Is there a way to avoid desperate noobs?

Bellona​(dom female) • Dec 22, 2017

@Hawkeye - It would be speculation to draw a conclusion without an example but people often projet tone in writing. Good writers will do it well. If you write honestly you will convey your message, but as I said it is possible to misscomunicate or misunderstand as the reader. Generally, I don't feel that people project or assume a tone when reading another's writing but I'm sure it's possible.

If people are picking up on a certain tone in person and in your writing than I would suggest that likely there is something, whether intentional or not, that is leaving the recipient with that impression. Perhaps ask questions the next time this happens so you can get an idea of what is being misscommunicated. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more on this.

Miki • Dec 23, 2017

I think it's "universal" to a lot of sites. You're a female dom and get hit on by male subs.. In my first few days in here when my profile showed "female sub" my inbox was blown to bits, so to speak, by male doms, especially since it was apparent that I am Un-Owned.

But nary a one female Dom wrote to me in this manner so while I don't "bash" dudes, there must me a lot more males, either sub or dom, in here than unattached women and a number of those fellers are out looking for a bit of fun.

Goes that way on vanilla date sites as well. Men far outnumber women.

As for my experiences, I didn't have to be mean to any of them. I didn't block or ignore a single one, instead I made it clear I just arrived in here and wasn't anywhere near ready to "sign on" and wear their collar.

By and by they disappeared.

Now, especially after having adjusted my profile blah, No doms inbox me.

WallyBe​(sub male) • Dec 23, 2017

As a submissive male myself, I hate that this happens so often. For me, it makes having an actual normal and non-predatory conversation with a domme difficult, even after taking into account all the necessary information on her profile page. The moment you see a message by a "sub male", alarms start going off, and I can't blame you...

Sometimes I think it's better to remove that tag all together, but then again it's who I am and I don't think I should hide that.

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 23, 2017

@ Miki -- I hear you, and I appreciate your approach. To me, it's hard not to get frustrated when I'm being inundated with crap. What did you change about your profile that you think helped cut out some of the unwanted attention?

@WallyBe -- You don't have to hide it at all! I can't speak for other Dommes, but I personally welcome communication from anyone who isn't trying to throw themselves at me lol. I really am down to just talk to whoever, but when it comes to kinky/romantic interests, I have rules, and I'm tired of people ignoring them. By all means though, keep doing what you're doing. I think I can speak for all Dommes when I say we really do appreciate people who actually put in some effort and can type a message without vomiting their fetish lists at us.

Miki • Dec 23, 2017

@LikeTheWaves
Hello Ma'am
keeping in mind the intent of this thread I must explain that in the presence of a domme I conduct myself in the manner of a proper sub even though I am un-owned. If it is improper or presumptuous please let me know (and forgive me) and I'll go into "public" mode as in "Hey, Lady!"

First of all, I actually edited my profile after having read some articles in here where posters critique the actions and attitudes of others who are not well versed in "The Lifestyle" as "not true Subs" or "don't know anything about 'The Lifestyle'." So to err on the side of caution I changed my role label to "Masochist". That and I am more masochist than what I read to be "true subs".

The shelling of my inbox slowed and stopped when I put "Not Looking" (once I realized that I could! I didn't know right away that this is what the "collar" entry is for.)

I also wrote politely (I hope) that I am not into online D/s because with my perky, even snarky (un-trained) nature I'd not be able to follow through on The Honor System.

That pretty much made it stop raining men. (One needn't be a granny or geezer to know of that dreadful ditty by The Weather Girls (1988)

Gross.

But my short answer is I indicated that this is a process and while anyone can feel free to pursue me, "don't hold your breath".

In summary, if I may, I make it clear that while I'll talk to anyone, none are to expect to meet me any time soon.

But to be clear, I think the Hounds (not) of Baskervillewent away once I stopped being "new". Your experiences are likely different as dommes are a rare find anywhere, not just here. I mean, I respect men. Most are not walking about slinging the sausage, but the few who do give them a bad rap-- but having said that once it becomes clear I am not playing today they go away.

I truly hope that I correctly answered your query but if I missed the mark, please let me know and I will reply more succinctly .

I apologize if I am too gabby. It's not often I "speak" directly to a domme and again while they stress here that everyone should feel as an equal, I enjoy the opportunity to properly demonstrate my submissive nature.

Miki

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 23, 2017

@Miki no worries, you did great! I didn't know that about the collar section either, so I'm glad to know now and I just changed mine. You may be right as well in that once my shiny newness has worn off, the messages will die down. I certainly hope so, at least. As I said, I'm down to converse with just about anybody, but this business of people throwing themselves at me just for being a Domme is nauseating lol.

Miki • Dec 23, 2017

Oh I apologize if the "ma'am" was not wanted. In future forum interactions I will omit that if you choose. In hindsight I realize that, actually, "in real life", I generally used to reserve "ma'am" for matronly school teachers, crabby nurses, and librarians. I hope you didn't take it that way.

While i have been a sub for a good dozen years I have never come across a forum populated by those of like mind, on both sides of the chain, as it were-- so I'm not sharp on proper written conduct.

While I enjoy interacting with you, breathe easy.. I won't throw myself at you.

No one wants to be hit by flying twigs.

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 23, 2017

@Miki that's quite alright. I do prefer Miss in regular conversation, but I do like being called Ma'am, though that's usually for um.. *those* kinds of moments, lol. No offense taken at all though. I've never quite understood people being offended by being called Ma'am, as I don't get the negative connotations. To me it's respectful, and just a bit more formal than Miss. I've survived on this Earth for 33 years, I've earned the occasional Ma'am.

Miki • Dec 23, 2017

OK.. In the event you have not had time or inclination to see my profile, the first thing I actually was asked when I signed up was my age. So I finally put it in there. I am also 33 so now I would be at a loss as to a proper respectful salutation so probably down the road it'll wind up being "Hey you!"

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 23, 2017

You mean for yourself, or other 33 year-olds ladies? Haha