:59 pm
Being honest is not that difficult, especially when it comes to oneself. When it comes to others, one has to find ways in order to address it in such a manner that it doesn't hurt their feelings....especially when things turn out that you were right....never ever say I told you so....
If I may give a hint....always come from the place of love and kindness and never in anger....
Yes it requires practice and sometimes I fail in that as well.
The Lost Poet T​(sub female)
1 year ago • 11/22/2020 11:34 am

Honesty

The Lost Poet T​(sub female) • 11/22/2020 11:34 am
I have a question to ask everyone.
Why can people, you know, not be honest to themselves and to others?

I mean even I'm not honest to myself most times though I try to be honest with everyone else. But even then I sometimes lie or hide stuff to avoid hurting their feelings.

Is honesty really that difficult if yes then why? I'll be looking forward to the answers if anyone is willing to respond.