Brats

Brats

LittleSubFox​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2021

(If I put this in the wrong forum, please feel free to delete or correct)

Why is it that the second I say I'm a brat, people run? Like, yeah I get some people don't like brats, but me personally, I'm not the type of brat that says "Make me" all the time and absolutely refuses to do what you say... I know when to not be a brat and to listen. I know when to be good. I'm not a straight up little shit that doesn't know how to be obedient. It's so frustrating when I feel I make a connection with someone and I get ghosted because I say I'm a brat... Maybe I should just lie and wait until I'm in a relationship? I don't know what to do...Any advice?

Also, before anyone tries to make assumptions, this is not about just one person... This is a continuous dilemma for me. It's really disheartening when you try to make a connection with someone and the second you say you're a brat... they either stop replying, or immediately say, "I don't deal with brats." I'm truly upset and hurt that some brats have become almost a bad thing. I'm not bad...

LunarEclipse​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2021

I'm with you! For what it's worth, don't lie. That's exactly the opposite of what it takes to be in a healthy D/s relationship.

Not every Dom is equipped to handle a brat. In my experience, it's more often a lack of understanding of how to tame a brat that causes Doms to say "I don't deal with brats." Doms need to be extremely secure and confident in who they are in order to handle a brat. Brats challenge the Dom's authority so insecure Doms struggle to tame a brat. This lack of understanding and self-efficacy then results in brats getting a bad rap. Of course just like in any role, some brats ruin it for the rest of us two. One bad apple and all that...

Regardless it is NOT a reflection on you, rather just a difference in tastes/desires. If we were an ice cream flavor, I think we'd be cotton candy with pop-rocks!

For me, I brat from a playful place 90% of the time. Do I want a Dom that is going to squash it every single time? No, be playful back. But I do want Dom who can say enough is enough with either a look, a word or even a punishment. It strengthens my trust and respect for them.
However, there are times I brat strictly for a reaction. Call it topping from the bottom if you will but for me it's difficult to say "I need your attention." or "I'm feeling insecure in our dynamic." So therefore I act in a way that will get that attention because I'm seeking out reassurance that my Dom is in control and it brings me back to center.

Don't give up hope! Us brats have to stick together otherwise these Dom will have us tamed in no time

LittleSubFox​(sub female) • Mar 13, 2021

Imagine what it would be like if two brats decide to get together and make a sub/Dom relationship out of that xD Absolute chaos

Rivermxl • Mar 13, 2021

You are not bad.

Don't know you or bratty you but there is never anything wrong with how you choose to live your kink. So long as it involves informed consent and those basics. A lot of doms and would be doms don't like brats or the concept of brat for mainly one of the following reasons:

This one is important and the only one I consider valid: Any given dom may simply not like brats as part of their kink, and that's okay.

Misconception of who brats are or all the different types.

Brats, as delightful as they can be, can be challenging subs. A lot of doms simply don't like to be challenged or they CAN'T deal with said challenge. I personally enjoy the experience but you'll find that being a good dom depends on many factors that not that many people comply with.

Keep your hope up, we love you brats.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Mar 13, 2021

I know exactly what you mean. I am a Brat and because there was not alot of positive information out there about Brats, I decided to write my own. 10 chapters can be found at the begining of my blog. It's called "The Art of the Brat".

Most people do not understand WHY a Brat will brat out. In fact, I am finding that most Brats do not understand the WHY...it's about the origins.

There is nothing wrong with you!! Try not to feel shame over your Brat....there is a very good reason for it.

charlesutter​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2021

There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with them.

I have to be honest that I am not attracted to the word brat, probably because of all the keyboard warriors out there who acts very bratty, but I also know that this is on me. It’s just a word, but it does trigger things. Words is all we have until we are engaged in a conversation.

Have you thought about explaining your needs and only introducing the word after a connection has been established with someone? Just a thought that might. It work for you.

I can only comment in this as someone new to these wonderful dynamics and it has taken me 3 years to properly understand the difference between a slave and a submissive. Now I have to understand all the wonderful subtleties that make up the wonderful sub universe.

I want to echo the other wise responses here. Don’t ever change who you are and what you want. There is someone that needs exactly what you need as well.

This must be terribly frustrating for you but hang in there!

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 13, 2021

Words mean different things to different people. "I'm a brat" is as wide-ranging as "I'm a sub." But inevitably some people will take that word and use the definition and classification they associate with it, and categorize you by that instantly.

It's as useless as assuming any one person holds every trait associated with such a term. This is yet another reason why I don't like labels,

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Mar 13, 2021

Don't start the lying process... or the "peacock" presentation method just to get a date.

You are looking for one person in a sea of everyone. That isn't easy. You don't need it. I know it is rough, (34 y.o saying that in a relationship less than 6m old... it is a long road ahead) but consider yourself lucky they came in and were gone so quickly. Time well saved.

As a submissive who is "pretty good at her "job"" I end up in rationships for years with people who peacock. Trust me, when it is built on a lie, or a struggle, these things will surface.

Character is hard to change. Better off to embrace who you are, and end up with someone who is compatible, not have to leave after 5 or 10 years because you found someone who will just "do". Just personal choice. But you will spend a lot longer finding yourself tomorrow if you lose yourself today.

Be Good. Not Good Enough.

L a r s​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2021

I suspect that there is a major factor that leads most folks to becoming a dom, as well as a less common one.
The first one being trait disagreeableness, which is probably more accurately described as "competitiveness". Such folks are not averse to conflict (some enjoy it, in fact) and tend to view life more in terms of a game with winners and losers. That is a generality, and it's not something which, even if true, I believe you should assign morality to. Disagreeable/competitive people aren't BAD people, just more oriented towards vying for dominance. Many of these folks, I assume, would not mind a bratty sub, and "taming" them. I imagine many of them would actually get bored of a more quiet, demure sub.

However, for me personally, and I imagineany other, neuroticism is a motivator for my dominant tendencies. (And neuroticism is the technical term, according to the Big Five psychological model, negative connotation aside.)
Basically it's a sensitivity to threat, or negative stimuli. One of the reasons I am looking for a D/s relationship is because I trust myself to make good decisions and take care of folks, based on experience, and I very deliberately want to avoid conflict and argument.
I was an ra at college. I loved providing info, structure, events, and a listening ear to the dudes on my floor. I HATED having to enforce rules, especially repeatedly. I would have absolutely loathed if someone deliberately pushed boundaries to see what they could get away with.

So one of three things is probably happening.
1) you're dealing with disagreeable dominants who aren't particularly confident. (Try not to hold it against them; not everyone is experienced)
2) you're dealing with dominants who have had bad experiences with subs
3) you're dealing with more neurotic doms who want a more peaceful style of dominance.

It could obviously be some combination of the three as well. Unfortunately, based on the number of ways you could miss what you're looking for, the window of opportunity for finding that dom that welcomes the challenge of your brat tendency becomes narrower.
But a narrow window of opportunity also weeds out a bunch of nonsense. Probably the best thing you can do is more actively seek of competitive doms. Not sure how you might be able to figure that out other than talking with them about it?

Good luck

KatinkaLee​(sub female) • Mar 14, 2021

And then strangers claiming to be Doms send you messages like this....

"May the odds be in your favor pathetic fuck puppet bitch ur just a brat and no one likes to put up with that bs u slave"

I had really hoped this site would be different