Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

Re: Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

Yvol Morningstar • Aug 15, 2021

BDSM is an umbrella term for a relationship or activity involving various erotic practices, including bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.
There are often many stigmas and misconceptions associated with BDSM practices and relationships, especially around dominant and submissive roles.
The concept of equality regarding a BDSM relationship with a dominant and submissive role is where some individuals may feel confused.
However, a healthy BDSM relationship should have an equal and consensual power exchange between the dominant and submissive. The submissive partner in the relationship should consensually and willingly agree to submit to the dominant partner. The submissive can, at any time, take away the authority and control of the dominant, therefore allowing them to have power and control over the situation or relationship. The submissive should never feel belittled, uncomfortable, or unsafe at any time in their relationship. They submit to the dominant by choice, which benefits and provides pleasure to both partners, ultimately making the power exchange in the relationship equal.

JustGreenie{Lona Alofa} • Aug 14, 2021

I have experienced the very same thing, they want to immediately claim you, rush you and expect you to trust and submit to them ASAP. This is where I tell them to hold up and push the brakes. I have just met you less than 48 hours and you expect me to trust you? Oh no honey. I even had one “Dom” and I use that term loosely with him tell me that my request, which was just a picture of whom I was talking to, would be granted in time as we continue to build something together. Yet I was expected to send pics daily. Not happening.

I find it a joke on how these so called Masters, Doms and Sirs come onto the scene, demand for respect and trust but fail to reciprocate said actions to their potential partner. I have come to learn the many red flags and signs of a fake, abuser and wanna be 50 shades beginner. I have no problems walking away from a joke.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2021

Wow.
I have been off and on sites like this one for many years but very seldom to meet people. For me, this is certainly and by far not the ideal way to meet a partner.

It saddens me that so many people, both of the D and s types have had such terrible experiences.

All I can really say is when a person, either online or in real life tells you who they are, believe them.

Thank you

Naughtysubgirly​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2021

I am very new to this and already found similar experiences myself.

I am happy to submit but trust and safety is paramount.

Especially discretion as i am married, yet so many doms expect me to provide my full name or add them to Facebook which o refuse.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Aug 9, 2021

One thing I learned from my journey is that; If you see RED FLAGS, it's not the freaking carnival. RUN.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Aug 8, 2021

Wow, sometimes I forget what these platforms are like.
I am very particular, especially these days, about who gets to enter my realm, online and in everyday life. I can be quite reserved in what I present to others. So, naturally online, I use my profile, my blog, my comments to 'vet' anyone who is going to piss me off. I am very particular about who I converse with and don't bother with anyone who I don't find interesting. If I do find someone interesting, I get to know them through their words. I am great at analysis, so I know the language and sentiment I am looking for. I am definitely not "lazy" and I don't answer messages if they just say "hi" or start with the conventional shit. I think searching, investigating and getting to know others rather than putting up a 'looking for...' ad is going to be more successful for finding a good fit. Patience and timing is important too I think - sit back, chat, and enjoy just being here without the hunt. Desperation breeds predatory behaviour, and not the good kind .
Happy to chat with any subs struggling with being harassed - don't endure.

WAY worse for M subs

ColeK​(sub male) • Aug 8, 2021

90% of all female doms I need online ask for $150 tributes from the start just for the right to be their sub without even knowing completely how well you mesh. I'm not paying that it's ridiculous

beachflyer • Aug 5, 2021

Hi all
Being a Dom , i have found through the years that subs who want Doms are in fact lazy, they might write a good profile because they have had time to think about it but then having made contact cannot be bothered to keep in contact ,
We as Doms sometimes just put up with this online (i don't ) because it's the new norm and we don't want our fellow Doms to know that we have failed to keep the sub on track ... maybe we should list those who can't be bothered to keep in contact so that other Doms can avoid , the point is like it or not Doms put up with this crap and a whole lot more ! sometimes it is work and sometimes it's problems with their family life but often it's just they felt tired , they have had a bad day,
We have bad days at work and problems with family life but we still put the work in for them , they just can't be bothered and they talk of trust and respect where is the respect if they don't respond to messages where is the trust when they don't even care if you know they are telling fibs
in an ideal world we as Doms would not be at their bec and call , their crutch when their great great uncle hover has died and they don't want to pay full price for a new one .....ok ... you get the idea

beachflyer • Aug 5, 2021

Oh i know you have just chatted to a wanna be ,there are a good few of them here but they soon get found out and leave, i have a habit of leading them on winding them up to bursting point and then bursting their bubble it's so much fun lol.
You get women and men who have the same fantasy of a slave who will bend over the second they make contact , they all seem to think we are all just waiting for them and we are gagging for it...oh i'm a Dom by the way 40yrs plus of training subs and i still get those who think we are all misfits or those who are writing a paper on sexual experance for the uni's newspaper
So don't be surprised when they start making demands they are just building themself's up to have an online orgasm you are just there to feed them ....and then you burst their bubble.... the fun part is picking the right moment ... so have some fun with them ,, it;s what they don't expect... inteligent free thinking people who want to live life to it's fullest

acupcake​(sub female) • Aug 4, 2021

Please forgive me barging in but I think when two people start chatting, they are just getting to know each other. It's like you've just met. For someone to start making demands right at the start is rather unattractive, socially inappropriate and certainly self serving. If it was me, I'd pass on them