Question for the D types

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Oct 4, 2021

The questions are for the first side of the slash, but since I've already commented on every forum here, I hope it's okay if I share my thoughts.

I don't message everyone, but when I see a Dominant who has this explicit aura and somehow resonates with my kinks, there's no reason for me to hold back. I will introduce myself POLITELY, with a respectful demeanor, because I believe that first impressions last.

Dominants are still human beings. They still want to be desired in some way. Also, during this pandemic, if you have feelings for someone, express them.

If they are still not asking for a "date," move forward. They most likely do not want a "date." They would rather have "playtime." Try to conduct a more thorough vetting to determine the cause of the delay in this type of matter. (Are they married? Committed? Just a little fling? Simply bored?). Time is precious, and you should not waste it on someone who does not deserve it.

LordofPain56 • Oct 4, 2021

Hmmm. I don't think I would care if she asked first. The few encounters I've had have been accidental, none have ever been due to a dating profile.
There have been a few occasions in which either I, or she made first contact by private message in a dating site, which led to her wanting to know more.
Being the ever well-organized type I am, I would send a couple of messages (probably through e-mail) containing every detail she would want to know. It's nearly a short novel.
Either they never bothered to read everything, or they started to read and found one thing they didn't like and abandoned the idea of starting a relationship.
I like to get EVERYTHING out in the open, up front, so there are no surprizes later on after a relationship had ensued.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2021

Thanks for more responses! I love reading everyone’s thoughts and opinions. You’ve encouraged me to ask him this morning when he thinks he would have time to meet for coffee or a quick drink. We’ll see how he responds.

To give a little more info, this is a Dom who says he’s looking for relationship as am I. The last time I had an issue was with spotty communication. He reacted kind of badly when I brought it up but then he got 100% better about communication and I haven’t had to mention it again.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2021

Well he responded pretty positively. No actual date set yet but he’s making it a priority.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Oct 4, 2021

While I am not opposed to an s type making the first move, I do think it is more proper that, as the D type, that initiative is my responsibility.

That being said; I find that I have less and less patience for playing ‘hard to get’. If we get to a point where I ask you to meet, and you say no without being able to provide a viable reason, I will simply move on. A large part of my style of Dominance lies in my sound judgement and overall fairness to all involved.
I ask a lot of direct questions when getting to know someone (which seems to be unappealing, for whatever reason), and the longer we talk, the more direct they become in terms of what everyone is looking for. I have had a number of s types stop talking to me because they seem to think that it should not be about what they want, but wholly about what the D type wants (in my experience, this never pans out for more than a couple of rough sessions).

In short, I believe the D type should make that formal move, but that does not mean that all responsibility for the act is taken from the s type. Both parties play an active role in the build up.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Oct 11, 2021

I think is important to distinguish between two people who are still chatting and spending time getting to know each other (who also happen to be D/s) and a Dom and sub who consider themselves to be in a current, established dynamic. It fundamentally changes the nature of your question because, depending on how you view the relationship the question is either:

1. How would he as a man who has been chatting with this great lady feel about this great lady asking him for a date?
OR
2. How would he as a Dom feel about you as a sub asking him for a date?

It is an important distinction if only because in the first scenario there is no assumption of propriety or protocol, whereas in the second there COULD be, depending on the understanding of the dynamic.

With regard to your question referring to what would turn a D-type on or off -
In a non-BDSM setting, I can think of absolutely NO reason why either person shouldn't be the one to ask for the date. The times when a woman has asked me I was always flattered by her interest; on occasion I even thought it was kinda hot!
I've read your profile and things you've written, and you are a strong woman who already has some idea of what she does and doesn't want. So I say go for it.
Of course, many Doms would find it to be insubordinate, perhaps even emasculating, if their subs spoke first. However, I would be very proud of my sub for being confident enough to ask - as long as she observed those established protocols. So again I say go for it.

Lastly, I encourage you not to mistake a seeming absence of assertiveness on the part of the Dom for lack of confidence. One does not necessarily indicate the other.
For example, sometimes one of the ways I enjoy asserting my Dominance is by making my sub wait and wonder when, how, and IF I'll do... something, and what it will be. A little psychological torture. That is a turn on.
But I wouldn't intentionally or purposefully do that in the first scenario I described.

Banemus​(dom male) • Oct 11, 2021

I have been asked out by quite a bit of women.

Ranging from actually asking Me out on a date, to throwing their phone numbers at Me and screeching I need to call them or rubbing their breasts in My neck while sitting in a bar.

I said No, every time. For multiple reasons but the main one is that it really turns Me off. I am a Dom. I will decide if I want to date you. So if I'm interested, I will ask you. If I'm not, leave Me alone or I consider you just a friend.

The only thing a sub may do, is present herself to Me. This needs to be done in an elegant or a bratty way.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 11, 2021

Figured I’d update. Today is a week since I asked him again about getting a coffee or drink and he never brought it up again.
So yesterday I told him I wanted to slow down until we were actually dating in person for a while. Let’s just say it didn’t go well and that situation is over. It went about how I thought it would really.

InfantryDoc • Oct 11, 2021

If a connection is truly to be made, he would be much more responsive. I have no issue with a submissive approaching me first. I believe that things happen for a reason.

No Body​(dom male) • Oct 12, 2021

I personally think dates are great and you should ask them out. If they won't ask you take the lead. You can't wait for a Dom to make up his mind (we barely can change the bed sheets with out a manual). I once asked a sub on a first date told her to pick a spot with lots of pep[le and at a time she would be good with. After 4times getting a place time and then after 4 "oh I can't do it" I dropped her. 2 months later when taking a new sub to a greet and meet she was with a new Dom and tols my sub she wanted me back. I till laugh about that when I think about it.

I find it flattering that someone would ask me out. Even when it does not work out I still have met a friend and keep in touch. Life is to short to wait and see. We must take what we can and run with it for the most part. There are times when it is better to just take a hand a do a slow walk and listen to what the other has to say even when it nothing more than their breathing.