Rant

Miki • Jun 15, 2022

The overall ratio of "men looking for women" to "women looking for men" has always been overwhelmingly "men looking for women" ---be it in here or other kink site-- or the vanilla dating sites, and for the middle-age and older set, the venerable "newspaper personals".

It must be frustrating but that's how a lot of people are wired.

I wish I had something more encouraging to say, but the best you can do is "never give up" and keep a variety of options open as to where you look.

... and don't look too hard. The old cliche "You'll find a good match easiest when you're not looking"-- holds some water.

But don't ever be too anxious, because those are the times when the only water you'll get will be when someone pisses on your head and tries to tell you it's raining.

nuovacane​(switch male) • Jun 15, 2022

I use relationship or collared status as a guide or a likelihood of the position someone is in rather than a statement that is 100% true. Someone might forget to change their online status when their real-life circumstances change for example.

Hopefully some kind of chat will clarify things although some people are less likely to join in with that which can be frustrating. As long as people are happy to communicate and be halfway decent then that's fine by me.

Dominantmanforyou​(dom male) • Jun 15, 2022

If it would be only 3:1 that would be great! I could live with that!
How about 100:1 male looking to available female, or even higher ratio! But again most sites are like that. If you want to increase your odds of finding someone you can fill in more details about yourself in your profile and post an image or two. You can also create your own website and that way you are the only one on that site. Of course good luck in having it listed on search engines....
This site is no different. I joined as I though it had a bit better class of clientele, only to find out it is NOT!

As other's mentioned some females are just dreaming of a Dom etc with impossible expectations, you can thank such idiotic and unrealistic BS as 50 Shades of Grey. I am sure this site and every other similar is just full of multi- millionaires, with their own private helicopters, several high end penthouses and sky chalets... They should actually go and advertise themselves on SugarDaddy and similar sites.

As for approaching female subs, simply you can't win. If you are taking the gentleman's route, being considerate many look at this as weak, if you take a bit more forceful approach than now you are too arrogant, either way very few have any kind of courtesy to even acknowledge that you spent time in a thoughtful reply to their profile. To them a NO reply is a reply, because according to them they get inundated and can't respond to all or they just get harassed by the same people all the time! I guess they never heard of BLOCKING the profile out.
Or they preach to you not to reply to "owned , under consideration or collared" without knowing the fact just to whom you wrote. The so called "normal" for these persons, is to lump you in with those who are clearly arrogant, blame you for their own insecurities, insincerity, and self-indulgent! God forbid you take a stand to their abusive commitments and delete them they love to dish it out but can't take it.

The best approach is just to be yourself, and give it time if they like you great, and if not it is their loss, not yours!

Solace​(dom male) • Jun 15, 2022

I believe Dominantmanforyou's language might come off as rather indiscriminate. I don't believe that is his attention, and if it is I can't say he is a voice for all of us. I am very fortunate individual on the site, and I've had the incredible pleasure of speaking with many exceptional girls here. They don't deserve a poor review from me which may be implied here.

That being said, I myself have felt many of Dominantmanforyou's listed frustrations. In my society men typically message first, and its easy for it to feel like a lopsided gamble with extraordinarily rare feedback. Some ladies like it kinky from the start, others certainly do not. Others prefer a detailed eye catching first message that displays wit and charm, but may never respond simply because your message is lost in the flood or they're already conversing with someone. Without a reply should one message again? Or would that make us look pushy even if our message was simply misplaced? This information, is almost always not explicit in their profile, the only information we Gentlemen have.

At the same time though...Why shouldn't a woman be these things? They have the options. They should choose the best one and be picky about it because they can be. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I'm actually saying anyone who has options should carefully consider them with discrimination. This is how online dating works. Until it changes men and women must play by these rules.

So Ladies. From the bottom of my and other Gentleman's hearts...please fill out your profile and keep it current. Relationship status... A picture of sorts so for those of us for whom it matters can skip subjecting you to the "Am I attracted to you?" question. Some vague details in your bio for us to open with, something we con connect to or be witty about. And because this is kink site, something about your kink because that is what binds us a semi like minded individuals here.

And Gentlemen...Please do the same. So the ladies who do give you the time of day to review you can make a fair enough decision. Ladies please know that if any of you find my profile lacking, I encourage you to message me your feedback for my consideration. I try to keep it succinct but descriptive.

Ms MaryJane{NOT LOOKIN} • Jun 15, 2022

Well I think also not all use this as a platform to find a play partner. This isn't meant to be a dating site. This is a place for kinksters to meet and chat with other kinksters. A safe place for discussions ( here in the forums or chat). people sharing their journeys with us through blogs as well as education with the articles and podcasts. A place to make connections across the world.
Single doesn't mean they are looking. Married doesn't mean they aren't looking.
If you are using this as your only way of possibly meeting someone to have a D/s connection with you are limiting yourself.
As some have said, maybe expand on your profile more. Share who you are as a person not just what you are looking for in a sub.

I wish you luck on finding your someone

komlinlorn​(switch male) • Jun 15, 2022

Well said. Kink shouldn’t only be about the tributes and short Term pleasures but could be a beautiful part of life if the right connections are made.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jun 16, 2022

Cutting right to the chase: your profile doesn’t give any indication of who you are. You’ve been a member since September 2020 but you’ve only written to three Forum posts and your profile is devoid of any personal information about you. I’ve been in this online community a short bit. Longer than some, not as long as others. I never went looking but I’ve found some awesome individuals. I did so by becoming a member and participating. Kind of like in my neighborhood, I wave and smile as I walk around. And then when I stop to chat with someone, they’ve seen me before. And we actually get to know each other. I’m not just some perv sneaking up to glance through their window late at night (or maybe I am. . . . Never mind)

My point is, you dropping a message or email on a dozen girls with zero context isn’t going to lead anywhere if they have nothing to go on. It’s like some peeping tom sneaking by. As was indicated above, improve your profile with something about you. Maybe write a few blogs or increase your activity on Forums. I haven’t done the chat rooms ever, but some people enjoy them so maybe that’s your gig.

And very much like Ms. Mary Jane indicated, not everyone is on here searching for a soul mate, or even a play date. Some of us just like conversations and education (D or s, male or female).

All the best in your searches.

agree

LordofPain56 • Jun 16, 2022

Never was a more true statement uttered.
Beyond the obvious financial wants, he has to be exactly what she is looking for, but if there is ONE thing in his profile that causes her concern, she skips it and goes on the the next.
But when you have a forum available that is so easy to access dozens and dozens of profiles, why not?

Ingénue{VK} • Jun 16, 2022

Waves cheerfully at anyone with humiliation, degradation or a fucking good lecture as their kink. Points up at this Dominant as a useful source. Thank me later

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Jun 16, 2022

How amusing to read someone bemoaning women looking for the “impossible” and then reading the same person’s profile and his unrealistic expectations of the type of woman he seeks.