Is there a way to avoid desperate noobs?

Miki • Dec 24, 2017

Welllll.. probably all 33 year old ladies and younger.. Kinda awk to say "Ma'am" or "Ms." to one in her twenties but if ever "her" official Sub of course it would be whatever she tells me.


As for the dudes, well, they're a Dom a dozen so "hey Sport" or "How's It hangin', Fella" will do because if they disappear on me, they can be replaced.

Or as a guy I am PMing often will confirm, for older guys it's "Hey Pops!"

He says I'm a brat.

Re: Is there a way to avoid desperate noobs?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 24, 2017

That's really more of an idiot problem then a sub problem. I have to deal with people not bothering to read my profiles on sites too. Like they didn't even attempt to express an interest.

But no, you get people with a lack of interest or/and short attention span on and off the net. In those moments I just remind myself that there's also people that actually do pay attention around as well.

Miki • Dec 25, 2017

I have found that as well. My 'tone", as experienced mostly in my "outside world" activities to be "stiff" even cold to some but not so bad for others. I think one's choice of words has a lot to do with tone, but in good measure is the mindset of the reader.

@LikeTheWaves A late apology if I may. I just noticed this forum is for Dominant Women and Submissive Men, neither category applies to me!!!!! OOPS! While I wanted to contribute to the "tone" post, I will respect the forum category and buzz off.

Stranger • Dec 27, 2017

Lol ....you're all noobs ...what did u expect? To find the perfect partner every single time someone messages you? This is basic human interaction you're complaining about....you might as well ask for an easy button....patience is a virtue....a real Dom or sub must have patience ....lots of it ....if not your just making excuses to get what you want easy....grow up...no offence to the littles lmao

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 27, 2017

Let's grade the above post. The poster lumped everyone into the same boat with "all" and called us all noobs. My thought process is "Oh, they're calling ME a noob too. Well fuck them then." They use single letters like "U" instead of proper spelling, which can only mean they're impatient with spelling. But maybe they're on a ph- ok, now they over use the three dots. Horrible grammar. The above poster also mentioned "A real dom or sub must" as if it's their right to speak for others. I'm pretty sure there are impatient ones as well. With and without owners. "No offence to the littles" was said so I can only assume something negative was thought about them, otherwise why bring them up at all? But the reason this poster gets an F is because they go on about "basic human interaction" yet get so childish with their own post. Who the hell is going to listen to someone that posts like that? If this was a message it would be deleted unreplied too. Logical points made or not no one is going to want to listen to that "tone".

Now let's look at this a little more logically. If there's been a million messages and it's never gone well can one say patience has anything to do with it at that point? What if every message is nothing more then "Hey hon, you got nice tits. Put a collar on me baby"? This isn't just about waiting for someone to come along and be a "perfect fit" (As if people are magically fitting before you even talk to them to see if they're there for you). This is, ironically, about basic human interaction. Having more then a one word reply, expressing an interest. So on and so forth. When someone sends a first message it might not be the best impression. And it can be difficult to express an interest in a total stranger. Actually it often is. The real trick is getting others to open up with you. Easier said then done.

When people message me I actually do have things go well. Every single time someone messages me I do more then type something as simple as "Lol" and think of more to say then a single sentence. I ask questions. It can not fair so well when someone messages another however. The fault can as easily be on those receiving messages then those that send them. A lack of interest and communication. When receiving a message you already got someone interested in you. You can work with that. When sending a message it's another matter. Patient or not a lot of people might end up going "Lol" or not say much. "Perfect partner" has nothing to do with this whatsoever. And I don't know about you but I don't get into a persons pants every time I message them. If you can't even establish a line of communication you're not going to "become" partners at all.

So how does one increase ones chances of receiving an interest from someone they message? What's your first message going to be? A generic "Hello, how are you?" Something about cheese? Will it be an interest of yours or asking about theirs? Will it start as a conversation and then turn into a bit of roleplay before turning into something more? And all this will vary depending on who you're interacting with.

Long story short there's a lot of other factors other then "patience". Even impatient people can be a good fit for each other. Or even one being paitent and the other impatient to balance each other out. In fact if you hesitate and don't take a chance at getting to know someone when they're there then that's being too patient if anything. For they may never be seen again.

With something like this it can cause someone to wonder why they should even bother when things never go well. But got to keep taking those chances or nothing will happen for sure. Maybe it's on their end and how they send their messages. Ok, they can do something about that. But that still doesn't change the fact a lot of people lack basic interaction with strangers and go "lol" or struggle to say things themselves. Both sides are just as responsible as each other.

Bellona​(dom female) • Dec 27, 2017

The two above posts are perfect examples of the comments I made about tone...one genuine, personal and includes intellectually relevant information. The other is just your typical nonsense; self-serving, attention seeking, and a useless contribution to the discussion. He probably wont even be back to defend his coments cause he knows this and only made them to ignite negativity.

@ Taramafor
Thank you for your comments. You are a shining example of the few male sub types that here for, and worth, more than cheap sexual advances and offers of servitude; an example of the breath of fresh air we are all looking for.

Miki • Dec 27, 2017

@Taramafor Quite nice post, what I could read of it. but weren't you feeding into the negativity yourself at the outset?

I find both posts useful. The first one is candid. To the point I respect candor. Yours. I could not finish. Too long, fella.

But you raised good points but don't lose sight of the origins of the expression "analysis paralysis".

* * * * *

But most important of all, would you care to explain just who you are that you feel entitled to "grade" other people's posts?

This is a free and open forum. The rules as set forth by the administration rather curiously start with "respect". I think taking it upon yourself to grade a post, criticizing its writer as well as the content-- shows that respect is lacking.


If you don't agree with a post.. that is fine. It happens often in any forum.

But the key to being respectful is to simply say "I don't agree with that" and briefly outline why.

SubDraco​(sub male){Caged} • Dec 27, 2017

There is some good information here, thank you all. I had no clue about the collared part of the profile, and have updated accordingly. However i may change it because i dont think i am collared in the same sense that most here view it,there was no ceremony, it just replaced the necklace that i used to wear. It is something that those that arent into the lifestyle probably wouldnt give much more than an odd glance.

When i first signed up I did get a couple random dms which i pretty much ignored, they looked like they clicked the wrong name. Luckly nothing after that.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 27, 2017

First of all you don't even have all the facts if you didn't read my post fully. Respect is earned, not given. I do not hand that out freely, especially to people like that. If someone posts in a manner that is simply "trollish" for lack of a better term then "I" will "grade" it. It is MY right to do that and nobody elses. Just as it is your right to have an opinion on what others post. It was on topic and I had a opportunity to both use the post as an example and make the poster look like the fool they are. People can and will judge. Deal with it. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying it because it's true. Something I've had to deal with myself. I'm actually currently dealing with it with you at the moment, though you may not yet realise it. And with all due respect what right do you have to grade me and tell me in what way I should act and you yourself are "grading" my very own post? (this is likely the part where you realise it). That's hypocrisy. Don't think you're being "nicer" by phrasing your thoughts differently either. "Just who you are" has the exact same context as "I think less of you" (be honest, you was thinking it). That is not to say such context was intended but I am a logical person that deals with facts. Cold, hard facts. And the fact is I won't stand idly by while people like Stranger talk smack. Knowingly or unknowingly. Especially when it's about me, let alone others on the site. Let behaviour like that slip under the radar and it risks spreading across the site and having toxicity spread within the community. While I might have done the same at the start I remained logical and think I was within reason. I can speak from first hand experience that sometimes people need a good kick up the ass to get their act in gear and realise they're being a bit of a nitwit, if you will.

However, I actually have less respect for you then Stranger as Stranger is at least honest with their approach. Upfront and no nonsense. They state exactly what is on their mind. You on the other hand seem to hide behind a mask of manners while in reality you look down on me and try to disguise that, even if you might be unaware of it. Or at least you seem too. You might not like that answer but it is an honest one. Out of the two of you I find you to be the more disrespectful one since if there's one thing I can't stand it's lies and secrets. Someone else might think otherwise. You see, respect is something that is subjective. And sometimes a little negativity can actually be in the aim of a longer term positive effect. Even comments like wanker and useless can be used as compliments, even used in loving and affectionate tones. Likewise "Just who you are" in the way that you addressed to me indicates... negativity. But worse, deceit. Since it was no doubt unintended I will not hold a grudge for it.

Also I decide how I show respect to others. Which is subjective from person to person. So don't even go there if you don't want a story about flirting with knives. Just because something is normally one or the other doesn't mean it always is. If I am harsh it is for good reason. I also type long posts for a reason. Care enough about the matter to read through or don't. Reasons matter and I state them. Not reading my long posts is one thing, lecturing me about them when you haven't is another. I will not change how I do things just for your amusement. This is me being "nice". Negativity has it's place too. I'm actually thinking about making a thread about making negativity positive and how it is applied both in and out of BDSM.

P.S: Telling me to post shorter is only going to make me want to post longer.

SubDraco​(sub male){Caged} • Dec 27, 2017

I have never fully agreed with the "respect is earned" thought process, basic respect should be given as soon as you meet. If they do something to lose it then its gone, but until them.. be respectful.