Break ups.. how do you deal with it?

Break ups.. how do you deal with it?

RogueWolf​(dom male){Gaiawolf} • Oct 13, 2021

Daddy's how you do deal with the loss of your little? How do you move and still be a Daddy?

Littles can answer too, it's more a how do you get over someone who was your little?

Miki • Oct 18, 2021

Neither a dominant (definitely not a "daddy" nor a "little") but as none have replied to this thread yet I'll chime in with my two cents on breakups in general. Not Fun... For either one (the rhyme is unintended)

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One gets over these with a generous dose of "time-elapsed". Also avoid things you used to do together, places you both went to as a couple but you wouldn't necessarily go to on your own... and try and keep busy.

As the cliche goes, "An Idle Mind is the Devil's Workshop"-- and that isn't to say you're more apt to go out and do stupid shit like crime or drugs, rather, with nothing to occupy your mind, you're going to slide down the proverbial toilet bowl of depressing thoughts about what once was.

And most important of all: Avoid "rebounding"-- Newly broken up people are eager to do something to fill that hurtful void faster than the passage of time and the attendant benefit of a longer-view perspective. All too often one makes a snap decision and ends up starting a relationship more toxic than going through the process that occurs after breaking up with someone.

That could be because the new partner is just "not for you" (or vice versa) yet you pursue it anyway to get past the loneliness and you end up in a worse space when it becomes apparent that the new thing just won't work.

Or one can find oneself getting involved with either a head-case who is all sweet and nice until you cross them-- (and you wind up wanting to sleep with one eye open) Or they could end up being just an overall sack of shit who successfully hides their crappy nature long enough to get their hooks into you.

With any breakup there's pain and if you lost a "little", or anyone else recently, I'm sorry about that--- But again, keeping yourself busy and just letting time go by, you'll come out OK in the end.... And, depending on what caused the breakup to begin with aside from simple boredom or the inability of the other half to stay in one place, with one partner too long... You'll come out the wiser for it.

Good luck, find a reason to smile and surround yourself with friends.

RogueWolf​(dom male){Gaiawolf} • Oct 18, 2021

@Miki. Thank you. Good advice. These things I know but have trouble applying it. Those who can't do teach? lol

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2021

For me the key to getting over the first stretch of sadness and loneliness is to keep busy with beneficial hobbies. Learn something new. Exercise. Get out with friends or even by yourself when you feel up to it. Get to some home improvements you’ve been putting off. I just try to keep my mind off of it and make it so I’m too tired to think at night too.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Oct 31, 2021

The loss of any slashmate is always difficult, but losing a little is... difficult.
I can't explain why it would be generally, it just is.
To answer your question, for me hobbies and friends and netflix and sleep are all fine but sometimes I just need to be someone's hero. That's about the best way I can put it.
On a few occasions I have asked a former little, or a friend who is a little, to be mine for a bit. Just a temporary stand-in. The ddlg equivalent of playing, I suppose you might say. But it is not the same. I can play D/s, I can play S/m, I can play everything else but it just doesn't quite feel the same. Not for me.
Maybe some can be a part-time Daddy but there is just no such thing as a part-time hero. At least I have never figured out how to want to be.

Bunnie • Oct 31, 2021

I think we all deal with breakups the best way we can, however that may look. I’m crap at it. In the beginning I feel fine. I tell myself “I’ve got this, I’ll be ok, I’ve done it before”… blah blah blah… and I make heaps of plans to keep myself busy. By about day three I’m usually struggling.
Because I generally retreat from the world for a little bit to “regather” myself when I’m hurting, chat can be a godsend if it’s an uplifting group of people in there. It’s a way to still engage, but in a way that feels less vulnerable and exposed. It’s kind of my comfort place to go and just have company when things hurt too much. There’s always a lovely person up for a chit chat about the weather or whatever. That’s what I struggle with… the little things… who to tell the little things to, that happen in everyday life, after you’ve been so used to sharing those things with someone. Or the loss of who you would normally go to when you’re hurting, because they made it better… ouch, that one cuts deep.
It takes me a while to adjust to reining myself back in again, and just having that company to help with the sudden feeling of loneliness and disconnectedness, until I do, I’ve found can really help.
Obviously this probably isn’t very relevant to you, however, I shared in the hope that maybe there’s something you’ll get from it. Sorry you’re struggling. It sucks. *hugs*

BellaTrixxx​(sub female) • Oct 31, 2021

I handle breakups with a shit ton of Souza tequila and a stream of bad decisions. In other words, not well. At all. I wouldn’t recommend it. Lol.

Such great advice here. It does get easier with time and I’m self-care. I’m so sorry you’re struggling now.

rapidlyhip​(switch male) • Oct 31, 2021

Regardless of your position in the dynamic recognize that you’re justified in your feelings. You can feel sad, upset, wonderment, sorrow, glee, whatever the case may be. Embrace these feelings and recognize when you’re ready to move forward. No one dictates when your mourning period ends but you.