The insta-dom approach?

The insta-dom approach?

master disaster​(dom male) • Feb 2, 2021

So I have heard from a couple sub women here that some guys try to immediately become their dom. Like in the first message... It seems completely foreign to me. And all I can think of is someone's first message being...

YOU ARE MY SLAVE NOW. BOW DOWN AT MY FEET!!

Anyway my question is are there actually any submissives (man or woman) that would respond well to that?

Bleiz​(sub female) • Feb 2, 2021

I keep thinking there has to be some, otherwise they'd stop doing it. Not sure though

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 2, 2021

The only ppl I'd consider interested in such would be any that were always deemed unworthy of divination or one of the many subs/slaves that are just looking for a free ride

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 2, 2021

To balance there are also plenty of insta-subs/slaves/littles/pets/sissys etc.

There are those who are so super thirsty/desperate, horn balls, so lacking in self-respect, self-worth, lacking in knowledge, that yes, sadly they do accept such an approach. Often one sees someone new here, and a day later or so, they have a name in their collar, now with a dom etc, or new dom with a sub, so insta-approachs would seem (on the face of it) to net people, on both sides of the slash.

Of course some of these occurrences may be people in long established off site dynamics coming here and pitching their collective tent, but in other cases it looks like its not, new people having just arrived, advertised, and suddenly they are in a dynamic. Always hard to know what's going on behind the scenes, and way too easy to assume, but some of these pairings, its likely are as a result of insta-dom, or insta-sub approachs.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Feb 2, 2021

I suspect it’s a combination of 2 things.

1 - Throw enough mud and something will eventually stick - so they eventually get a result, which encourages repeat behaviour.

2 - They convince themselves that the rejection and reaction they get is because the third party is obviously not really the life and is just playing at it.

Just my thoughts - for what they’re worth

KisforKitten​(sub female) • Feb 2, 2021

I am ashamed to say that when I first started exploring kink in my early twenties it worked on me, but I would like to add I was naïve and god I fucking hate it to the high heavens now. How times have changed!!

xx

master disaster​(dom male) • Feb 2, 2021

I find myself wondering if anyone I approached over the last few months were turned off by my laid back approach.

Like were any woman going "ugh no. If only he declared himself my master for life and immediately demanded nudes"..

SassKay​(sub female) • Feb 2, 2021

It makes me feel cautious. If someone doesn't take the time to have a conversation about what I'm comfortable with before just hopping into a role, are they going to respect my boundaries without knowing them? Probably not...

Also, it's presumptuous just in general? It doesn't offend me, though, but it definitely makes me very, very cautious and inevitably nonresponsive.

MilkAndToast​(sub male){looking} • Feb 2, 2021

I ultimately come to the conclusion that I don't want to interact with that person at all. While I'm new to the lifestyle/scene, everything I hear is about patience. Patience in finding a partner, patience in negotiating scenes, patience in playing.

Either they aren't interested in sharing those views or I end up seeing a bunch of red flags and assuming those people are either scammers or blackmailers. It's easy to take advantage of someone who considers themselves submissive because of the potential for the inexperienced, horny, low self-esteemed people that are out there.

I don't know if I'm just being overly cautious/paranoid/having trust issues or if I'm being reasonable in that thought process. But I err on the side of caution so I don't take the risk with those people and that's how I think of them... a risk.

Curious Raven​(other female) • Feb 3, 2021

I could see this being the strategy of choice for someone who is otherwise attached but looking to have a low-demand experience on the DL. That person is likely looking to get down to business ASAP and has no interest in really developing a dynamic, patiently or otherwise. I would imagine that the Insta-Dom phenomenon is highly associated with ghosting. So cynical! LOL