New chapter in my life

New chapter in my life

lumpster​(sub male){No} • Dec 10, 2019

I am a older guy that was always taught that a man was suppose to be strong and in charge but I have never felt that. So I am taking a giant leap and coming out as a submissive. My question is where do I start? I have done lots of reading and research but how does one find a Dom? How does one find their limits? The questions are never ending lol

Mistress Maree​(dom female){Non} • Dec 10, 2019

Place an add on the relevant personals page..... you will find your limits when you are serving. Good luck on here Mz LeatherClad

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Dec 10, 2019

Where do you start? Try to break down things into small manageable pieces and it will fell less daunting. A friend has a saying I love "how do you eat an elephant" one bite at a time!

First try establish just what you want from BDSM.
You think your submissive so start there.
Questions are good. I like to say "Knowledge is a submissives shield". Knowledge keeps you safe(r). Safety just inst the Dommes responsibility.

What level of submission do you think you require?
Remember nothing is set in stone and you can grow in your role or change BUT when looking you at least owe the person your offering submission to, some basics such as do you want to be a slave? a submissive? a bottom? switch? do you want 24/7? bedroom only? downtime? Do you even know what each actually is? They are really not interchangeable terminology. Don't go offering to be something your not. Trust me, she will find out in a flash if your not what you offering her. Try to keep fantasy at bay while thinking about this and think realistically. While Fantasy is HOT, sometimes reality isn't so hot. If you have family where do they fit in with what your offering? Work? sports? hobbies etc...How does your life fit in with what you offer or what you want from BDSM.

Next ask yourself what do you offer with your submission. Do you bring a skills set that a Domme might find useful? what could you do to improve your chances with a Domme? How can or could you grow in your role.

then maybe think about your interests. A kink list or a kink negotiation list is a good place to begin looking into your likes (you can find these online if you cant find one your welcome to contact me). What would rock your world? what squicks you out? What would you tolerate for her? (its not all about you) What you don't know, find out about, self explore. Learn about your kinks, BE KNOWLEDGEABLE about your kinks, what will keep you alive! what will keep you breathing while you enjoy them? Can you answer why you dislike a kink. In short know yourself! Do you research on yourself and on the world you claim to want to be a part off.

get involved with your local community online and real time.
Online: jump in. Ask questions. Answer others. Blog about your journey. You make yourself known. Why do people drink coke or fanta? and seek it out? because its in everyone faces! its known and trusted. You can market yourself in the same way by using forums etc online.
Not sure how to find your local community? Google your "nearest city" and the words "BDSM" or "munches" you could even try "Femdom" "Femdomme" but you find will less results. Join your local community.

ASK, it really is, THAT simple to get started. Someone will point you in the general direction you need to go or answer your query in real time or online. Either way, you are reaching out and starting to interact with others.
the best way for a submissive to find a partner is to be proactive, not reactive. Don't sit waiting to be noticed..if your in service to a Domme, that wont be how your life will be. You will be expected to take self action too. So start now with looking, be proactive in the search.

It wont be easy. That's not due to your age or anything personal, that is due to the fact that single Dommes looking for partners, are rarer than rocking horse poo! but there enough of us looking, if you stand out for the right reasons and make the right efforts.

Best of luck in your search

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Dec 10, 2019

I forgot to add above...Use your profile to best of your ability. A profile is your face and your voice. It has about 10 seconds to impress someone to get them interested in you and reading further or wanting contact you. A profile is your calling card...it is your FIRST impression, you might not get another chance. Right now your miss using an opportunity that takes little effort. Right now what little you have, wont work for many Domme looking. You are one of thousands on this site alone looking, why should "she" (assuming your looking for a female) seek you? (again not personal, just trying to help)

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Dec 22, 2019

Well, between classes, play parties, and other events at Center for Sex Positive Culture ( thecspc.org ), local munches ( findamunch.com), and maybe even looking into FLR / female lead relationships ( shemakestherules.com) you have a lot of options for learning how to find a partner, especially depending on how close you live to Seattle.

As to limits, that's an odd one to try to figure out if you don't know. First I'd suggest checking other people's profiles and seeing what they list: do any of those suggestions gross you out (limit) or excite you (kink)? Common ones I see include:

* no bodily waste (brown, golden, and rainbow showers are actually kinks)
* no minors (it worries me that people feel the need to make this clear, because it should be assumed)
* no pets / animals (see above)
* nothing illegal (which is odd phrasing, considering that kink in general rides a very fine line into illegality)
* no extreme pain (which needs defining, because everyone's edge is different)
* no extreme humiliation (see above)
* no financial domination (I've yet to meet anyone who was actually into this in either direction)
* no professional domination (I guess some people solicit?)
* no tickling (usually tied to early life trauma)

Almost anything can be kinkified depending on the person, so basically consider anything that you have a serious dislike of and put it in your limits. Seriously, even if it's weird. Because if you don't list it as a limit but simply mention later on that you dislike it, someone *will* likely use it in a scene with you - either as punishment or just for amusement value. I've seen people tortured with Barney plushes, the sound of a chainsaw (no blade), and plastic spiders. I know someone who was subjected to "It's a Small World" on loop during an interrogation scene.

Are you allergic to anything? For crying out loud, add whatever your allergy triggers are to your limits list!

Seriously: unless you've got a serious kink for being able to endure your most hated experiences, just think about what would be a serious mood killer for you and jot it down as you recognize it.