Problems with the Personals

Miki • Dec 23, 2017

Not In Management-- But writing to one of them will get fast answers. It did for me when I asked some basic questions like is there a way to be "invisible" and all that (No) but the response came fast and clear.

* * *

Now on to the O P.

This site, aside from our ability to be free and honest about what the "normal" world thinks is twisted and depraved, is not otherwise much unlike any "vanilla" sites with a feature for people to connect in the brick and mortar world in that there really are more men, both doms and subs, than women.

In spite of all the "modern day enlightenment" with regard to sexual and gender "roles" t's still you guys who have to do the chasing.

I I can go out and get "offers" for anything from a cup of coffee, light snack, drink all the way to "wanna go play?" with some ease ---until I get older, anyway-- (*haw *haw) -- once or twice a week but you guys more often get "looks and coy smiles" But they still leave it up to you to make that first move.

And if some gorgeous "10" comes at ya.. there's usually a reason. Depending on what winds your clock, caution is indicated.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 24, 2017

Except that it does, it can and it will. The simple logic is X people not yet met having a chance to become someone closer. If Y is the number of "close people" and X is in the minor category then you have drastically less odds simply due to the fact that it's less opportunities to meet X people. More people means more chances. Less people means less chances. That's the simple math.

It doesn't mean their aren't Y people out there though. And infact Y might not even be in X at all due to not looking but rather happening to meet someone and have it turn into Y.

SirPain​(dom male) • Dec 28, 2017

I think if you look at the actual number of men (Dom and sub) on this or any other site, you will find that men usually out number women by about 3 to 1. So, the probability of there being more men posting is about 3 times as high as the number of women posting.

Simply put, there are more men on the site so therefore there are going to be more men posting in the personals than women.

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Dec 28, 2017

Can you imagine how difficult it is for the women on this site? Sometimes there are several different people messaging and trying to get to know you, and each one meets some sort of criteria in mind. It makes decision making in this regard very difficult and you constantly second guess yourself.

I feel for you guys looking for someone because the ratio really isn’t fair. But try to see it from our perspective also. Most of us don’t need to run personals because our inboxes are getting hit a lot. Unfortunately it’s the more distasteful prospects (who come in droves by the way) that keep us from putting up an ad.

Bunnie • Jan 21, 2018

Something also that has recently been brought to my attention is the concept of actually approaching Doms. Yes... silly I know lol. I have always been approached... it never occurred to me to do the approaching. I have on rare occasions, but more out of curiosity or a question about something specific on their profile ( hint hint... you’re welcome ). So ads are very much the same (I can only speak for myself), it hadn’t occurred to me to place an ad. Although having said all of that, it could be because I don’t really see this as a “dating” site. To be honest, it’s not really in my nature to put myself out there and advertise. So that could be another aspect to your question.

TakenLower • Jan 21, 2018

@Cap’n Rick

The site staff do watch very closely, and want more than anything to protect the integrity of the site.

That being said, a simple report button is just not efficient. Being offended is not something that one should be able to ban another for. No one forces you to continue reading a persons words.

I have personally reported two people in the six months that I’ve been here. I felt that these individuals were a danger to women. It had nothing to do with being offended. The staff investigated and handled it as they saw fit.

@Drennon on the original topic:


I wouldn’t do an ad. I have a policy of only engaging with individuals that I choose. As you know from our conversations I do make exceptions. I read the ads, I read the profiles and if I message you directly you can bet that you’re being hunted.

Dumbledore​(dom male) • Jan 22, 2018

You're correct, a simple report button is useless. But what I fail to understand is that no dating site that I know off ever tried to implement something that actually worked, while the solution is really not that particularly difficult.

As an example look at the StackOverflow web site. This is a geeky developer site where you build reputation. And yes, your reputation can be damaged by some cranky guy not agreeing with your programming style (trust me, developers are vicious when it comes to style ), but over all it's a very efficient way to reward people who spend time on the site and are helpful towards others. You're not "reported", instead you build reputation over time. And they're clever about it, voting down a post from someone for example, takes away some of your reputation, so you learn to be careful about what wars you fight.

I still think that this kind of system would work on a dating site too; and I think it's mostly the commercial aspects that stop it from being implemented. If you get to a point where a nitwit is actually labeled as a nitwit, he's not likely to spend much time on your site. I think the net effect of such a system would be very beneficial for the people on the site; not so beneficial for the commercial organization behind the site.

Villanelle​(staff) • Jan 22, 2018

Yes Cap. We do actually read the threads and respond to messages outlining concerns. I promise your messages are being read and that we do look in to every issue brought to our attention. So please keep it coming. We can't do this without you guys.

cyndi lucy • Jan 26, 2018

Online dating is so competitive now that it is very difficult to find what you are looking for, for both subs and dommes

SirPain​(dom male) • Jan 26, 2018

@cyndi lucy, you said a mouthful right there. Not only is it competitive for younger people, but for those of us who are considered...past our prime...it's almost impossible to find a sub/slave, much less the sub/slave of our dreams (female, about 45 to 55, not extremely overweight, and for me...Caucasian).