Things you wish you had known....

Things you wish you had known....

DeliciouslyDelicate • Apr 17, 2021

Just curious...If you could go back in time and give your new to the kink scene self any advice or warning, what would it be?
Feel free to share the story behind the advice if you feel the need....someone else could be in a similar situation now!

We're all at different levels and the wealth of knowledge is priceless!!

DaddiesPumpkin​(switch female){Not Lookin} • Apr 17, 2021

Thought provoking... I like it.

For me, I would definitely have to tell myself that "fairytales aren't real, darling."

When I came here, towards the ending of last year... I had all these hopes and dreams on what I thought I wanted or needed. Completely neglecting the fact that, that was a naive way of thinking.

Also, at one point I even questioned myself within the lifestyle as a self proclaimed switch. From the messages I received telling me that...

"I was just confused and needed to be put in my place" (that's putting it mildly)

So I would also tell myself to not be ashamed or worried how others view me. It's not their life, after all. To embrace myself fully and never allow my worth to be measured by another.

~ interested in what maybe others will share ~

Berlin​(sub female){Collared} • Apr 17, 2021

Not every Dom who pursues you is the Dom for you! People will try to test your self esteem and self worth but as long as you keep your crown up high, you will prevail! Take your time.

Rivermxl • Apr 17, 2021

My advice to myself would be rather simple:

"Don't wait to make yourself known in the community."

Reason is just missing out on meeting people and sharing, just because I kept all of my BDSM experiences private, even from sites like this one.

It actually has been very little time since I "stepped into the light" and so far it has been impressive to me how much good can come from sharing one's experience and thoughts to those who need or seek them.

latexbondagebunny​(other male) • Apr 17, 2021

Simply put.

Slow down. Enjoy the ride.


Latty

MrFulmen • Apr 17, 2021

That is a great question.

I wish I'd understood earlier that consent is not a replacement for ethics.

I played with people in ways that they did agree to, but that if I had been paying attention to anything beyond "They said yes!" I probably would have been able to tell they were likely to regret later--play that they weren't really ready for, or were agreeing to for the wrong reasons.

And I related to people in ways that ignored the differences in privilege between us. I'm quoted in a book, where the researcher asks me about use of the words "Master" and "slave," and my answer was to dismissively say that obviously what we're doing in BDSM has nothing to do with nonconsensual slavery and everybody understands we're using the words differently. Totally oblivious to the fact that the connection to chattel slavery might be harder to ignore for people more directly impacted by it. And I'm preeeeety embarrassed about that now.

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 17, 2021

Your fantasies aren't as fun as a real, flesh and blood dynamic built on trust.

Be patient, it's worth it.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 17, 2021

A lot of people use kink to justify character flaws; there is nothing wrong with your approach.

Doms and subs and everything in between.

Kelpi • Apr 17, 2021

Not everyone is real. You will get hurt but them you have to remember the friends you found after you got hurt. Respect the ladies as you want to be respected. Make friends often and listen more than you talk. When you finally find her love with everything do not hold back. You may get hurt but knowing her will make you a better man. When she leaves do not look back keep looking forward and remember the lessons you learned. Never think bad about her but remember the good things and let your mind and heart heal. Pass the love forward and leave the hate behind. Most of all remember who your are those who made you into you.

body electric • Apr 17, 2021

Hmmm.. good one.
Something I wish I had known..

I would say ... to just speak up more. Even though one may be the submissive, it doesn't mean you don't have a voice. That you have the right to say exactly what it is you want. And you have the right to not engage in anything that does not meet what it is you're looking for or will make you happy. You're just as much in control of the situation if not more. To simply not be afraid because of someone else's dissatisfaction. But mainly to ensure that there is compatibility and that you're not wasting your time.