SubtleHush(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Nov 22, 2020
3 years ago •
Nov 22, 2020
Tasnim I think we are honest with ourselves in many situations, but then we just don't want to be right. Like when we know the guy is not good for us. Or we know he is cheating. Or we know our boss will never respect us. So we cling to the lie because it feels safer and needs less real-time action from us. Like ending the relationship, moving away, or quitting the job.
But it is risky. When you link too much with the lie, it becomes an influence on your self-esteem, and accepting the lie then becomes more painful. So we go along thinking, "eventually he love me more, or stop doing that thing."
Looking outward is always easier than looking inward. And depending on how you grow up and how you're culturally raised self-awareness becomes complex.
I was a professional organizer for 12 years with my own business. I would tell the client at our first meeting, "I'm going to ask a lot of questions and some will seem downright silly to you. Please just indulge me and answer honestly so that I can understand." And I did ask a lot of questions. Like, "Why do you have 12 irons?"
See, I knew they didn't need 12 irons. THEY didn't know. And because I asked a lot of simpleton questions, they would answer me in simple terms. And as they answered they would 'hear' themselves for the first time. Often they'd say. "Wow, I don't need 12 irons." Or they'd say, "Well, they're still good." meaning they still get hot.
And then I'd ask about UT ratings and auto-shut offs and all the safety features modern irons have that these don't.
Sometimes learning to tell yourself the truth is learning what it looks like. That is what counseling is all about. People joke that therapists and counselors often ask "How do you feel about that?" and they do. That is because it isn't their understanding that is needed. It's the client. And as they unpack the feelings around an unwanted choice or action they often hear it differently for the first time.
That is how you build the connection from your outside, what the world needs part, to the inside, telling yourself the truth part.
A lot of folks journal too. Which is a safe way to be honest with yourself. One friend of mine has journaled for years and when she goes back a year or so and reads her thoughts, it's always different than she thought back then.
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