Submission

Submission

shyandexploring​(sub female) • Jun 5, 2022

hello!
I just joined this community ready to explore this lifestyle. i’m a sub. I don’t really know where to start. if anyone can help me out i’d really appreciate it. I also am curious, if ur a sub or not, what it’s like? the rules? how do u know u can trust someone to be a Dom in your life?

I hope I posted this in the right area. sorry if I didn’t

thank you either way!

-shy

Copperband​(sub female) • Jun 5, 2022

Hello Shy!

I am relatively new too, I’ve been exploring for about a year. I would suggest that you do a lot of reading. On here, fetlife, non-fiction and fiction so you can start to get an idea of generally accepted rules and etiquette. Although saying that, kink is what you want it to be!

Think about what you might want to learn, what you want to share and not share with others, and be aware that your excitement (and it can be very exciting!) might make you vulnerable to people who may want to exploited you and not have your best interests at heart. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it even if someone tells you that you ‘should’. Don’t rush into anything, and don’t allow anyone to make you feel pressured.

And for me the most important thing of all is that you are a person first, before a Dom, sub or switch, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you wouldn’t let someone talk to you or treat you in a certain way in your vanilla life don’t let them do it here.

Good luck, have fun and keep safe, Copper x

LordofPain56 • Jun 6, 2022

Rules and punishments for violation of the rules is gonna vary from one type of Dom to another, further varied by individual Dom's. For this information, you need to get a list from your prospective partner and then you should be required to agree to the rules and punishments, or disagree, likely initiating a compromise on one or more items in the list. Once an agreement is finally reached (if any), it is up to you to hold him to account for any violations to the agreement.
If you are wanting specific lists from any Dom just as an example of what you might expect, I think that is not a good idea. The list of a Sadist might turn you off altogether, while the list of some Daddy Dom's might seem boring to you. ???
But I've got a list, if you want it send me a message and I will copy/paste it to a reply. (But you won't like it). I have WHIPs

Feleyra​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2022

Greetings.
Sub here as well, been in the ls for about a year and a half.
I can give you information on my own dynamic, but it may not be what you are wanting and will definitely be different from the next person. Each dynamic will be different, as both people involved will be negotiating for things they want.
My dynamic has more or less "loose" rules, as we both have lives and are not a love interest to each other (though we are sometimes fwb's); of course I feel MY Sir is the absolute best (as any submissive will feel about their Dom). I work very hard not to break rules, I am a good girl, I do not bratt. So really you will need to decide with your sir what is suitable for you. Keep in mind, a punishment is meant to deter bad behavior. If you are looking to get punished, that would have a different set of rules. For me, if I want a spanking, I just ask for one, politely. That way, there is no question of what I am needing.
I would recommend doing as much research as you possibly can. You can never know too much of your craft, so consider looking for articles online as well as books. Also check out a few sites that can offer mentoring, again, you can never learn too much. I feel I am a good service submissive for my Sir, but I am always trying to educate myself to be better.
Feel free to contact if you have more questions.

Re: Submission

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jun 6, 2022

Those are questions with no standard answers. Every single relationship varies in intensity and protocols. Even "what's it like to be a sub" will not elicit any standard and agreeable consensus. The beauty of just embarking on your journey is that it's a process of self discovery. You're young and just now beginning to explore.

All that's important right now is for you to allow yourself to embrace what you - personally - feel in your own gut and then learn to communicate what you expect from a potential dom and then work on being able to articulate what you feel comfortable in offering them in return. It sounds trite and unhelpful but it really is all up to you to determine your own needs and your own boundaries. Once you've identified your own wants, expectations and needs, you'll be better equipped to determine who to trust to fulfill these things. I wish you much happiness and contentment in your future relationships.

Zelia • Jun 6, 2022

Rules should surely be designed for the betterment of the submissive, designed to enhance her service and her self development. I know that there are many rules that can be applied rather well across the board, nutrition and fluid intake, for example, but outside of this surely they will vary widely. I wouldn’t expect a Dom to present ‘His rules.’

Re: Submission

Zelia • Jun 6, 2022

To answer your question I would say research, research, research. There is a wealth of quality information available in blogs (not on this site), books and in the Magazine here. Read and talk to others. Learn about sub frenzy, red flags, explore what you want and need in a dynamic. Don’t fall into being guided by a well meaning Dom who offers to be your mentor, often a recipe for disaster. Look out for local events too, communities in your local area.

Don’t jump in and allow yourself to be hurt. The water is tempting and while much beauty lies within, it’s also populated by sharks.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jun 6, 2022

That entire ominous announcement of "I have WHIPS" is ridiculous - in my opinion, that is. And it's very clear that on these forums, it's imperative for everyone to make sure that every comment they make is accompanied by what should be the very obvious disclaimer that their replies only represents their own opinion. Or risk getting tag teamed by a certain indignant constituency here.

And when any so-called "dominant" decides to settle any debate by announcing "I HAVE WHIPS!" it always results in my quirking an eyebrow and not even bothering to contain my skeptical amusement.

Re: Submission

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Jun 6, 2022

The best place to start? You already found it by asking questions. There are a lot of points of views when it comes to rules, submission, how far you should go when you are new, etc, but ultimately it's what works for you. I know it can be exciting, especially that feeling of acceptance, but it can also be very overwhelming. Take your time to explore by reading, going to community functions if possible, and keep asking question.

Have a fun and safe journey!

shyandexploring​(sub female) • Jun 6, 2022

thanks everyone for responding! I know everyone is saying research! i’m definitely working on that. I think a few people also says find events around me. how do I do that? and know it’s safe? if that’s possible haha