AGE GAP - Do you have a limit???

AGE GAP - Do you have a limit???

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Jan 17, 2022

We all know the Age Gap (May-December) relationships. We see with Celebrities, Movies, our friends and family.

I dated a 23 yr old when I was 36. It didn't sit well with me at first, BUT we had a great relationship!

I believe age is a number and shouldn't be dissected. However, I think that number depends on how many years the persons involved have lived.

E.g. 36-23 (my example).. well we were very in tune with one another. Just like a 40 & 60 yr old can. BUT is there a limit?

10 yrs? 20 yrs, 25 yrs? 35 yrs?

I'm curious...

Please tell me your opinion and thoughts!

For me, I feel a 60 yr old and 25 yr old seems fucked up! But again, I'm curious!

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2022

It might also depend on whether it is in-person, or one of the increasingly frequent online relationships.
My largest in-person age gap was 24 years (I was 50 - she was 26) it was wonderful for 3+ months, and then it really, really wasn't anymore.
My largest online age gap was 36 years (I was 54 - she was 18 ) it was wonderful for 6+ months, and even though we ended it we are still close.

So age need not prevent people from having a great relationship, but there are some annoying generational differences, for instance:
- I grew up with the old wall mounted rotary phones. Now people use their cameras to call people?
- I used to have to make real, actual, flesh and bone, human friends. Now, as long as you Twatter and Facebook and such you don't even have to know your "friends?"
- Things used to be cool, but now they are sick?
- I was a child of disco and by the way what the fuck is a twerk?
But there are some very real practical concerns like:
- What if one of you wants to start a family? I wouldn't want to be in my 70's when my kid graduates.
- Getting involved with someone who is the same age as your own kids, or your own parents.
- Having people constantly assuming you are parent/child, or even worse - grandparent/grandchild!

So yeah age is just a number, and this kind of thing can and does work. But there are things to things to keep in mind.

Bunnie • Jan 17, 2022

My limit is anyone close to the age of my dad. Considering I’m the baby though, that’s still within the realms of a pretty high age bracket.

As for the other direction. I’ve never even been able to date anyone my one age, let alone younger. They just seem so young to me. There has been only one guy who was younger than me (surprisingly by quite a lot) that actually made me pause and consider for a moment. He was super cool and we got along really well and had a lot of fun. So he opened me to the possibility that there may be the rare exception.

My last experience opened me to a world I didn’t know existed and to be honest, am reluctant to come back from. When I was younger I believed that age didn’t matter, however, there are ways in which it does. Which is actually precisely why I’m attracted to men older than me… because they have qualities that younger men simply do not have yet. If that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t be so specific in my preferences.

My Dear{Trust} • Jan 17, 2022

Age is just a number... but is it?

Studies show the brain is not mature until mid-twenties. So, if the guy is 40+ and the chick is 18 or barely over that, then you have a 'mature adult' involved with... what? an adult that hasn't fully matured?
(Fit the Genders to your preference, please.)

The greatest difference in age between me and a younger partner was 7 years. I like to believe that I appear, as people often tell me, younger than I am. In that case I don't think anyone realized I was older. In each case of the other party being younger I knew that for me it wouldn't work as a long term or lifetime commitment. The simple fact that in each case we were at different points in our lives. While we may have enjoyed each other physically, we weren't in agreement as to what we wanted out of life at that time, or in the future.
The greatest difference in age between me and an older partner was 20 years. That relationship could have worked out; but, he was too determined that he didn't want children and my kids were still children. We are still friends, though he has often tried to convince me for more; and, he says that choice remains the biggest regret of his life.

The relationship with him, though we were 20 years apart, worked for a bunch of reasons: he had so much energy, was super active, was usually upbeat, was still very career driven, and had a high sex/intimacy drive. I, on the other hand, had kids and (as a capricorn?) am prone to being too serious. He lightened me and I returned to him knowledge that being 50-53 was NOT too old to have fun however he wished to do so. We did have moments where someone would think I was his daughter, and - my mother didn't care for me being in a relationship with someone barely 5 years younger than herself; but, we complemented one another well.

The greatest age difference between myself and an online relationship is only 7 or 8 years - with my preference being for him to be older than I am.
I am a submissive; and, for me, there is a sense of security in being the younger 1/2 of a relationship, and a natural order to him then being the Dominant party. In relationships with those who are younger than I am I find that to be more difficult and, for me, less natural.

As to what would be my limit: probably about 20 years - at THIS point in my life (49). When I was 30, the man who was 20 years older than me was 12 years older than the next oldest person I had been involved with. Then, 20 years was much greater than my usual age difference comfort zone; but, as I said, with him it worked. Prior to then, I had never considered someone that much older than I was. As for a limit to them being younger than me - well, at 7 years difference I exceeded what I thought I would; but, that was not a situation where there was a thought of it being anything lasting.

I'm a mother before I am anything else. Most of us with kids use our kids ages as a sort of limit to how much younger we would even consider. As my son is 31, 42/43 would definitely be the extreme young end for me. Likewise, I definitely get a bit weirded out (for lack of a better term) when i find out that someone is involved with someone who is as young as or younger than their own children; so... for me, the 60/60+ year old guy (or gal) with 30/30+ year old kids dating a 20-something person really gives me that uncomfortable feeling. I cannot see what it is that the older person gets out of that association. As LJ said, it is probably fun to begin with when things are fresh and new; but, over time I don't see it holding up. Where is the common ground? Where are the shared experiences? How do you truly understand and respect one another for your accomplishments when you can't understand what those are or why they would have been goals?

Additionally, I have to admit, I have to wonder really hard with a very much older person having interest in a 'barely legal' person. Is it just that they are playing on the safe side of an age limit legality? Or is that 'barely legal' person so experienced, learned, and worldly as to be able to hold their own in conversations and etc?

Again - as a parent, if I imagine someone the age of my father interested in someone the age of my daughter (or younger) my mind automatically pauses to say 'What the fuck'.

All of that said, I Am Not Kink Shaming - I am questioning WHAT that kink actually is (from a moral an ethical viewpoint.)

CSI • Jan 17, 2022

With playmates I have swung 20+ years both directions. I think with a relationship, I would want them in the 10 year range, otherwise I don't feel as though we would have much in common. (Like I would bring up tape decks, 8 tracks, ataris or commodore 64 and would get a blank stare). For dynamics - if I had one separate from a relationship, I don't think there would be a cap.

Master Raf​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2022

At 63, even for online, it's 48 or older.
Younger than that, they think it's creepy anyway, or, I am their dad's age.

50 plus is really good, especially if they are well-educated.

event horizon{NotLooking} • Jan 17, 2022

I most definitely have limits for myself, as well as what I see to be reasonable limits for other people.

I'm 37, and while there is *some* wiggle room, I'd say I don't generally go lower than 26 or 25, or higher than 45, depending. The higher age is mostly because a lot of people above that tend to look too old for me, and it seems out of balance. Also admittedly it does weird me out to imagine dating someone in or close to their 50s, while still being in my 30s. Generally speaking, though, my absolute rule is that if you're young enough for me to've conceived you, or old enough to've conceived me, the answer is no. So the absolute limit is 13 years in either direction, but touching those limits is unlikely.

As for other people, there's still some wiggle room sometimes, but I definitely do not find a Hugh Hefner-y situation to be acceptable. Elderly people have no business dating and/or sleeping with 18 year old people. I find it really gross, and personally consider it to be a slightly extended version of pedophilia, which I believe can carry into somewhat further ages as well. I know that someone can legally sleep with whomever they want when they turn 18, but I don't think the law necessarily represents morality on this one. There's just so much nuance to all of it, so many potential factors that make something acceptable or not. Overall, though, I'd say anyone beyond their 30s should ABSOLUTELY not be dating and/or sleeping with teenagers, regardless of legality. Outside of that, I'd say I'm still a little icked out by large age differences in couples. At some point it just feels like manipulation on the part of the older person, and possibly naivete on the part of the younger person. Or sometimes the other way if the older person is in the elderly range and maybe not totally in control of their faculties. Hard to say what exactly that point is, but if I had to guess, I think 30+ year age differences are questionable. A 50 year-old person dating an 80 year-old person.. just.. ick. I don't understand the appeal at all.

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Jan 17, 2022

I am a submissive who is a youthful 66. I am attracted to men who are intelligent gentlemen with a dark side that I have commonalities with. For me, physical "beauty" has nothing to do with it.

Is there more that I need? Of course there is. But I just can't go below the age of my oldest child. I know, I know, age is just a number and trust me it has taken me some time to be comfortable with a Dominant as young as 40. That is a 26 year age gap and it would have to be one hell of a man to capture and keep my attention at such a gap. Because I desire a permanent IRL, my concern with one of my younger limit is that when I am 80 he would be 54. Longevity runs in my family so its likely that I will live well into my 90s. Looking further into the future if I am 90 he would be 64. I'm well able to keep up physically with men 30 or more years younger than I but is that truly realistic and sustainable for a long long time?

I have an upper limit much closer to my age which is 70. My thought is that I want to "live" and travel for a long while. I want to enjoy our minds and bodies. I'm trying to be logical about this. Could someone fall into my life that is my One who goes well over or under my limits of 70 and 40? I think even if such a relationship is a love for the ages, it's pretty unlikely to occur.

TwoRingsOneChain • Jan 17, 2022

I have a freind of mine in the vanilla world who married her husband when she was 23 and he was 73. They've been married for twelve years and have one son .

I know some people try to tell me it's a gold digger thing but I know the story behind it.

She was working at a truck stop and he was a truck driver and some other people were starting to harass her and he defended her and after that they just basically fell in love

Defender​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2022

I found this post extraordinary.
I have put emojis next to the most intolerant and judgemental parts of the post and refer to them below:

1. In the very first line, the poster is setting limits for other people.Therefore I assume it is acceptable for us to set limits for her, and her behaviour?

2. The poster finds some other people's relationships "gross". It is highly likely that many in the vanilla world would find her relationships gross too. So it might be a good idea not to criticise others. No?

3. She feels it is an "extended version of paedophilia". Really? This would appear to show an incredible lack of understanding - intolerance even - of DD/lg relationships.

4. She is "icked out" by large age differences in couples. Then I suggest just ignore them and concentrate on your own relationships, whilst knowing that other people may be "icked out" by those too!

5. It feels like "manipulation on the part of the older person". Wow. Just wow. In every case? No exceptions? Can the older person also not be manipulated? Is it possible that the problem in fact, lies in your mind, rather than in them?

6. "Naivete on the part of the younger person." Incredible. So there is no possibilty that the younger person has had "normal" - which means "acceptable to you" - relationships, and found that they are not for them, so they have actively gone looking for an older partner?
Nope, they are all just "naive" of course.....

I appreciate that the quoted post is just an opinion, but the whole post reeks of narrow-minded and unpleasant judgement.

On a kink site!

Not long ago, inter-racial relationships were deemed "icky".

Same sex relationships were "gross".

TV, TS, GF etc.were scorned and diminished in the same way the poster has treated age gap relationships.

So, just as in all these case, I suggest that if it works for the individuals involved, one should be just as tolerant as you would like others to be tolerant of you.