Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

Miki • Jul 19, 2021

A keyword that jumped out at me, and it's only my opinion of course.

"Online".

*****

That's why I don't make connections beyond basic messaging with Online Creatures.

Human relations are simply and vastly different when one interacts via keyboard vs. in person.

My interactions involve (involved, I am idle)-- people I meet and deal with on a daily basis in the Brick and Mortar world.. and if an attraction sparks, we go from there having known one another strictly in person, and for a period of time and assortment of real life situations.

*****

The internet and its various social scenes indeed broaden one's horizons a great deal, offering opportunities not found at one's chosen town-of-residence friendly boutique coffee shop in the town square..

The Net offers the means to cast a wider net.

But the wider the net, the better the chance of catching bottom feeders, sharks, and other unwanted, verminous scum.

.....and if anyone ever tuned into shows like "Dateline NBC".. Online meeting places are feeding grounds for the next Teddy Bundy, et al. A fast road to a shallow grave.

No thanks.

*****

So as to the topic to which I am posting: (I do wander sometimes, sorry) You'll find an abundance of would-be doms who have no idea what this "personal activity" is all about. online.

They take shit like "50 Shades" as gospel and run with it, they think BDSM is only whips and chains (though I love 'em)

S o windy story summed up... You will always run into this sort when looking online, plain and simple. I am not condemning the Digital Dims out there, just noting that with the magic of the internet, everying comes so much easier...

But you know what they say about that: Easy Come Sleazy Go.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2021

Always consider the best possible and most probable outcomes ---
Person does not take the time to get to know YOU before even considering a dynamic = play partner at best
Person gets to know YOU as a person, then begins to form a mutually consented to dynamic and structure = lifepartner / spouse at best

It's not hard to type a good game, happens all the time, and newbie subs get their hearts and hopes smashed upon the rocks about the same time he gets his off. I am not a sub, Lord knows how the little rascals do it anyway (impressive power), but I can tell you that even as a Dom, if I get approached right out of the gate with "Sir" "Master" etc etc, or any portion of a "just add water and mix" insta dynamic, the response will likely be a polite thanks but no thanks.

I know what I want, and what I seek, and for me, I refuse to settle for less.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Jul 19, 2021

Absolutely there is a learning curve to relationships! D/s is no exception, in fact it takes more investment of time and energy to create a thriving dynamic. It took a bit of time for me to develop a filtering for online encounters as well. It seems you are defining what you want - this is golden! There truly are Doms who seek mutual satisfaction. Developing your vetting skills with your self awareness will go a long way in finding someone.

All Doms started somewhere and the same for subs. This lifestyle offers so much in the way of personal growth it is important to remember that those you encounter are learning too. That being said " Hold the line on your standards and needs!" Someone will treasure for having done so.

In the meantime, enjoy the season of life you are experiencing and have a blast !

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jul 20, 2021

Great job in using your gut. Keep up the good work.

To many, this is a cross between the masquerade and a buffet.

This is Internet cosplay and they learn how to stand behind a mask and play a role at your expense. They use buzzwords and intimidation to get their rush. They use CAPS!!!! to sound all-powerful and they push hard to distract you from your gut so that you don't think too hard.

It's the Internet buffet. They pick at this and that and consume it immediately without even tasting it. They are gluttons. Ignorant and indifferent of what consent is, or how one earns it. They know nothing of the lifestyle or the important and amazing aspects of it.

So they chide and bully and pressure newer people to give it all at hello. From the guy with one photo not usually of himself asking you for many more to the guy who greets you by calling you slut, subbie, whore, etc. To the one who wants to isolate you from other info sources. Those types get angry when you say you talk to other s types. they usually say ugly things about others because they are thinking ugly things about you. And in the end, when they fail to convince you, they announce with venom that you are "No Submissive!", which means you are no doormat. So good for you.

If they don't want to know you the person, you the vanilla, day to day adult, or you the thinking, feeling intelligent person, then you can well determine that they don't care about your submission other than the rush they get making a random online person do things (usually to themselves) for their entertainment.

This is a big reason I reject the idea of Male Doms training newbies. They take advantage and in the end they shut off the computer or hang up the phone and go back to their ordinary life leaving you hanging on a string.

They have been around since the beginning and on every website like fruit flies who will always swoop in to your face and annoy you until you roll up the newspaper.

Don't believe what is too good to be true. You may be remarkable but no one can determine that at hello.
You are much more special than that. Never forget it.

H*

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Jul 20, 2021

I’ve had some of the same experience. I’ve tried online and it does nothing for me other than feeling taken advantage of. Men using pictures that aren’t them, being demanding right off the bat etc. I’ve even been messaged by damn pedophile looking for mothers with young daughters.
It’s sad because my curiosity and interest in D/S is turning into fear and revulsion.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jul 20, 2021

Ya know, in vanilla-land I bet you can spot the creepos, wierdos, and poser wanna be's fairly fast! How come? Well, because you know what to look for, and can spot em coming a mile away for the most part. Well, welcome to BDSM, they're here too, but once you learn to spot em, you'll see them coming a mile off too...

But IMHO, giving up on the lifestyle is basically allowing the bad apples to determine your future, your behavior, your sexual private life, and deprive you of what truly could be a fantastic lifelong experience if you find it. Will you find it? Nobody knows the answer to that anymore than anybody knows if you would find it in vanilla-land.

So you have to choose your own destiny, and the same risks are present on both sides, just don't let anybody else decide the path for you

RESPECTFULLY IMHO
~ID~

acupcake​(sub female) • Jul 20, 2021

I think anyone who wants to be friends with anyone else they should (if they have any sense) observe normal socially acceptable protocols. If I approach a Domme, then I need to be respectful and actually fun. And vice versa. I personally think Bdsm and everything it entails is way down on the list when people are wondering if they click.

sarah

oops sorry this is about dominant males lol... sorry sorry...

Sir Don​(dom male) • Jul 20, 2021

In this world of instant gratification and being stuck at home because of the "pandemic ". People have nothing better to do with their time. So they hop onto the internet take a bdsm test and wow I am a Dom. No one wants to put in the effort of learning the values and responsibilities of what a real Dominant is. The same goes to the submissives as well.
They call themselves a master but it doesn't make it so.
I know how electricity works but I didn't go the proper courses to become master electrician
How can one call themselves a master without going through the proper courses here ? Learning proper protocol and proper editeque would make a better understanding of this lifestyle. It takes effort and dedication to which most find to difficult to do.

Shadow Girl​(sub female) • Jul 21, 2021

Had a Dom just yesterday want to become my "Master" after maybe 30 minutes of chatting, then got all upset when I said I need more time than that. He tried to tell me I'd love it and what harm could it do to just try. Ummm a lot actually if it's not done well. Pretty sure he ended up blocking me or just disappeared, either way I'm ok with it

OwnedByTheOcean​(masochist female) • Jul 21, 2021

It’s definitely shark infested waters. Over the course of my journey I have found my voice. Being a masochist lends itself to doms (lower case intended) wanting to check beating a masochist off their list and tasting the forbidden fruit. I have had to learn myself and gain the confidence in who and what I am, more importantly I have to know my own worth. Being very clear in the dynamic that is desired on both ends is imperative and I have zero control over someone else’s vision of what they want. I do, however, have a responsibility to myself and any potential partner to be very sure of mine. That will weed out a lot of “players” but that is the goal.... good luck and don’t forget your worth.