Thoughts on Fetlife

MelMell​(dom female) • Sep 19, 2021

I made an account after so many people here telling me about it and I frankly hated it. That website feels like porn to me and not a true bdsm community. I found Fetlife to be very crass in comparison to TheCage. While I did find a lot of people in my area I wasn’t interested in any of them. I also found the website a lot more difficult to use. I talked to a few people on there and none of them even managed to catch my attention to I have left. I much prefer TheCage and I wish more people would use it. I also love the sense of community I get in here, something I felt was missing in FetLife

I'mME • Sep 19, 2021

Fet is a terrific place to see the local happenings in a particular area. There is a lot of knowledge on FL
it's a matter of what it is you want to know.

Many have blocking fetishes. There are some definite EGOS on there. (ask if reference isn't clear)
There are those who love the spotlight. There are persons who have their minions. This person does a writing (maybe TheCages equivalent of their blog?) and all writings go out public, although I am sure you can block those. Then people just like here, can post thoughts, commentary, etc.
Minions are those folks that follow these people like little puppies wanting a pat on their head.
It doesn't matter what the writing is about.

One late night I stumbled upon a writing by a female 37yo self-deceived slut. Cool, no worries.
As I read further, this writing is actually a grown woman belittling a Dom male that was in a group she was in and her minions are all like backing up the head cheerleader (best example I can think of now, but I hope you get the picture). He wanted to spend time together (I would say asked her out)
and I am not sure how everything transpired, but the question of who had had the shot. She had and he chose not too. He also chose to not pursue going out with her.

All adults making adult decisions. Except this woman was mad as hell that h
he declined to take her out. If it had stopped there, I would have left it. But this writing already had over 100 comments mostly her minions.
I don't even know who the other party. (The Dom who dares to change his mind about going out with someone who has had the shots)
Now, she may not have used his FL moniker but anyone could have tracked down the group bc she names it, and then him.
I call that disrespectful. So her vitrol just keeps spewing and spewing. Sprinkled within were comments about this and that concerning vaccine.
Well, I will not apologize ever for being myself, bc I kind of like myself. I corrected a couple of people, no they did not like it, but I can agree to disagree. Then a minion wanted to chew on me, I tried to go down the line , stick to the facts, nothing personal.
It was of no use. Then we squashed that after I stood up for myself. This was going on for a couple of days and I just kept reading.
Finally, I could not stand it anymore.
I went on there and I laid out exactly verbatim what the OP said and what she said He did. Which is change his mind. I then went on to say what is your problem ? You appear to be very attractive, what he turned you doen,and now he must be skewered like a pice of terriyaki chicken . I said a few other things like she must be bored, can she not respect other people"a personal choices or was that one way, her way ?

Response,
She asks "Do you feel better" that's when I got a little hot.

I said, I feel the same as I did before I wrote what I wrote.
The bigger question is
"do you feel better and have you accomplished what you intended?"

Suprisingly she stayed mum.

So FL had humans on there and as such human behavior will occur.
But there is a listing of classes which I made use of (not as many as I would have liked, started adding up the dollars) offered in zoom.

I have interacted with a few people and we ari conti us to talk. Not relationships, but I spend a lot of time alone and on line, and it's nice when someone takes the time to speak on the phone.

As someone who is liable to be anywhere online at any given moment and I have run into some good learning resources for the lifestyle (bc that is what interests me) and some not so good info.

I take the parts I want and leave the rest, much like I do in real life.

That may sound harsh, but I have seen harsh things and experienced it. And yet I'm still hopeful every day bc a[ my core I'm propelled by my BELIEF. many have tried to destroy it, and I never understood when it was down the road look back time. Now I understand.



Enough 9fbmy babbling. Been strange weekend.

The group

RightOne • Sep 20, 2021

The group is Athletic Kinksters

I'mME • Sep 20, 2021

*community what aff is to the swinging community.....it's a *hit show. It's a place where wanna be kinksters (and some real ones) go to express their narcissism, and promote their onlyfans professional content. 90% of the site is masturbatory material.....call it the Facebook of the kink community where people go to get "likes" and social validation.*




FetLife had plenty of people who are the 'real deal'.(apologies to all, I detest using the word real for anything like this just trying to differentiate from wannabe)...

There are some folks who write some amazing (IMO) stuff on there. I like to go back in the groups look through the discussions going back some years. ..
Monetization is almost inevitable on social platforms, there are always costs to maintaining a platform. I hardly even notice fans only stuff. On that note I thought that platform had axed the sexually driven content.
I do agree that that FL has it's share of a-holes, but so does every platform. Shoot at least online, you can just get off the platform, give them the bird, all manners of ways to tune them out (without blocking). In real life, sometimes I count to ten 30 times in an hour......

Ads

I'mME • Sep 20, 2021

I noticed someone mentioned the ads?


The only ads are over to the right, very unobtrusive, and I like to tap on some of them and look sometimes.

I saw the comment, not sure what ads the post was referring to but it's my opinion that they are not bothersome. Could be that pop up in the middle of tlwhst I am reading.

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acupcake​(sub female) • Sep 20, 2021

I am on Fetlife and I think that Fetlife, and this website, and similar ones are fine. They offer what they offer and you can take it or leave it. I had fun in my 20's in an all girl group from Fetlife. But obviously the people who are on all these websites come from a wide backgound, have different issues, different standards and all that. It's up to us as adults to take what we want from what's offered and ignore what we don't like or don't appreciate. I personally prefer fresh organic veggies but there are lots of people who buy frozen ones. At least everyone has choice

Defender​(dom male) • Sep 20, 2021

I joined Fet a short while ago, principally to find local munches, as UK lockdowns eased.

It is very useful for that.

I've learnt two things from Fet.

1. That I can actually get bored looking at endless pics of spread pussies and buttholes. (Who knew?)

2. That there are more younger females looking for a relationship with an older man, than I'd realised.


Every day is a schoolday........

Lonely Wolfie​(sub male) • Sep 21, 2021

I have had a FetLife Account for ages. I use it for events in the local area and also to follow or friends those people I have met at events or who were recommended for me to follow and get to know. I just recently got on to The Cage site after a recommendation from someone I met through FetLife and haven't experienced much. I have had some nice communication here, but also some pushy and rude experience here as well. But like FetLife and have just decided to move on from them and focus on the positive.

Both platforms have their benefits and downsides. I will still use both and learn from them both

makemeplease​(sub female){Prussian} • Sep 21, 2021

I once told someone on Fetlife that if they wanted to get what they were actually seeking, they should delete their Fet and join the Cage. I believe I used a comparison similar to, "The Cage is like Fetlife but for people with class."

Love me some Cage.

No Body​(dom male) • Sep 21, 2021

Going from here to there is like going from sunlight to a dark room and closing the door but expecting to see. They are two different sites and you have to weed out what you like and what you don't. Taking a bite of an apple and thinking this isn't wasabi. Just because guys are jerks there OH wait they are everywhere. Just take what you want from it and move on