Brats

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 7, 2021

Hehe...I completely understand how perplexed you must feel. "A Dom Brat? Is that even possible?"

Let's change the definition of "brat" from a word to an acronym and maybe it'll help you understand the complexity of Brats. Think about my PTSD analogy in my previous post. I think we can at least agree that PTSD itself has a physical aspect, a social aspect, and an emotional aspect and they are all related to trauma. The trauma is what caused all these problems: nightmares, panic attacks, anger issues, trouble in crowds, trouble connecting to other people, etc.

Now think about Brats and what THEY do. Did you know Brats have nightmares relating to their trauma? That they suffer panic attacks? That alllll the things that someone with PTSD goes through, a brat goes through?

(B)io-social
(R)esponce
(A)fter
(T)rauma
...B.R.A.T.

In my studies and research, I have discovered that Brats are just people (since the question was related to Doms..who tend to be male) who suffer from PTSD. Statistically, in the United States, there are nearly 700,000 unique reports made each year regarding child abuse. UNIQUE reports. It's a startling statistic and not all of those reports involve just girls but boys as well.

Now, Bratism can take many forms, physical (the practical joke players...the ones who put glitter in car air vents), verbal (those are the ones who throw out the "fuck you. Make me!"), and then there are ones like me, the intellectual brats. We use logic and loopholes to play mental "tennis" or "chess" as our form of play.

Now the make Dom I know who is a Brat is a teasing, practical joking, mental gymnastics kinda brat...HOWEVER, how it presents is that he uses it to outmaneuver his wife. It's almost like they try and "one up" each other. It's truly adorable to hear about. If I ever meet them in person, I'll have to write a chapter about it!

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 7, 2021

@Wytch,

As a side note.....

Not everyone who calls themselves a Brat *IS* a Brat. Some people are just bitches.

I know of one particular person here that calls themselves a brat but in my personal opinion, is just a bitch.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 7, 2021

And that right there is the problem. Just from reading some of the rebuttals from some of the "brat" types on this thread explains WHY some people totally tune out and get turned off when they say "I'm a brat and no one likes me". What is annoying is how often these types try to out the blame on dominants for not being "man enough to tame me". LMAO. It apparently doesn't occur to some that the manhood of the dominant isn't the problem here. In my 25 years lifestyle experience, I've NEVER met a real life dominant who has any enthusiasm for dealing with issues that would best (in their estimation) be dealt with in a therapeutic setting.

I fully understand trauma and have suffered enough to fill a book with. One of my ex husbands is a licensed forensic psychologist/hypnotherapist and also has an M.D. in psychiatry. The marriage floundered once I realized he never wanted anything from me but to get me under his thumb to exploit my "weaknesses". That's not to say I regret the marriage - far from it. It was exactly what I needed at the time and was rewarding for 15 years.

I see you've devoted a lot of study to the brat dynamic and that takes dedication. It's just not in me to get on board with the "they deserve to be indulged" mantra. No disrespect intended.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 7, 2021

I understand your perspective and in some respects, I agree. It wasn't till I did the research that I understood that my brat DIRECTLY correlates with my traumatic childhood. It takes a MASSIVE amount of introspection and yes, therapy, to get to that point. It's why I wrote my "Art of the Brat" thesis paper (found in the begining of my blog), because there is a severe lack of positive and educational material out there regarding the me talk and emotional needs, drives, and motivations of Brats.



Because it's so rare, I covered that in my blog and interviewed Doms who do love Brats and the challenges they present. I have also found that a large number of Brats are Middles...your basic teenager mentality, with all the emotional ups and downs included.




We aren't asking to be indulged (well, the brats that *I* know anyways). We are asking for understanding and to not be shamed for being ourselves. Sadists aren't shamed for wanting to beat the fuck out of women. Masochists aren't shamed for enjoying pain. Slaves aren't shamed for wanting to be of service....well, not to the extent that Brats are shamed. With that shame is complete rejection, of the PERSON. Not just the kink but the PERSON. It's not just a rejection of "oh, our kinks don't line up". No. It's "Brats are bad people!"

You will find that a Sadist, a Masochist, and a slave will get GREATER acceptance as PEOPLE (as well as their kink) than a brat does.

It is my view that a Brat will not unleash their full brat to just anyone. Sure, we can be mouthy to someone who is a dick. We can joke around and trash talk with the best of them, but in the end, a Brat is deeply submissive and will unleash the full brat only with those they trust will not reject them for their style of humor and means of connecting with someone. We have deep pools of pain that, were we a slave or masochist, people wouldn't bat an eye to. People understand that when a slave cries or a masochist cries, they are releasing their pain and working through their own trauma. A Brat has a difficult time connecting with their feelings because we were invalidated so much as children and shamed for having or expressing our feelings.

The teasing, pushing, joking around...it's difficult for us to say, "I'm in pain! Please help me. I need...(fill in the blank)."

We DO know (from childhood experience) that by pushing buttons, we can receive a reaction. What tames us, what corrals our emotions, is being outfoxed by the trusted person we show our brat to.

We WANT the cat to chase us through the maze and as we are given more acceptance, we give more submission and we learn more about what makes us tick. We WANT to sink into our submission...we just need help getting there.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 7, 2021

Again, I mean no disrespect but these "invalidated feelings in childhood" are hardly rare in any segment of the population - either kinky or vanilla. I don't identify as a submissive as a label. I have "submitted" to only two men and married both of them - even so I remained autonomous for the most part. I suspect I'm much older than you and I grew up in an era where if you experienced "trauma" you "manned up" and put on a brave face and dealt with it without expecting anyone to take time to do an in depth psychological study of your life and adjust their own lives to walk you through it.

I have no beef with any dominant person who knows what they're walking into and who embraces and relishes those challenges. What's off putting to me (and clearly a few others here) are those "brats" who stomp their feet and DEMAND others to step aside and take into consideration how rough they've had it and how ill equipped they seem to be to relate to others in any manner other than attention seeking divas. Saying "this is the only way I know how to get my needs met" so don't judge me seems very indulgent to me. You seem to be very articulate and with a firm grasp of your inner workings but very few other "brats" that have responded here seem to have your self awareness. Thanks so much for your explanations.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 7, 2021

Hehehe...well, if you are over the age of 50 then you age quite well. I'll be 50 in May.

I looked back and clicked on the ID of the OP. Her profile doesn't exist. Neither is the bitch you responded to in the other thread (the first one). I've not gone through this whole thread again to reread the responces so I can't comment on those. I WILL tell you that most brats don't realise that they don't know themselves as well as they think, especially the younger ones.

Now me, I've been in therapy for nearly 40 years (yup, started in grade school) so I've had a bit of time to learn about my inner workings and I can tell you that I'm STILL learning.

The older Brats, the ones who realise that their Brat stems from their abuse, aren't looking to be coddled. Quite the opposite. There is a HUGE difference between coddling and not being denegrated and shamed for traits that stem from childhood abuse. Yes, we have to be accountable for our actions just like anyone else, HOWEVER, ridiculing, bullying, shaming, and using our kink as a slur is not ok either.

The self-aware brats, the ones who understand it's origins, understand that not every Dom is going to want a relationship with a brat...

But some do and actively look for brats because they understand the brats may have a hard candy coating on the outside, but inside, we are tender, warm, service oriented, love deeply, value honesty, value respect, value loyalty, and value vulnerability.

And we love to play. We love laughter and intelligence and verbal ping-pong.

And we cry, and feel, and care deeply.

Is it too much to ask that we not be vilified because we are wounded?

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 7, 2021

Btw, thank you for the discussion and being open to talking about such a complex subject. It is appreciated.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 8, 2021

It's very early and I'm still working on my first cup of coffee and not feeling industrious enough to backtrack through this thread for specific examples - BUT the discussion started with the complaint that once the "brat" word is revealed to prospective dominants, they cut off all conversations and back away from any further contact. I read a few of these comments by brats as being complaints that dominants should just put aside their disinterest and "give them a chance" and "treat us *fairly* because "we can't help the way we are". I think my own interpretations are shared by others who've chimed in - but it's been mostly DOMINANTS who've spoken up on *that* issue.

Re: Brats

Defender​(dom male) • Dec 8, 2021

I will answer the original question without a wall of text:

It is because Dominants choose which type of submissive they wish to connect with.

(I expect subs do the same.....)

Re: Brats

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 8, 2021

There it is. A no frills and no rambling and babbling explanation.