Is Chivalry Dead?

Jack of all doms​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2021

Someone discussed this on Facebook that they got from a long reddit thread where people in the US were discussing nice versus caring.

As in east coast people are not nice but they are caring and the reverse is true for the west coast meaning people in the east coast will chew you out fo cutting into a line but will also stop and help a woman carry a baby carriage up steps, e.g., not nice but caring.Whereas people on the west coast are more polite but will let the door slam in your face even if they are leaving a store and see your hands are full, e.g., not caring but nice.

The "experts" were people who lived in both places for extended periods of time.

Some cultures, for example, value civility and politeness over sincerity and honesty. I've read for example foreigners from cultures where one does not casual say that you want to meet outside of work unless you really plan on doing that and were miffed Americans say this all the time in a business or work environment without actually meaning it.

Bunnie • Apr 5, 2021

Unfortunately I think men are becoming afraid to be chivalrous. Opening a door for a woman these days gives them (I would hazard a guess at) a more than 50% (probably likely about 80%) chance of being berated for it.

As females we always want our cake and to eat it too. “I’m capable and can do it myself.” Yet in the next breath... “Where are all the gentlemen?!”

There are still plenty of chivalrous gentlemen. I meet them all the time, and they’re wonderful. If men aren’t stepping up in your life to help you, perhaps ask yourself what message you’re giving off. It’s not about “needing” help from a man. It’s about allowing our men to care for us in their own space of masculinity. As a perfectly capable, independent woman, I love the feeling of a man caring enough to step forward to help me, and I embrace and accept it with an open and grateful heart.

MrFulmen • Apr 5, 2021

Eh. Don't fall for that line. If men were afraid of women's reactions to them, street harrassment wouldn't be a thing. And it is not at all hard to figure out how to be nice to people without getting berated for it. I've opened doors for all kinds of folks all my life, and it's never been a problem. Probably because I don't do it with a conspicuous flourish and a patronizing "After you, little lady."

Guys who say "I wish I could be nice to women, but I can't because I'm afraid of how mean and feminist they are," were never going to be nice to women. They just want make it look like working towards equality is costing you something.

Bunnie • Apr 6, 2021

@ MrFulmen,

Lol. Perhaps I should have stated, capable, independent, *free thinking* woman.
I understand your intent, and appreciate your thoughts, thank you. However, it’s a little patronising to be told that just because my opinion doesn’t align with “how a woman should think,” that it is because it has been tarnished by the thoughts of men with less than honourable intentions

My observations are indeed that it is becoming more difficult for men to be chivalrous... especially those who still stand firmly in their masculinity.

SinMaster • Apr 6, 2021

I was taught early to open doors and hold them for anyone else.
I still hold car doors for ladies to get in.
I have no problem with helping people across busy streets and walking on the outside of a lady near a street.
I don’t care what people think it makes me smile.

Likalottapuss​(dom male) • Apr 6, 2021

No it not dead 100%

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Apr 6, 2021

I believe it is this above that is at the heart of the matter. I allow the masculinity in my slaves and submissives to flourish in a careful positive way.

Praise and smiles from me in a certain way encourages certain behaviours that I cherish in a capable self aware adult.

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Apr 6, 2021

Bunnie
1 day ago • 04/05/2021 5:43 am
Unfortunately, I think men are becoming afraid to be chivalrous. Opening a door for a woman these days gives them (I would hazard a guess at) a more than 50% (probably likely about 80%) chance of being berated for it.
.......................

I'm inclined to agree with MrFulmen. I've never seen nor been aware of any woman berating another person for holding a door.

When I consulted I often helped clients see that there are reasons and excuses.

Reasons are those things you recognize and address or workaround. Thus there is ultimately resolution and action.
Excuses are things that people use to defend inaction. Thus there is no action. Just permission to stay put.

Tail Spin{working on} • Apr 7, 2021

No it's not dead but has suffered greatly on the battlefield of time and culture .Unfortunately hollywood pop culture and B movies have made it the but of many jokes .The real thing is felt in the heart by any man that respected the virtue and honor of his grandmother mother and sisters , and Later when finally finding his equal or better half in love and companionship . I still open doors (even when frowned on. i help anyone I see stranded beside the road .I give up my seat to women and the elderly . I still believe that most people are good and wish to do good. I don't curse . I dont steal or lie . I still look to the horizon for the Calvary to save the day and will continue to Because as long as i believe in It and act Chivalrous then No its not Dead . My grandmother succeed in raising a southern gentleman and i am Proud to be her grandson .

Aquilla​(dom male){ • • •. [} • Apr 7, 2021

Social conditions between men and women have been growing more equal for the last century or two. Gender roles are not so ridgid as they used to be and so the social poetry between the sexes us much more democratic and bland.
We see each other as equals and so there is no need for modern men to give preference to modern women.
In fact when we do, it is sometimes seen as theater or even comical.
That being said, it is also possible to choose to be chivalrous in a sincere manner despite the attitudes of others.
A chivalrous act can still ring that ancient bell that at least some women can still hear.