Calling all masochists…

SageFlame​(sub female) • Aug 15, 2021

I have been contemplating an answer. What keeps circling around is labels/boxes. They are like scales that should be shed. I only identify as me, myself. Core values are the only constant. But I do have answers to your questions.

I like Pain?

In my 20's I found I liked being spanked. Never found a partner to explore farther. That intense, sizzling sting never left my psyche. I longed for it but didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. After discovering D/s and ( finally) exploring I found intense enjoyment from pain IF it brought pleasure to my partner. When I say intense, I mean it was still there the next day upon waking and longer sometimes. I will try methods that I never dreamed I would and some even on my no-no list. Self infliction didn't have the same affect - it wasn't fun or nearly as pleasurable.

So what are you into?

When someone asks me what I like or my limits I *briefly* tell them my experience. I also let them know I have a detailed checklist of what I have tried, not tried, liked, not liked etc. Answering specific questions would depend on with whom I am speaking. I'm all for sharing if I think it will be of benefit but overall am a private person. I have to work hard at being vulnerable. Even my checklist has only been seen by two people.

Masochist!

Masochist came up as a result on a BDSM test. But to me masochism is an activity not way of identifying myself. Kinda-like - I sew but am not a seamstress. Like most others I change as time goes on. The more I explore the more I learn. I will say this though, aside from spanking, exploration of pain is driven by a core desire for intimacy. It isn't pain for pain's sake. That is the current status.

I am more of a sensualist and have had more exploration to that end in what is referred to as vanilla-ish practices. The pain exploration is an exciting addition! I wonder how I would answer your questions in 5 years or so.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 28, 2021

Think about it for a moment. Was it JUST the pain or was it because they were giving you attention?

When sadists and masochists speak of pain they can overlook the "attention" part. eg: They focus only on pain without context.

I'm also thinking about people that self harm. Clearly that's most often unhealthy. So if I was in a situation with someone that wanted to be hurt I might go "You want to hurt? Fine. Let's make a game out of it." Something like slapping them across the face when there's a reason for it for example. This way every time they're hit they know why. Unlike self harm with a knife where people fall into the trap of not even knowing the reasons for each cut and so end up in a pit of despair. What starts with "slapping for mistakes" can turn into "This is fun now. I like improving and learning. Slap me harder!"

PreciousPrey​(sub female) • Aug 28, 2021

My mind is in a constant state of 'loud.' I fall in the M category because it takes pain to quiet my mind to feel the pleasure.
My struggles were multiple abusive relationships due to my ignorance of consent and what consent entails....
And often I don't explain it unless the conversation leads there. In which case, I simply leave it to the bare minimum and let their imaginations take them wherever they want to. With my partner... I don't really have an answer for that other than just being honest that I need a rougher form of play....... I have yet to figure out a good way to vocalize my CNC fetish.

Avanova​(sub female){owned} • Sep 2, 2021

I know I'm a masochist because I enjoy pain. I'm going to say mild pain because I don't think I have ever experienced really severe pain for very long and I have never experienced chronic pain. I like being spanked and I like being subjected to being forced to wear nipple clamps or clothespins for much longer than I want to in addition to other painful activities. I don't think tattoos are painful. When I went camping at the beach, recently, I got beaten up by the elements but kind of enjoyed being scraped and banged up and enjoyed powering through back and hip pain to body surf, carry stuff, and walk through loose sand. I enjoyed it and didn't enjoy it at the same time. A few weeks ago I got stung by a bee and felt blessed relief from the pain because I was no longer stressing out about stuff, I could just focus on the pain of the bee sting. Pain is a relief for me and pain is stimulating for me. It wakes me up and makes me feel alive. It doesn't necessarily feel good, though. Sometimes it does. I think some aspects of my life have been difficult and I have had to learn to power through those things, so masochism for me is an exercise in powering through to reap a reward, like working out: it doesn't always feel good but there is a reward, whether it be dopamine, anxiety relief, getting a job done, cuddling with my Daddy, et al.

Who is a masochist?

livetogiv • Sep 9, 2021

I asked my lover/ Dom if I was a masochist and he answered, “ Totally. “. I know I am sexually aroused and orgasm during pain. I know I love being in subspace. I also know I have a high pain tolerance. I’m able to let go of the physical and go into mental space. I guess that makes me a masochist.

The First Time

Slvls​(sub female) • Sep 10, 2021

My old master was one who love doing things in public, exhibitionism, Publix sex, voyeurism, and about everything you can imagine.

He passed away about 3 years ago and it took me another year to be able to venture out once again.

You see we never did anything that many would consider normal like bondage or torement of the body or even anal sex. All of these things are still foreign to me in many ways.

So I started experimenting on my own. Nipple clamps really how hard can it be. I bought those ones with the heavy chain and have the clamps that adjust down and the teeth are covered by a rubber piece .

I took them out of the package excitedly took off my blouse and then I took the rubber parts off the teeth. I mean I don't really know anything about these things quite new to me . I put the first one on and fuck did that hurt . I quickly adjusted it all the way down. Then the second one adjusted it down before I even put it on.

I wore them for as long as I could handle it that first day. Then the next day I did it again and this continued for a few weeks until I could actually adjust the teeth a little bit tighter.

As time went on within about 3 months I was able to get them fairly tight teeth digging into my nipples and I went to work like that a few times.

One day while masturbating and having the pain in my teeth I was pulling so hard I wasn't paying attention. After having a major climax I looked down and there was blood I really scared myself after that and I went cold turkey on it as well because I didn't want to mess up what a master might enjoy later on

So that is my first time experience with nipple clamps. I look back at it now and think to myself what a dweeb. Lol

Re: Who is a masochist?

Slvls​(sub female) • Sep 10, 2021

See that is something i am totally foreign on , subspace

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 10, 2021

I find subspace to be poor wording TBH.

Try to think of it this way. "Being in the zone". But what if that zone... Sticks?

Most people seek instinct gratification. I get the stick.

Perhaps a good analogy is playing a comptuer game on a hard difficulty setting and doing very very well beating all the odds and feeling really accomplished. Thing is once you done it, you done it. It's always going to be the same game. The same bosses. When you play with another person you're BOTH doing that. And sometimes a computer game is more laid back and easy going. Which can be like the eye in the storm in a game of violence and fighting.

The trick to keeping that "zone" going is to keep switching between events with variation. Firm. Gentle. Firm. Fentle. My needs. Your needs. Back. Forth. Get into the right pattern of it.

And those that don't try to do that? They'll be the ones that wallow in despair and self deafeitsm.

People don't even realise they abuse themselves. Because of their escapism. Which is destructive. That's beyond pain. That's suffering without reason and purpose. It's the most empty kind of existence you can have. That would be the reverse (mirror) of subspace. This would be "Subloathing". Or perhaps dom even.

The trick to getting people out of ruts like that? Focus on what can be done and make the best of the situation you're in. State the stiation for what it is. Make the best of it. Simple really. Even a loathing situation can turn into a "zone" event. Sometimes that's how it goes. Then it's like knowing why you hurt each other suddenly has meaning. Be it emotional or physical.

feralkyttin • Sep 29, 2021

I identify as a masochist because I was born wired up a bit differently than most people seem to be. I enjoyed pain presumably before I developed a memory. I recall being in preschool, hiding under some hedges with a boy and asking him to scratch my forearms with his nails. I loved the adrenaline rush. The heat of the initial injury. The cool rush of my body healing itself. I adored seeing the marks.... Pressing them against my lips. Licking them for a hint of blood and heat. I wasn't just aroused by pain. I needed it. I thrived on it. It was my drug. By kindergarten, I'd found that indian burns were quite nice and one could dictate just how far and tight the pain would go if you only communicated with the one who was giving you your fix. This is how I learned to top from the bottom before first grade. That's about the time a little game of tag was the way to go... It could always end with a nice wrestling match. The primal need to overpower someone coursing through my little body. The frustration of defeat. Sometimes. Sometimes.... The intoxication of having subdued my plaything. I remember meeting my first dominant who was well read in the scene. He asked my if I was a slave, submissive, switch, Domme, Mistress, what? I didn't realize there were only so many choices and I deemed myself an assertive masochist. Turns out, there are rules, though. Certain protocols a girl is expected to adhere to. What a damn inconvenience. Oh... but it turns out I enjoyed a different kind of pain.... The discomfort of humiliation. Oh how I hated the Sirs and Restrictions and Expectations. If I didn't find myself horrified by my inability to comply, I'd be finding myself blushing at my will to try.


One more tidbit. I knew I was a real masochist when I was 14.. My boyfriend had seen fit to spank me as a punishment. There was to be nothing fun or pleasurable about this. And it hurt. So badly. The belt seared into my skin, leaving lines and bruises and he told me the whole while, voice heavy with restrained tears, how I'd hurt him and disapointed him. It was bad. I cried. I cried and despised myself. And I took it. I needed to be absolved. I wanted to pay. With my flesh. And I did.

But when he finished and let me sit up

He checked between my legs.

I was a mess. I told him as he reached for it, that I was not turned on

Oh, but I was. And he denied me. That son of a bitch

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Sep 29, 2021

This something I’ve been looking into too. I guess I’m a little bit of a masochist because I do enjoy some light pain.

What do you all think of being trained to be a masochist? I ask this because the Dom I’ve been talking to has said he would like to do masochist training sessions with me if we wind up together.
Here’s a link if you don’t know what I’m talking about.
https://thekinkfactory.com/blogs/lifestyle-articles/123449667-creating-a-sexual-masochist