A slave’s life (realistically)

A slave’s life (realistically)

Looey​(sub male) • Mar 17, 2021

Hello all. I’m new to the community and have taken a lot of interest in Femdom. On the bdsm test I got slave as my top thing, but I am not sure what that looks like day to day. Doms/Dommes, what would you have your ‘slave’ do? Would things be sexy focused or more like “go do some chores” and that’s it? What would my lifestyle look like in your opinion?

BikerDan​(other male) • Mar 17, 2021

Every Dom has a different idea of what they want their slave to do.
I’m heavily into BDSM and gear fetishes, and my slave has to be a fully covered blind-hooded gagged and restrained ‘drone’ dressed as a rubber gimp, skinhead, scally, biker, .......
It would be my interactive life-size sex toy and fetish model. No household chores.

I’m a bit extreme for most, but that’s just the way I am.

MisterWolf​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

I think what a slave is depends very much on the dynamic. One explanation I like is that a sub agrees limits and a safeword while the slave gives up that safeword. Certainly a slave has less rights than a sub in my mind.

What the slave 'does' depends on the Dom/Domme and the slave's agreement. Some will be purely sexual, others service, others a combination.

Just because you are a slave does not mean you lose your voice though.

Sounds like you are new to the idea - my suggestion is to take it easy and slowly emerse yourself into the role.

Good luck.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

Just do what you're told. It's really that simple, but first think of the worst thing in the world youd ever want to do and consider if youd be able to do it when ordered to. It's not always that bad, but that's essentially the life of a slave.

Looey​(sub male) • Mar 17, 2021

Thanks guys! And I’ll make sure to ease into the idea since I’m new.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Mar 18, 2021

I respectfully disagree with MisterWolf about the lack of safe word. I'm a slave and I have a safe word. The difference, in my mind, is that the slave has gone so far over to the path of surrender that there is no off-time when the slave is not subject to the Master's whim. I have never used my safe word, but that's because my Master's and my kinks are matched closely enough that he isn't interested in crossing lines when I would have to use a safe word. We like the same things so I don't need to use it.

A sub is a sub for the moment--maybe a night, maybe a week. Everything is negotiated and when that time ends, they go back to being just a regular person. They cease to be that dominant's sub. They can sub to someone else or no one as they choose. A slave is a slave always. They don't have to be live-in, though many are. The difference is that they are ALWAYS at their Master/Mistress's command, no matter what, even when they aren't together.

creidsinn​(sub female) • Mar 18, 2021

Rieunleashed, i respectfully disagree. A sub stays a sub longer than a night or a scene. Subs all have different levels of service-for lack of a better word- but are always a sub if in a dynamic. If you’re just talking top or bottom then your description works. imo

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Mar 18, 2021

Creidsinn, I'm afraid I must also respectfully disagree. Top and bottom refers to who has what done to them. Dominants can be bottoms. Subs can be service tops and do things to their dominants at the dominant's instruction. Tops and bottoms don't submit or dominate. Spankers and spankees, sadists and masochists, peggers, floggers...these are top and bottom activities. They can be performed by dominants or submissives depending on the situation.

I agree that subs can be subs for more than one night. If you read my comment, that is exactly what I said. It can last as long as negotiated. Slavery is permanent. It is continuous. It doesn't end. It is negotiated at the beginning and it stays that way. It doesn't end when the submissive goes home or takes their collar off or whatever.

At the end of the day, a slave is a slave when they identify themselves as one and when their dynamic identifies them as one. It has nothing to do with who does what to whom or whether they have a safe word or even how much say they have in the dynamic.

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • Mar 18, 2021

Everyone in this thread is getting stuck in “what’s twue” and the fact is that there is no consensus definition between folks about what it means to be a bottom, a slave or a sub or a Reuben. It’s all subject to the individual. There is a general theme that slave denotes a more “hardcore” aspect of the lifestyle, but this isn’t accurate either. Best practice is to talk to the D or M type you’re negotiating with and get super specific about what they are expecting of you as the submissive/slave.

Particularly if you’re looking for a TPE kind of relationship your M type should really have a very clear vision of what they’re expecting from you, and you should be able to lean into that vision and get a sense of what being their property will really look like.

Bunnie • Mar 18, 2021

@ Looey,

Some people believe a slave is a form of progression (from being a submissive to being a slave). I don’t tend to share that mindset. I see submissives and slaves as chalk and cheese. Not more or less, just different. As mentioned above by House Talion, how much autonomy do you desire, or desire to give up? There is no “right” answer to that... it’s a very individual thing.

Then there’s the journey of finding someone who wants those same aspects that counter that (or it could be said, who’s values align, eg. someone who wants the matching amount of responsibility etc).

As an analogy, I see it much like a dance. First we have to know what style of dance we want to do, based on who we are and how we envision our life... then we have to find our dance partner... then we learn how to dance together That’s where the magic is.
The important thing is to know that there is a specific song for the style of dance we choose (meaning that... if you want to carry a certain title, then there is a history that should be respected), however, how we hear it and how we choose to move to it, based on everything that makes us, us... and based on everything that exists between those involved... will always make it our own dance.

So, although M/s has a traditional history that is documented by many people and groups, that is definitely available to anyone to do some research and gain some understanding and knowledge around... your own individual slavery will simply come down to being aligned with whoever is your particular Master.