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Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

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Lacie​(sub female){Not lookin}
2 months ago • 07/21/2021 5:24 pm
Lacie​(sub female){Not lookin} • 07/21/2021 5:24 pm
I feel like people want instant everything anymore. The ones who want instant submission with out earning it seem to be the ones who will say fuck your at the drop of a hat and be gone. You don’t need or want that anyway be thankful it gives you a way to see right through them.
joshuac​(dom male)
2 months ago • 07/21/2021 6:04 pm
joshuac​(dom male) • 07/21/2021 6:04 pm
Too many times I have found that some if not most are not into this lifestyle for the long haul... Sadly some see this as a quick booty call or what not or an avenue for them to work out their dreams. The relationship between a Dom and sub is first and formost supposed to be a relationship of Trust, respect, and love, It is supposed to be a bond, and people seem to have forgotten that. Its sad it really is its those bad wanna bees that give us good ones a bad name...
Taramafor​(sub male)
2 months ago • 08/01/2021 7:45 am

Re: Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

Taramafor​(sub male) • 08/01/2021 7:45 am
SubLoveCle wrote:
I've begun meeting Dom's online and i find over and over, they want alot but offer very little in return. Often they rarely seem interested in taking the time to earn my submission and trust. It's quite annoying. Happily, I'm becoming aware of this trait and learning to avoid it. Dom's can be demanding, which I like in some ways. But very few seem to get that it's a two way thing. Another thing I'm finding is Dom's frequently want u to be their fantasy, but not so interested in learning about who u actually are. To the other subs out there, don't give up your power so easily. Without true respect and trust, it isn't worth it, for me atleast. I'd love to read about other subs experiences with this.


You use the word "earn". This is like how people can talk about relaitonships in general. Making people "earn" things instead of making each other happy.

Some people like the resistence. Some people perfer obedience. And some people like the middle ground. I'm a sub but can dom. I can dom but can sub. The reason for this is because I make it a point to please and provide assurance. In turn someone that might first be reluctant to engage with me, engages with me. The proof and trust comes from awareness and incentive.

Making people "earn" or "work" for something tends to be an off putter. That's often because of turst issues and projecting past fears onto present company. It's best to assume nothing and see if people heasite/stall with you. If they do then that's where awareness factors in. Make what you want clear (while seeing to what they want if possible).

That's not to say trust blindly. But it means don't mistrust blindly either. You have to earn the doms trust as well. Along with giving them a reason to engage with you.

As for getting to know people, I have to know what makes people tick. And without honesty there is no trust. So I won't engage with those that deal with lies and secrets. Never ends well. Honest pain can be another matter. With reason and purpose. Which in turn circles back to awareness and honesty. Which can build trust. Anything beyond that would be getting into the S/M details which get hella technical.

A lot of people want to "escape" or "just have fun". But these people often turn a blind eye to reality. I enjoy waking people up. Can't escape how you affect each other, both for better and for worse. It's not BDSM specfic. It can be an issue in general.
Master Ebony​(dom male)
2 months ago • 08/01/2021 11:20 am

Re: Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

Master Ebony​(dom male) • 08/01/2021 11:20 am
Could not have put it better. It's no different from dating in a Vanilla relationship...in fact its is totally different. BDSM relation has more complex layers as you said safety trust it has to be earned and alot more given. Those Doms wont last too long or they will inflict longer lasting damage to whatever Sub unfortunaley fall into the Doms path.


SubLoveCle wrote:
I've begun meeting Dom's online and i find over and over, they want alot but offer very little in return. Often they rarely seem interested in taking the time to earn my submission and trust. It's quite annoying. Happily, I'm becoming aware of this trait and learning to avoid it. Dom's can be demanding, which I like in some ways. But very few seem to get that it's a two way thing. Another thing I'm finding is Dom's frequently want u to be their fantasy, but not so interested in learning about who u actually are. To the other subs out there, don't give up your power so easily. Without true respect and trust, it isn't worth it, for me atleast. I'd love to read about other subs experiences with this.
I'mME
2 months ago • 08/02/2021 4:45 am
I'mME • 08/02/2021 4:45 am
Defender wrote:
It is possibly of no compensation to the OP, but subs' behaviour can be equally bad.

It's just that Doms tend to keep it to themselves, rather than post their complaints on here about the behaviour they have experienced .

This leads me to believe that "it comes with the territory".


And we'll just have to get used to it.....




I will not be getting used to it. I am honest and forthright. I have always been this way. It's my experience people say they want truth and transparency, but they don't really when I give it. In all my years I have encountered five people that were like me.
Little Luna Baby​(sub female)
2 months ago • 08/02/2021 10:57 am
Little Luna Baby​(sub female) • 08/02/2021 10:57 am
I am also finding this, Dom’s wanting to own me within an hour of talking.

I’m very very new here and learning fast, I’m finding that I need that bond to form, to be able to trust, and to have a Dom open up a bit, obviously I’m patient as I know some Dom’s are caged/guarded but at what point will they open up? When is enough, enough of ‘loose’ conversation?
I feel like I can not be my best as sub with out knowing them as them just a little, to have the flow of conversation.
Obviously every sub and Dom is different so I’m just saying how I feel about it and my personal experience and understanding.

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lifedomhere​(dom male)
2 months ago • 08/03/2021 1:34 am

Re: Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

lifedomhere​(dom male) • 08/03/2021 1:34 am
Very well said.

"You use the word "earn". This is like how people can talk about relaitonships in general. Making people "earn" things instead of making each other happy."