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Are Dominant Women Unicorns?

acquiesced​(sub male)
2 years ago • May 23, 2021

Are Dominant Women Unicorns?

acquiesced​(sub male) • May 23, 2021
Just took a quick stroll through FLife for one major city (Las Vegas). After clicking Next on 10 pages of the members lists, only 3 Domme/Mistress profiles could be found. Being a BDSM/Kink old soul, it seems like the baby girl, littles, brats, sub (male and female), etc., as well as other newish categories such as trans, gender fluid, poly, etc. categories are growing like gang busters, but non-professional Female Domme and Mistress profiles are fading like dust in the Southern Nevada wind.

If this trend continues, then Poof, one day there will be none.

So, what's going on here? Why do you think this is happening?
House Talion​(dom male)
2 years ago • May 24, 2021
House Talion​(dom male) • May 24, 2021
Oh, that was just to answer the question in the title.

Everybody's been saying for years there has been too much bs on Flife which makes most ppl overly concious of the environment. Then cl got rid of their personals so Flife got flooded with 10 times as many ubber-doms and now with a plethora of swingers n gang bangers which for most ppl I've heard from dont belong on a site like this as average and above average sex doesnt classify as a fetish to most ppl. Dont get discouraged of the steep decline of the Flife online community as it's still a decent place o find groups and events with other ppl that only use it for groups and events.
MissBonnie​(dom female){oz}
2 years ago • May 24, 2021
Are we unicorns, nope we are about. Most of us are normal every day women and more often than not don't dress in pleather cat suit and bark orders (well not all the time anyway LOL) A lot of women just don't wear the Dominant label...In my experience with my job/s, it is because if you don't know the BDSM community, the mainstream media version, makes us look like screaming modelesk howler monkeys in pleather cat suits that hate men...as well really, how many women to want to seen that way? when your told growing up, to be pleasant and polite as a Female *shrugs* In the hetro world that kind of behavior is labeled as "domineering" not "dominant". So how many are Domme in action but not by name?

Additionally how many more are "Domineering" and living under the terminology or FLR which is often separated from BDSM due its lack of s and m? or living with FLR ir TIH title that would slot into "Femdom" (as in men only have one role)

We are just rarer than rocking horse poo! Or often camouflaged as something else so its not as apparent like I mentioned above!
Are our numbers low? Yes. Even lower when the Pro and Fin and scammers are removed (Cage removes these. Most sites do not. Many thanks to the wonderful owners here! ). Remove the bored and lonely housewife and then numbers crash lower (exploring and bored is not wrong when all parties are transparent.

Some things to also remember is when we Domme are looking, we are bombarded so we often keep it on the down low and look a little differently to Maledoms. We tend to not "advertise" to the same level a Maledom might have too.

....you also need remember we often don't get heard on a Mixed BDSM site (here at cage it isn't to bad. BTW, Ifeel heard here and majority of the malesdoms do not treat me like crap!) as we are lesser in number or we often feel we don't belong as the maledom side of Mixed BDSM is more predominant..often us Dommes voicing an opinion on a maledom thread seems senseless as it only the foundation of safety, that both niches share. More often than not, the mind set behind the action/activity, can be very varied as genders do often think differently. Whats the saying men are from Mars and women are from Venus! Also our opinion on a site that Maledom Centric is often not welcomed. Mixed BDSM (such as the Cage) are more open to varied opinions.

Why are there less of us? Are there or is it that they are just not as visible? Many "sexually" Dominant women don't label as Dommes
it depends on who you ask. For myself I've never struggled with partners even pre internet, in short (for some of us) why use online or even attend community events. Even when you are single....Most guys in general will tolerate a little rough and tumble where a Domme might find some common ground to work within. More often than not, this isn't labeled as being primal or Domme and is often just thought of as "sexually adventitious" These women rarely enter BDSM sites. Also see below ....on why, I am getting there LOL

then there are us that do have partners . Life works for us, then is there a need to continue on sites such as this? Sites are often used for support or information...but things working, that need diminishes. Women are also more likely to be monogamous when they are less Fetish based/wired and more kinked (talking the book version of fetishism).
We do however often tend to drift back when, we might happen to find ourselves single or having a relationship issue.. but again do women rarely go with out? Especially those that know what they want and go get it? (yes, I know that sounds sexist..but be honest do men often say no to "sex" granted some of us don't seek sex)..but I think you understand the very generalized and candid aspect, of what I mean and the gist is clear. Bare boned, women rarely go with out.

what can make the numbers seem more unbalanced: There have always been more males that identify as submissive but in all honesty is you take out those with just kinks (not saying this wrong to just be kinky or sexually adventitious) the numbers drop. Then remove those that are open to more a bottom role (again not wrong to be so) lower numbers again. Take out switches with feet in both camps. Then remove those that have the more common main stream "kinks" such as partialism or podophilia and no other "kinks" the numbers are getting less. Did I take out the married and after a little on the side? or those that just see a Domme woman as "easy" and has no standards (coughs really dudes! WTF!) or those that double dip vanilla and kink because they lack confidence with women and assume "sex" with a Domme will be easier because she will instruct you, what to do (*rolls eyes*) ....Again I'm being very general here to save on writing a thesis all over again and there are exceptions to the rule and really don't mean to generalize (drags out her dragon skin corset before the heat starts)

....What your then left with when you remove all the non fitting (on all sides of the whip, gender and role),your left with those with a pure based, true in actually real sense of the word FETISHISM and more often than not, there are not enough of these type with a partialism ,to match the Dominants that are about with a "true" Fetishism(sorry only the word true fits. I hate it too). I personally know about 30 Dommes looking for a partner with a TRUE fetish that inst just out, to be serviced. They, the Dommes have a fetish and they are the ones that tend use and frequent online sites. They want submissive that wants to be of service, not be serviced. ....this beast we search for is actually more of the unicorn, than the so called "unicorn Domme" (sorry guys. I get you mean well. ) If guys would JUST actually own who and what they are, more needs on both sides of the whip would be met...but thats whole other post.

but I digress, so to cut to the chase of where I was going. Yes we are lower in numbers than our Maldom counterparts but its also well know in science that males actually carry more fetishism response than females do. Little research has been conducted to examine paraphilic sexual interests in nonclinical samples (sad but true). The little that exists suggests that atypical sexual interests are more common in men than in women, but the reasons for this difference are unknown.
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worldoflight​(masochist male)
2 years ago • May 24, 2021
Hello and thank you so much for this question.

I agree with the poster, MissBonnie, above.

Plus, Vegas is a HUGE pro-domme town. There will seem to be fewer lifestyle dommes in Vegas because they are outnumbered more so than they'd are in, say, Poughkeepsie.

I would add only that I think there are even more D women now than five/ten years ago.

It's just the static and confusion of the internet, the flocks of penis photographs, etc.

It's just that sometimes it takes a little time. Finding one NOW is difficult. Finding one LATER is more likely.

A fellow may only need to sit quietly in one place and not say anything too very dumb. Which is how sometimes the unicorn comes to find you instead of the other way around.
Madame Eire​(dom female)
2 years ago • May 24, 2021
Madame Eire​(dom female) • May 24, 2021
No we are not unicorns, women who are genuinely Dominant simply are less vocal online about being Domme/Mistresses, but we do exist.
acquiesced​(sub male)
2 years ago • May 24, 2021
acquiesced​(sub male) • May 24, 2021
Quick apology for my use of 'unicorn.' I intended it to mean 'extremely rare' rather than 'nonexistent'. Thank you all for the public and private details as to why.
Attaboyforu​(sub male)
2 years ago • May 24, 2021
Attaboyforu​(sub male) • May 24, 2021
Thankfully we have the cage, it's such a better place to have conversations and meet people, and develop one's self. I've learned so much about myself and my expectations, essentially I learned to listen better. We bring our own expectations and emotional responses to any type of relationship, to be able to talk this through with someone else and find where you actually have similar thoughts is for me, the best to grow the relationship regardless of the sensual, sexual aspects.
Jashine
2 years ago • May 25, 2021
Jashine • May 25, 2021
They are certainly around, and I am a partner to one. Online, dominant women tend to get a lot of flak and abuse which I think is why many of them steer clear of online. This creates an impression that there are fewer of them than there actually are!