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Terms being used much too loosely lately…

LifeChanger​(dom male)
8 months ago • Nov 23, 2021
LifeChanger​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2021
squickplay wrote:
Hello LifeChanger,

I think it's for the same reason there are so many "alpha doms", "true doms", "call me sir"s around right now. The rise of BDSM in mainstream media has flooded the area with the kink curious. There's a wealth of information for individuals to scan through to see if there is one or more aspect of the lifestyle that appeals to them, however it's harder to find accurate representations and educational resources through a quick google search.

As you represent yourself to be experienced and a veteran to the lifestyle I don't know why you would take issue with these terms publicly instead of discussing your understanding and meaning of these terms with potential partners and maybe gently educating those who might not actually fit the traditional definition of said terms about what they mean in the community vs an internet search. This seems like an example of "call out culture" here where instead of addressing individual situations an entire group has been put forward as possibly misrepresenting themselves, and that makes me kinda sad.

I feel that the individuals who are referring to themselves as anything to do with dominants especially alpha, true, and daddy (without training or proper education) pose a much greater risk to the safety of individuals as well as the integrity of the lifestyle, and should be more the focus of experienced doms trying to keep the community an enjoyable place for everyone.

S


I think you make a very good point in your first paragraph.

Regarding the second paragraph I respectfully disagree. Why would I start individual discussions/lectures with individuals that quite clearly immediately disqualify themselves?
Blatant example: A fresh account on the day of account opening introduces herself as a trophy sub who wants to relocate to me but only if I can prove I am a "unicorn Dom" (lol). While that is an extreme example (and potential scam attempt) there simply has been way too many alpha sub/trophy sub ads/contacts to address individually.

Third paragraph is not really addressing my post but nonetheless a very valid and important concern, no doubt.

xo
DanielBelum​(dom male)
8 months ago • Nov 23, 2021
DanielBelum​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2021
Some years ago, Jack Rinella, among his other works, published "The Dictionary of Scene-Friendly Term". He said he could not give it away.

The OP uses terms like true slave but are we to assume that we all have the same definition of that? Matter of fact, I don't personally buy the term at all (in a BDSM sense).

And...who cares? I use the reverse around these terms - "you are a master, a slave, property? Interesting, tell me what that means to you".

Even better, I've retired from using all of them for my own personal use. We use Belum, belet in my house and again...who cares? It could lead you to ignore me as a poser...or lead you to ask me 'what does that mean?' which is the beginning of a conversation.
kittenforplay​(sub female)
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
kittenforplay​(sub female) • Nov 24, 2021
I would agree with this, I also agree that it goes both ways. I will say, the first time a Dom has to actually tell me he’s an alpha is the moment I know he isn’t. A true Alpha needs no introduction. Still funny to hear repeatedly though.

On a side note, I have met many subs who title themselves using different adjectives. Sometimes I find it helpful (just a little piece to the puzzle), and sometimes you can see the colors a mile away. 😜
TakenLower
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
TakenLower • Nov 24, 2021
I feel like no one has the right to define another for them. I’ll call myself whatever I want to call myself, maybe I’ll start calling myself Dr. True Alpha Slave, that’d be fitting. Of course I wouldn’t but the point is, that is not your choice to make, influence, advise upon, or disdain for another.
kittenforplay​(sub female)
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
kittenforplay​(sub female) • Nov 24, 2021
TakenLower wrote:
I feel like no one has the right to define another for them. I’ll call myself whatever I want to call myself, maybe I’ll start calling myself Dr. True Alpha Slave, that’d be fitting. Of course I wouldn’t but the point is, that is not your choice to make, influence, advise upon, or disdain for another.


I don’t think he was telling us we couldn’t call ourselves that, simply that the title is a bit saturating at the moment. 😘
TakenLower
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
TakenLower • Nov 24, 2021
Well we aren’t all insightful individuals that see multiple layers.
DaddyPP​(dom male)
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
DaddyPP​(dom male) • Nov 24, 2021
Meh, I don't really care what people call themselves. I most likely (definitely with some terms) just will steer clear of anything more than a simple friendship, but to each his or her own. I don't understand some of them, like Alpha sub..what the hell is that? By my definition there is nothing alpha about a real sub, so .. wide berth.
No different to me than a Dom/Domme who has to put Master or some such as part of their name though. You either are or you aren't, the need to parade it around seems to speak of issues a sub should steer away from. So yeah, it goes both ways
Fyglia Wicked​(dom female)
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Nov 24, 2021
TakenLower wrote:
I feel like no one has the right to define another for them. I’ll call myself whatever I want to call myself, maybe I’ll start calling myself Dr. True Alpha Slave, that’d be fitting. Of course I wouldn’t but the point is, that is not your choice to make, influence, advise upon, or disdain for another.


🙄 if she wants to advise people it's her choice
People can take her advice or leave it...
If she has disdain for people she spoke of in her post that is also her choice.
A Cloud​(sub female)
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
A Cloud​(sub female) • Nov 24, 2021
TakenLower wrote:
I feel like no one has the right to define another for them. I’ll call myself whatever I want to call myself, maybe I’ll start calling myself Dr. True Alpha Slave, that’d be fitting. Of course I wouldn’t but the point is, that is not your choice to make, influence, advise upon, or disdain for another.


Totally agree with TakenLower's response. It was my first thought when reading the OP.
"(3) Brat: Missing manners, missing education, missing training might be a better description for some of these self-declared “brats”."

I don't understand the point being made in the above statement. I feel this to be a generalised assumption of.... Who are the self declared brats? Everyone who calls themself a brat?

Language is ambiguous, fluid and complex; it involves varying definitions, contexts and situational referencing, which is at odds with the sweeping generalised statements. When labels are used by individuals, clarification of nuanced meaning is often neglected and the meaning output is distorted tenfold by the receivers - ten different conversations with the assumption/belief it is one.

"Hysterical, too emotional, too sensitive were labels that others gave me.
They became, and still remain, part of my identity.
But I know now that I can let go of those impositions.
My self is my choice and so are the labels I identify with"

The quote above is from a post I did that mentions the effect of others placing 'their' labels upon me. The labels are seen as defects in society, which fed my belief I was worthless for many, many years. Every individual is the master of their own identity and the labels they choose to use at that point in time. They can change at any time for any reason - that is okay and suggests growth, change and/or exploration.

More to the point, why are people triggered by self-appointed labels? Because the labels and definitions do not align with an individual's own understanding of the concept/term being used. They differ in meaning and representation but are assumed to be absolute.

If the use of the label differs to another's understanding and application - so what? Clarify and discuss as intellectual and respectful beings. Move on to crafting a more dynamic use of language and representations of self.

Oh, and, is there an actual question for this thread? Or is just distancing oneself from the arrival of new members who are 'not real doms and subs'. They're not even 'real' people.... ??? Ego stroking by positioning oneself above the 'lowly folk' is what I call it. They're just lost like most of the humans on this planet. There will always be change and shifts in cultures but one can choose to complain or capitalise, be bitter or thrive.

A post too long for the Forum, I acknowledge, but I have a lot to say on the matter of polarising rhetoric and projected personal beliefs of language use and meaning.
Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott}
8 months ago • Nov 24, 2021
DaddyPP wrote:

No different to me than a Dom/Domme who has to put Master or some such as part of their name though. You either are or you aren't, the need to parade it around seems to speak of issues a sub should steer away from. So yeah, it goes both ways


Now that’s an interesting statement. As personally I look at someone’s name as just that - a reference they have chosen for themselves. For many it’s natural to incorporate an indication as to how they identify into it?

You say that you would make a judgement on someone who includes Master or some such as part of it. However, you have Daddy as part of yours - should people read into that the same way as you suggest the use of Master should be? If not, what is the difference- they are both (commonly) understood roles within the community.

I wonder what (if anything) people chose to read into my handle…..