Tips for managing friendships between extroverts and introverts

Tips for managing friendships between extroverts and introve

Truppensturm​(sub male) • Apr 27, 2021

Hello

I am looking for some tips to manage a friendship with someone who is very extroverted. I am very introverted and get stress/anxiety if I have more than 5 friends. He is very extroverted and likes to have many friends. I seek close and personal contact with the few friends I have. I feel very comfortable and engaged in his presence, because he is the complete opposite of me. I feel I can learn a lot from him and value him therefore a lot.

How do I accept that I am part of his bigger circle of friends and that as such it may be difficult for me to expect that close personal contact with him that I want.

I think maybe I am not the only introverted who has encountered this problem and so I would love to hear your experiences. I am struggling a lot with keeping distance between him and myself, I constantly have to remind myself that I should not be trying to contact him too much because I could end up pushing him away.

I would love to hear your thoughts.



((I have to add an important sidenote to my story above that is only of personal relevance. When I first met this friend he helped me defeat my anxiety to go outside. For that reason I feel very much emotionally connected to him and owe him the world. He means a lot to me. Do you think it would be a good idea to write out what he means for me and give it to him? I could also tell him when we meet again, but I think I would be crying all time))

lilith on rage{never mind} • Apr 27, 2021

The best way to hold a friendship is having good, raw and honest conversation. Though depends upon the mutual connection and how much you value their presence and the same from them.

There is no right and wrong answer. As an introvert you will have to rely on your intuition at the best.  I can relate with the emotional state you're going through.I've been in your shoes; I've been introvert all my life. But I've met some so gentle yet extroverted souls, who have found me and kept me wrapped inside their warm wings.  

They know what an a**hole I can be (not intentionally though, I am just hardwired that way). Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them for having a closed off and moody friend like me. But they love me to the moon and back, and that certainly gives me strength and courage to be a bit more out in the world to share moments with them. Since they are also coming to my zone, to pamper me, to listen to me, to give me insights about their life.  

To conclude, it's all about give and take of mutual trust and respect. Everyone is unique, everyone is special and everyone deserves understanding and warmth without being judged. On a personal note, I am well aware that the equation is not fair for them, as they take 2 steps and I take half a step, but they still encourage me, knowing me well. And such understanding comes with time, patience and valuing each other's company and individuality.  

I hope you will find the courage to share your feelings with your friend. 'Honesty is the best Policy' as someone once said.  
Though remember 'one step at a time' ....
I wish you the best of everything in life. And remember you're special, very very special. who has an equally special friend out there.*cheers

Lx

Sasa​(dom female) • Apr 27, 2021

I need alone time to recover. Made a schedule with appointments I have with myself for example. Works pretty good. And for you: knowing you are enough. You are completely fine how you are. Don't play a role, be just yourself.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Apr 27, 2021

I too am an Introvert, and have had long relationships with Extroverts. Here are my thoughts:

"How do I accept...."

Acceptance is just that. It doesn't require anything else. Just accept it.

"it may be difficult for me to expect that close personal contact with him that I want."

I don't think this has anything to do with Introvert vs Extrovert. You can let him lead you into the world of his many friends, and be there with him (whether physically or not). It can and does work.

Best of luck to you

Truppensturm​(sub male) • Apr 27, 2021

Thank you for the insightful replies! Feels good to read

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 27, 2021

I read that as “Thanks for the insight, reptiles.” and may have spit some water on myself in involuntary response.

As an extrovert who doesn’t like people (a great description given by a friend of mine), I can attest to the fact that sometimes, extroverts can be overwhelmed by deeply emotional displays that are not made within an intimate relationship. This is not always the case, but it may be helpful to take it slowly and test the waters a bit before having the blunt and uninhibited conversation, or writing the deeply heartfelt and emotionally vulnerable letter. A good friend will find a way to be there for you in the end, but one thing about the overwhelming majority of my friends who are introverts is that they seem to do better with dropping their guard around those few good friends they have, even if that may seem nonsensical at first thought.

Miki • Apr 28, 2021

@ Mr. Ash Man! I'm very much an extrovert but I am not a people person beyond brief, very brief small talk. So I guess the "But I don't like people" description can apply.

I believe you reading the post above you as "Thanks for the insight, reptiles" ---was kind of a cool "Freudian slip" thing,wouldn't you agree??
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Anyway as for the original post, I am an extrovert, don't mind speaking to a lot of people on various walks of life but unlike what that Truppensturm dude wrote, I don't go for a lot of "friends" Only "friendly acquaintences".. Most likely because I don't want to give or hear a lot of fine-point details.

I have an affinity for numbers and Trivial Pursuit-type facts and they stick with me pretty well, but names? Bahh! I have poor skill when it comes to keeping the right names with the right faces.

So it stays at "Hey, you!"

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The fact that I'm not into long, detail-intense conversations helps me properly talk with introverts. Asking too many questions or volunteering superfluous information not only doesn't interest them, it makes them uncomfortable.

And I am loath to "try and bring an introvert out of his her (once called) shell. (I believe there is a better word for it but I can't remember what it was. It surely will come to mind a few minutes after I close out and call it a night. Always does.

Anyway, it's not my job or business to try and affect change in others.

.....Well, beyond discreetly offering a mint to anyone I have dealings with possessed of toilet-breath. That kind of change is constructive.....

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2021

I always keep a laser pointer for my extraverted friends. They tire themselves out chasing the thing.

But in all seriousness, I do believe I need to go a bit deep, before getting to the stated question.
The meaning that you feel for the aid this fella gave you does *not* mean that you must have a specific response.
There are folks who changed my life, but were in it for a season, or who were extremely close, and now we talk only once in a while.

There is not a need to force a certain kind of dynamic. Doing so simply won't be the best way to show gratitude. The way to show appreciation for someone who helped you live a better life is very simple; keep living a better life.

Don't stress. Act naturally, and let him do the same. Know your boundaries, and you will both be fine.
Peace.

Re: Tips for managing friendships between extroverts and int

Truppensturm​(sub male) • May 15, 2021

There's little value to what I am about to add here because it's purely personal, but I felt I needed to share it somewhere. 1,5 week ago my friend went back to his home country Israel to visit his family. A couple of days after his arrival the problems in the area started and now he is stuck there in a horrible situation. I feel helpless and desperate that I cannot do anything for him. I find myself coming back to this topic because I feel I will need the tips to manage this friendship/situation now more than ever... Thank you to everyone who contributed to this topic.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • May 15, 2021

My favorite thing about my extroverted comrades is they usually just need me there. My favorite ones are the ones that can just keep talking, and I can be there for them.

Yes it is though on my energy and I need to take time after, but I think he could really use your perfect matched skill right now. Just that person to listen and embrace what they are going through.