Problems with the Personals

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Dec 17, 2017

Evangeline and Cage Monkey both respond personally and promptly to all complaints, Rick. Quite a few have been taken care of.

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Dec 18, 2017

Yes! The owners are very responsive and supportive!

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Dec 19, 2017

Yes, when one reports a user, swift action is generally taken to resolve whatever the problem is. The moderators are very good about it.

evilassassin00​(switch male) • Dec 19, 2017

Yep, welcome to the world of online!

Sadly this is this a problem unique to this site. Every site/app I have used for kink or even vanilla dating is the same.

I think there's a couple of factors at play, firstly there appear to just be more males online in this space (I haven't checked the numbers on cage, but I assume this to be the case). Males also seem more likely to post (lots of reasons on this which will appear as I go on).

Females seem to be the most "in demand" commodity. Part of this is due to the limited numbers (as discussed above) and also due to the fact that for a lot of the people online finding a female is their first preference. As a straight male, I would much prefer to play with females, but as this is almost impossible I have to resort to playing with other males online, I believe this is the case for a lot of people. As has previously been mentioned in this post, it's a sheet numbers game and there's just not enough females to go around.

When I first got into online kink, females were extremely rare, then their numbers started to grow (or appear to) as online kink become more mainstream. As web cameras and digital cameras became more of a thing though, suddenly their numbers declined.... Part of this trend I think was that people were struggling to find play partners, but as females were in demand they could pretend to be a female. Once cameras became more prolific though this became harder to hide. If I had a dollar for every time someone had a "broken" web cam I'd be rich! (also as a funny aside I once had 3 separate people send me the same pictures of some random girl claiming it to be themselves over the space of a week).

Fast forward a little bit and now everyone has access to some kind of digital camera, so you would think the ability for people to lie etc would disappear. Unfortunately though this isn't the case. With the advent of "revenge porn" and peoples pictures being maliciously shared, lots of people are now afraid to share pictures etc and suddenly now that is the get out of jail card/excuse that people can use.

Because of the lack (or perceived lack) of females though, they (either real or fake females) can get away with almost anything, I have seen on other sites a "female" post up an saying something akin to "me hornay want slave" and get 2 dozen replies. Yet I've written dozens of posts myself that are well written, clear etc and have never ever got a single response (which is why I've now given up).

Sadly this is also try in real life. When I was trying the various forms of dating years ago, females had the pick of the litter and had first refusal on anything, whereas guys were scrambling for scraps.

Unfortunately from their it just becomes a vicious cycle/self fulfilling prophecy....

There are also a lot of other reasons too... I believe men and women want slightly different things and this flows though. The better females I've played with over the years have been looking for more committed things while guys are willing to accept shorter term. Guys also want something more tangible, while for a lot of females I feel like it's more the thought. Generally from what I've seen if a guy is horny and has a day alone and wants to spend it with online kink, he will want to have an actual play session. Conversely a female would be satisfied with just chatting about potential scenarios. (That's just my experience though).

So with all that said.... What is the solution?

.... No idea!! (Sadly I think we are all doomed). Though if someone comes up with one let me know....

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Dec 19, 2017

Well, while there is a proliferation of men who just want to get off to a fantasy, I wouldn't say there are a ton of men contacting us women who actually want any kind of serious long term interaction.

When it comes to the real life BDSM community, out here being female doesn't instantly net you compatible partners. People who just want to use you as a convenient hole, sure, but believe me, having a vagina doesn't instantly grant me a real, compatible partner. It can take years and years to find anyone.

K y i v • Dec 19, 2017

Quality Vs Quantity the real sadist!

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Dec 19, 2017

Let's say you're looking for breakfast. Instead of being offered breakfast, a bunch of people dump trash on your lawn. It's demoralizing, it makes you feel bad, and there's still no offer of breakfast. The floods of messages women get are almost all full of nonconsensual objectification and degradation. It does not feel good. It's not having it easy and having a bunch of options. It's dehumanizing without negotiation.

Drennon​(dom male) • Dec 19, 2017

Hey evergrey. I can completely understand getting sick of all the garbage in the lawn that you have to trudge through endlessly. As we know there are a lot of guys that are just looking for that quick fling. But for those of us here that are looking for more, do you have any advise on how to make our breakfast offering stick out from amongst the trash heap? Like evilassassin said, we can write a really nice message with still no reply because the women think it is just more garbage in the pile.

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Dec 19, 2017

Aside from my cheeky write-up about sending messages?

First of all, read their ad and their profiles thoroughly. Well, hopefully they will have bothered to write something. If they haven't, what's interesting about them?

When you write to them, reference stuff you read in their profile. Talk about what it is specifically that made you want to reach out to them.

Also, talk about yourself as a person. The key is to be respectful and patient. To let them know you see THEM, not just wank fodder. Show them that you also care about them knowing you. Let things develop naturally, rather than going straight into super personal kink stuff. That'd be my advice.

Doesn't guarantee people will write back, but it certainly helps. I don't think I've got a single message from someone trying to get involved with me who actually read my profile. They'd have a much bigger chance if they did that (and met the qualifications, like local and poly, of course.)

SouthernFire​(sub female) • Dec 19, 2017

I agree with evergrey. Reading the profiles is important. I know I read them and it has helped me in deciding who to write and not to write.