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Aftercare While Long Distance

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SoftDomT​(switch female){Owner of J}
2 weeks ago • 10/01/2021 3:56 pm

Aftercare While Long Distance

Hi everyone,

So I'm trying to find out more information about different styles of domming and aftercare. Im really new to being a dom so researching is just information overflow with all the new things.

My main concern right now is aftercare for my sub. Since we live far from each other, I'm struggling with ways to make sure he's taken care of. We do some things that are a bit strenuous on him, but I don't know how to make sure he doesn't hurt himself or feel neglected.

Anyone else have any experience with aftercare while long distance with some tips for me?
ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female)
2 weeks ago • 10/01/2021 4:16 pm
ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • 10/01/2021 4:16 pm
It can be just talking about what you both liked or just pillow talk. If he likes baths, you could have him take a bath and make him a playlist to listen to. Have him put refreshments close to him before you start so that he has treats waiting for him.
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MrVesper​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 10/01/2021 7:32 pm
MrVesper​(dom male) • 10/01/2021 7:32 pm
If you're on cam or through voice, allow yourself enough time to talk after the session/scene. many times its enough to just be there vs talking.
Show you're appreciation and be flexible during the session and after. Its hard when you're remote on both of you.
Email, text, show that you are present and dont allow distance to be the obstacle.
The worst part with distance is lack of touch. sound obvious? overcompensate with words and actions.
Do not allow them to feel isolated. If your in far different time zones, try and leave them something for when they wake or coming home from work.
Dont make it all about domination when your sharing time with each other.
Even though You are topping, distance can put a tremendous amount of pressure on you as well. its just as easy for you to top drop as it is for him to sub drop. with this in mind, its important there is a balance. Its easy for simple misunderstandings to blow up into something completely unexpected.

With distance as in life, aftercare is full-time. Care and mindfulness should permeate the entire relationship, not just shown after discipline or intense training.
Jareth​(dom male){taken}
2 weeks ago • 10/01/2021 9:24 pm
Jareth​(dom male){taken} • 10/01/2021 9:24 pm
Let him know clearly that you are pleased. That you are happy. All too often we forget during aftercare that our submissive just did what we demanded to please us. We say that we are proud or tell them what a good submissive they are and those are important things to say, but remember that his goal, his happiness, rests with knowing he has served you well. Do not forget to let him have his joy in your pleasure.

As for him physically hurting himself, research whatever activity you have him doing and the possible dangers. Make sure he is prepared beforehand to take care of himself in whatever way is necessary and stay with him while he does.
TheChimera​(sub female)
2 weeks ago • 10/01/2021 9:47 pm
TheChimera​(sub female) • 10/01/2021 9:47 pm
As someone who's dated and done things long distance, a few things that helped me with aftercare is:

Make sure your sub has something that soothes them, be it a favorite blanket to wrap up in, a stuffie, comfort food, worry stone, something.

Praise, Praise, Praise - Tell them how proud and happy with them you are.

I always advocate doing something together. Watching a movie, TV show,etc (there's lots of apps you can share and watch movies together at the same time)
Or even playing a video game together.

Hope this helps!
littleMagpie​(sub female)
2 weeks ago • 10/02/2021 11:54 am
littleMagpie​(sub female) • 10/02/2021 11:54 am
We always used to do shower time after play, he’d make sure I was past the shakey bit and all snuggled in bed and we’d video call while he goes for a shower, and he’d tell me all the mushy things lol.
Worked because I’m not massively talky after and it gave us that kinda intimate connection without needing to talk or do anything major.
Consistently checking in after that.
Making sure I knew I could call him if I needed or wanted him when we were ending our call.
Leaving messages for when I wake up.
EagerToPleaseYou​(sub female){Collared}
1 week ago • 10/03/2021 3:56 am
I appreciate a Dom who takes time to make sure I'm ok and not rush to end the call. Just talking, asking the sub if they're ok, reminding them to take it easy and drink water. Just showing that you care is so important.