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SubtleHush​(sub female)
2 weeks ago • 04/26/2021 7:35 pm
SubtleHush​(sub female) • 04/26/2021 7:35 pm
acquiesced​(sub male)
Demisexual
"There are a few unspoken BDSM core principles that I've believed in since I was very young, this is one of them: BDSM is not a 50/50 dynamic. Relationship equality is what vanilla people strive for."
..................................
Beg to differ. BDSM and power exchange dynamics are totally 50/50.

BOTH must fulfill their part 110%.
Both must trust. Both must invest.
Both must devote themselves to the other.
BOTH must come to the dynamic motivated.
Both must be willing to work and grow and evolve else the dynamic fails.

How we mold that may not look like 50/50, but make no mistake, merging two or more people into a demanding dynamic such as ours requires nothing less than 50/50 effort at the least. At the most, it's 100/100.

These are the types of assumptions that inspire selfishness.
"He'll take care of me and I won't have to be an adult" &
"She'll have no choice but to put up with my BS because I am the commander of all! I do no wrong and I do not answer for my actions."
............
So you can go find your 10% because many out there are depending on that. But it isn't realistic. It never was and the odds of you lasting in that type of divide are worse than 50/50.

And btw, calling something vanilla isn't a curse. We are all vanilla in some aspects of our lives because that is being an adult.
I'm not ashamed of being a responsible vanilla adult. Nor should anyone else be.

H*
acquiesced​(sub male)
2 weeks ago • 04/26/2021 7:43 pm
acquiesced​(sub male) • 04/26/2021 7:43 pm
H*

I apologize if you've taken what I wrote as offensive. 50/50 responsibility, trust, effort, intent, all true. My comment was more about power exchange, and my perspective is that requires an imbalance of some sort. And I did not mean to be critical of Vanilla relationships.

All that being said,

"the odds of you lasting in that type of divide are worse than 50/50"

I'm not sure you or anyone else can make this statement about me.
OraclePollon​(sub female){AlphaWolfe}
2 weeks ago • 04/26/2021 7:50 pm
Agree AC,

It is not meant as a degradation. Sometimes trust is carried and nurtured by the submissive more than the Dom and sometimes demanding obedience is the Dom responsibility.

I think you have taken the 50/50 extremely literal. I do still agree that s dynamic is not 50/50 in that respect. Just like I don't expect my Sir to be 50% of the things that are my job to uphold in the dynamic, nor do I want to be responsible for 50% of what he provides for me.

I suppose if you want to average all the give and take... it could look like 50/50... but then it is more like 110/110 and not half and half at all. So even the most literal understanding of 50/50 might fall short.

Also, not what this forum is about at all.
SubtleHush​(sub female)
2 weeks ago • 04/26/2021 10:05 pm
SubtleHush​(sub female) • 04/26/2021 10:05 pm
acquiesced​(sub male)
2 hours ago • 04/26/2021 12:43 pm
H*

I apologize if you've taken what I wrote as offensive. 50/50 responsibility, trust, effort, intent, all true. My comment was more about power exchange, and my perspective is that requires an imbalance of some sort. And I did not mean to be critical of Vanilla relationships.

All that being said,

"the odds of you lasting in that type of divide are worse than 50/50"

I'm not sure you or anyone else can make this statement about me.
.......................
OK fair enough. Perhaps I should say it this way.

In 22+ years I have not seen any long term success in dynamics that functioned in a 90/10 ratio

You may well be the exception to that rule. And I hope for you if that is your wish that you find it.
OraclePollon​(sub female){AlphaWolfe}
2 weeks ago • 04/26/2021 10:10 pm
OraclePollon​(sub female){AlphaWolfe} • 04/26/2021 10:10 pm
Okay subtle. Can you clarify please.

Are you saying that in 22+ years a 90/10 in the "Power Exchange" area does not work?

That is the ONLY area he is talking about. So if that is what you mean, please state as much so we can all be clear.
SubtleHush​(sub female)
2 weeks ago • 04/27/2021 2:56 pm
SubtleHush​(sub female) • 04/27/2021 2:56 pm
OraclePollon​(sub female){AlphaWolfe}

Okay, subtle. Can you clarify please? (I think my initial response is clear)

Are you saying that in 22+ years a 90/10 in the "Power Exchange" area does not work?

(I'm saying extremes tend to be hard to impossible to sustain as life is fluid and ever-changing. I've not seen them work. I've seen them start with a lot of flourish and falter when other things interfered. OR the 10% person got tired of getting so little in return.)

That is the ONLY area he is talking about. (And that is ONLY what I was responding to.)

So if that is what you mean, please state as much so we can all be clear. (My responses were clear.)