Training a submissive

DewofHermon​(sub female) • Mar 11, 2022

Good point. Brilliant analogy!

This is super important

Atilla​(switch male){Owned} • Mar 13, 2022

i am really good at acting submissive... at saying the submissive things. but i know being a submissive is more than that. if i or a Domme allow something to continue on purely because it looks good, neither of us are doing the other a favor. i am quite certain that my Mistress would tell y/You the truth. in spite of what i might look like, i am probably the roughest sub out there. the commitment to do better for each other is the most basic tenet of what w/We do in my opinion.

Re: Training a submissive

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Mar 15, 2022

I have just woken up and have a large erection which needs immediate attention.
But off the top of my head, very quickly ……



My answer:
Doms thinking that they don’t, themselves, need training (i.e. learning, self-reflection, etc)

FC

I'mME • Mar 31, 2022

Some Doms call it training, and some may certainly regard their sub as a dog. Doms with any education, common sense, it's teaching a sub what they like. If they instruct a sub how to make a drink they like, well that's training but it goes on all the time, it's just not labeled as such all the time.

You and whoever you agree to be in a dynamic with can do your own thing.

Re: This is super important

I'mME • Mar 31, 2022

I loved your response. Then in my opinion you two are what a dynamic is about. Working towards a common goal. Nobody is perfection. People are human and when someone who has power over another , it can border abusive to expect perfection. I have seen it many times.

I like your answer, human. 🧡

Madame Eire​(dom female) • Apr 1, 2022

The mistake I feel a number of Dom/me's make is understanding the need for them to be trained first, to hone their basic skills, to be safe, know the rules and be the best they can be at that point of their BDSM journey before taking on the responsibility of training a submissive. I am not saying you have to be a world-class expert before taking on a submissive, but a Dom/me does need to have solid knowledge and foundation in the basics of D/s dynamics and BDSM in general before bringing another person into the mix.

I'mME • May 19, 2022

Any person self-labeling as a Dom [women or men] needs a few more skills than what you have listed. They need to maintain their temper, not be throwing things, name calling.

They need to have control over themselves for sure.
This does not mean to not make s mistake, only to not skip over it while calling subs out.

What I am describing, is to treat others how you would want to be treated.

Doms are not better than subs, it's the power that the sub has given them that makes them different.

A Dom can not Dom without a sub who gives their submission. A sub can not serve without a Dom to serve.

Onlytimewilltell​(dom male) • May 20, 2022

What a great question. I feel like this is a double edged sword. I believe subs need to understand what they want from a Dom and remember they are a woman first and sub second. I think male and females forget that once you get passed all the sexual stuff what’s left. How can a Dom train a sub if they don’t even know their sub? Don’t get me wrong sex is a great but when you have a rough day masterbating on camera or in person doesn’t fix the emotional disconnect that a sub feels. So when there is no sexual aspects to the dynamic the sub has a tendency to feel a disconnect. Some Doms feel it as well. Yes, there are those who are only here for the sexual aspect but again I don’t believe that because everyone here has been fucked and fucked over so that’s not the main reason. I believe to train a sub you need to treat her like a bank account and invest. You can’t just withdraw all the time. Even as a Sadist you can’t twist what you don’t know. This lifestyle is fluid not cookie cutter. Just my view….

slavebilly​(sub male) • May 25, 2022

All excellent points.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 5, 2022

i believe sustainable living means we as people define the standard/s, the standard/s does/do not define us. i think it's really easy to slide into the first approach, the second takes continuous attention, work. The first is static, the second fluid.

Even given the fluidity of life, some fluids move faster and are more dynamic than others. Water moves a lot faster than glass. They are both clear, but we can easily see water move while many don't even realize glass is a fluid because the movement of glass cannot be readily sensed.

Bear with me , 'thinking outloud' lol.

To me, a barrier i have experienced, and see others (on both sides of the slash) experience in a D/s dynamic, is a fundamental one. I.e. the notion that one can train or mold to be something other than they are. Hay cannot be molded/trained to be clay, or vice versa.

For instance, being gay and 'bottom' is a primary ingredient of my psychosexual make-up. It's been a core element i can trace back to age 7. Growing up, the cultures i was born into conditioned me to believe i was supposed to be straight, top, married to a woman, etc.. i 'did' all those things, and "submitted" to a point where many believed that was who i was. But it was essentially 'role play' for me. i was "trained" to be hetero and top from an early age, and i sincerely wanted to be what i was supposed to be, i was invested. But it did not change who i essentially am.

Even after i came to a place of self acceptance, i still encounter the standard of what i should be vs what i am. Self knowledge and communication are essential, eh?

To me, our relationships can be a journey of discovery. A challenge we face is figuring out what can, and what cannot, be trained, molded. Discerning what is glass and what is water.