Reading a blog this morning, something occurred to me…

Reading a blog this morning, something occurred to me…

Bunnie • Sep 22, 2021

Often we hear people tell submissive’s to reach out to submissive’s in the community/the previous partners/submissive’s of a potential Dominant, as part of the vetting process, to get a general gauge of them as a Person.

How often have you seen this encouraged of Dominants to do the same for a potential submissive?

I have had Dominants reach out to me to ask about submissive’s they’re vetting, however, I’m curious as to how common it is for Dominants to reach out to other Dominants in the community/the submissive’s previous Dominant, to vet them.

As a Dominant, do you/have you ever considered to/do this?
Submissive’s, have you ever had a Dominant do this with you?

Thoughts or opinions?

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 22, 2021

We all should have to have friends on our side of the slash. That is pretty normal and healthy. I also reach out to new ones if I read their posts or blogs and they are interesting. No, I don't have any problem... and yes, I ask about a submissive if there is a possibility that I could trust them.
There is one important point for me. I would never spread any gossip. I hate that, and for your point, I'd ask only a few.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2021

It doesn't work either way. No one with a brain is going to give you the name of someone they screwed over and you have no proof that the person offering a reference is really that person. Some have fake accounts for that very purpose and the person you are asking is actually the person you are trying to vet.

One guy I knew asked me to give a reference on him. So the sub asked some serious questions and I answered honestly.

Boy was he pissed. LOL

He was promising her a bunch of shit that was all lies. All I could say to her was that I never saw any of that actually happen in his life, and it never had.

He wasn't looking for a wife as he said because he already had one hidden somewhere. But I didn't know that at the time LOL, Our friendship ended shortly thereafter. (my idea)
............
I made a big mistake in the early years vetting a guy I was talking to. I asked this very well-known and respected couple who knew him. They had nice things to say. This guy ignored my safeword 3 times and turned out to be a total sadistic shit. In retrospect, they'd never seen him play and never played with him. They only knew him socially where he was on good behavior.

Miki • Sep 22, 2021

Asking the exes is a risky proposition.

You would get their assessment of the behavior of and their experience with the D or s one is "vetting", but keep in mind, except in the rare occurrences of "amicable separation" you are going to get a subjective opinion, and let's face it few exes are going to say "I dumped (Jack Ass or Cathy Cocktease) because they're great human beings and I enjoyed every moment with them."

Best to ask friends of the prospective dynamic-partner if you really want to dig that deep.

Remember, as human beings, we all have quirks and foibles which may piss off one person but another might find endearing, within reason of course.

The overall best thing is to take it slow, spend time in reality with someone you're considering and go with the vibes.

Your gut is your best advisor.

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 22, 2021

When vetting a possible new partner I've always asked for said info for this exact reason, but it takes more than having the right questions to see the truth