My husband isn't a dom...

CSI • Jul 12, 2021

@gent with dents - there is a difference between wanting to be told what to do to make another happy and being dominant. If a dominant wants to expand and learn about their dominance, they take the bull by the horns (so to speak) and learn how to harness/enhance/bring it out of themselves. They have to want to do it from their very core and for the betterment of themselves. If it is solely to make the other person happy and the other person is telling them how to dominate, it may mean they are dominating at the time of doing the actions, but it does not mean they are necessarily dominant.

Gent with Dents • Jul 12, 2021

@CSI I can accept that, though there is a balance point. If he finds his true nature and that includes domination then they'll both be happier. If he is really uncomfortable doing whatever she needs in order to be fulfilled I guess they'll both be miserable.

DaddyXX • Jul 12, 2021

Exactly! You cannot learn it..fake it..act it..or any other contrived behavior..she (he) will see right thru it..this has been tried more times than imagineable..and "Gent" is right..result=misery for both...'she' is gonna have to take 'him' as he is..for better or for worse..or move on..

I_am_the_Sea​(sub male){One Day} • Jul 12, 2021

Judging by the contempt in her original post they should break up sooner than later.

I hope she finds what she is looking for and he finds someone to appreciate him for himself.

Just my 2 cents
~I_am_the_Sea

cherilynn​(sub female) • Jul 13, 2021

Hey there,
I should start out by saying that I am new to the forums and while I don't relish ruffling feathers, I do tend to be blunt so please keep that in mind.

Concerning your question, it sounds to me like you really are not sure what you want. A question for you to ponder. Was your husband doing what he wanted to do when your sex was very vanilla? Was he doing what he wanted to do when he tied your hands and hit you?
The problem as I see it is you want him to do what he wants to do as long as it is what you want him to do. Submission doesn't work like that.
Also by your wording it sounds as if you want to be forced to submit. I could be wrong but that's the impression I get. Is he comfortable doing that?

I'm thinking the foundation of the relationship you want is what's missing. If he can get into your mind and do a bit of fuckery there, your body will follow but you have to be of a mind set that allows him to do that.

Good luck

poppyclaire​(sub female) • Jul 13, 2021

I've been with someone who wasn't dominant and🥴 Lack of sexual compatibility is real and hard to deal with and work through. There are some subs who can guide their partners on what they need and how to be dominant, I am not such a sub. Maybe finding a group/forum both of you could join would help?

breckgirl​(sub female) • Jul 25, 2021

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I too have a craving for a dominant husband but to be fair to my husband, we entered our marriage so young and have since grown physically apart. We love each other dearly but it is more of a friendship now, after 38 years of marriage. I too asked him if he would consider something different and he refused and said we just needed to work through our intimacy issues without this ‘stuff’. Unfortunately this means we are not intimate but continue to love each other. I let the request drop for the sake of my marriage. I still long to submit to my husband if he would take on that role.

You must also come to your own decision based upon your relationship. I will say that for any relationship to be healthy, you must communicate with your partner and then decide together what path you both take, either together or separately. Hope you find what you are looking for.

joshuac​(dom male) • Jul 25, 2021

That's the thing about us Dom's you have the gene or you don't and no matter how many videos you show or books If he doesn't have the natural instinct to be a Dom that you need or want him to be then perhaps you should sit down and explain to him that if he can't fulfill that desire for you then you may have to go outside of the vanilla relationship for that. I have had a couple of friends with the same problem and that worked for them wish you the best of luck...

mnay women think they can 'make him a dom'..like its sooo ea

DaddyXX • Jul 26, 2021

Sargeant​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2021

I’m new to this site and to this lifestyle. I’m a newbie dom. In my opinion your husband has some fear locked inside. I have no idea of his life experience. But I do know that a man being completely honest with with his partner about his likes and dislikes and fantasies is and probably been conditioned into him it’s wrong. I do know and have seen first hand. There is a beast locked in every man. Men are conditioned to hide from a very early age. I believe it comes done to trust and communication. You could look on Etsy I know they some couples workbooks about Bdsm and beginning to explore the lifestyle. Those might be able to start the discussion for you both. If you explain to him how important it is to be honest. I’m not sure what exactly you are wanting from him. If it’s just in the bedroom explain that to him. If it’s not explain that to him. If you are willing and want to be with this man. You might need to suppress your dominant side for a little bit to help your husband build his confidence and allow him to learn. I know for me as a newbie. A daily conflict doesn’t work. It has lead me to frustration and the constant question of what do you want from me. That daily conflict made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right. If your want the 24/7 tpe. Start with small things like asking him what to wear and when. I’d bet if you think about somethings he has probably hinted as to some ways he would like for you to act or dress etc. Just do them freely. Some him how much you want to be submissive. Build his confidence and guide him. If your a dominant submissive use both sides in balance.