tallslenderguy(other male)
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1 year ago •
Dec 27, 2022
Re: Highly experienced sub struggling on how to introduce, e BluBrat wrote: I'm a alpha female sub, highly experienced and educated in the life. I was mentored by a bdsm old guard certified Master. I have found the man of my dreams but he has little to no knowledge of bdsm.
I know so much and in a very wide veratiy of the life. I don't know how or even where to start with out overloading my fiancé. He is very excited and wanting to learn. Everytime I try to help guide or teach him a little of the life I get frusterated and overwhelmed myself because it toke me almost 2 decades and years of mentorship and face to face experiences to learn what I have. I crave and live the life 24/7 always have, all the amazing wonderful people that taught me are no longer around so I'm just kinda at a lose as far as how I should help him gain knowledge. I find myself jumping from one topic to another in an instant. And using terms he has no idea of what they even mean. My fiancé is also getting frusterated becuase I start teaching him then I just stop because I get lost in all my knowledge and I don't know what direction to take, topic wise. I go way to fast for him, best way I can discribe its like word vomit lol. Not to be grose but it's an eruption of history, facts, terms and life experiences erupting from me all at once. My poor fiance often has took on a deer in the headlights look when I try to teach and guide him into the life. Help? i'm just speculating out loud, voicing thoughts since you ask. i don't know all the details and would not presume to tell you what to do. That said: to me there is an elephant in the room, a wide gap between you and he. You "crave and live the life 24/7, always have," "...but he has little to no knowledge [or experience?] of bdsm." i think that is important. Personally, i think it's vital. If you are both already getting frustrated, i think that is also telling? This is a tough one. i don't think it's all that uncommon for people to 'fall in love' and be mismatched. But i think it's important that the "dreams" part of of a relationship be balanced with a practical side. Maybe sit down and write out a list of your needs instead of trying to just talk about them. Take a bite at a time instead of trying to approach the big picture. Find one thing that is important to you, at the top of your need list, and find out if it has resonance with him. Then just stick to that for awhile without going into other stuff. One of the first challenges i find with you situation is we discover our needs over time and with experience, something he does not have, so the whole venture is risky. He may think he has interest in something, and time and experience may prove other. i personally think it's a mistake we make when we love someone, to try and give them something we do not have to give. You know what you have and what you need, he does not have that yet. sorry, i don't mean to be a wet blanket, these are only my thoughts and feelings. |
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ChuckDaddy(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Dec 27, 2022
Everything you are working from, and all the wrong angels you are getting from are WRONG.
Just sub. And take time. Depending on HOW you want to sub, just give him space, and time. And explore for yourself whether what you really want is to be a sub, or whether you want you to dominate the way in which you are subbed. If you give him the room to space and explore, he will find the boundaries of what makes him happy to dominate. Give hime opportunities. If he dousen't know what he wants, start with the most basic. "Prone Bone". Telll him he can do anything he wants with you. Tell him you are a sex doll. Tell him it doesn't matter whether you enjoy it or not. Tell him it dooesn't matter whether you cum or not. Maybe this has nothing to do with where he lands in terms of a domming in the long term, but it is a window for exploration. If he doesn't want to treat you like a sex toy, it will force him to show you how he wants you to respond (mild resistance, enthusiasitc subjegation, etc...). If you want him to be the dom, create the situation for him to try out what that means for him. Most likely it means he has seen has things in porn that he thinks are too extreme or too denigrating for someone he restpects. Tell hime to do the worst thin too you he can think of, and he'll probably come up with the 1/3 worst he can come up with, and go from there.... |
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I'mME
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1 year ago •
Dec 27, 2022
Re: Highly experienced sub struggling on how to introduce, e tallslenderguy wrote: BluBrat wrote: I'm a alpha female sub, highly experienced and educated in the life. I was mentored by a bdsm old guard certified Master. I have found the man of my dreams but he has little to no knowledge of bdsm.
I know so much and in a very wide veratiy of the life. I don't know how or even where to start with out overloading my fiancé. He is very excited and wanting to learn. Everytime I try to help guide or teach him a little of the life I get frusterated and overwhelmed myself because it toke me almost 2 decades and years of mentorship and face to face experiences to learn what I have. I crave and live the life 24/7 always have, all the amazing wonderful people that taught me are no longer around so I'm just kinda at a lose as far as how I should help him gain knowledge. I find myself jumping from one topic to another in an instant. And using terms he has no idea of what they even mean. My fiancé is also getting frusterated becuase I start teaching him then I just stop because I get lost in all my knowledge and I don't know what direction to take, topic wise. I go way to fast for him, best way I can discribe its like word vomit lol. Not to be grose but it's an eruption of history, facts, terms and life experiences erupting from me all at once. My poor fiance often has took on a deer in the headlights look when I try to teach and guide him into the life. Help? i'm just speculating out loud, voicing thoughts since you ask. i don't know all the details and would not presume to tell you what to do. That said: to me there is an elephant in the room, a wide gap between you and he. You "crave and live the life 24/7, always have," "...but he has little to no knowledge [or experience?] of bdsm." i think that is important. Personally, i think it's vital. If you are both already getting frustrated, i think that is also telling? This is a tough one. i don't think it's all that uncommon for people to 'fall in love' and be mismatched. But i think it's important that the "dreams" part of of a relationship be balanced with a practical side. Maybe sit down and write out a list of your needs instead of trying to just talk about them. Take a bite at a time instead of trying to approach the big picture. Find one thing that is important to you, at the top of your need list, and find out if it has resonance with him. Then just stick to that for awhile without going into other stuff. One of the first challenges i find with you situation is we discover our needs over time and with experience, something he does not have, so the whole venture is risky. He may think he has interest in something, and time and experience may prove other. i personally think it's a mistake we make when we love someone, to try and give them something we do not have to give. You know what you have and what you need, he does not have that yet. sorry, i don't mean to be a wet blanket, these are only my thoughts and feelings. You have excellent instincts and I quite enjoy reading your thoughts. |
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DominusRex(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Dec 28, 2022
I agree with Solace above that writing might be the best way for you to convey what you want from him. I'm assuming that he already has innate dominance or you wouldn't have come this far. Is that accurate to say? If that is the case, then he eventually will get there with patience. Personalities are innate but knowledge is learned. I would also ask him what his fantasies are. When he thinks about dominating you, what scenarios play out in his mind? Ask him to write it down or record it for you verbally. You can communicate, the same way, what you like about it and how you feel you could help make that happen. Obviously you need to do the same thing with your own scenarios but it is important for him to feel confident so that his dominant side can truly emerge comfortably.
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B L O N D I E(sub female)
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1 year ago •
Dec 28, 2022
I would recommend that you do some serious soul-searching of your own about how dominant you need your partner to be. Would you be with this guy if he wasn't dominant at all or if he doesn't develop into being as dominant as you want him to be?
I got involved with a man who was not innately dominant on his own and the relationship eneded because (among other reasons) he wasn't as dominant as I needed him to be. I wanted full TPE and he didn't develop into being comfortable with that. You need to decide how far you're willing to go to wait and find out rather than trying to find someone who already is the dominant you need them to be. |
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MasterDomDok(sadist male){you?}
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1 year ago •
Dec 29, 2022
Get Fiancée a login here, sitting beside Him, [kneeling at his feet] while he wanders around. The newbie articles in the magazine section are very basic, so he should be able to get it. Let him do the wandering, and keep your mouth shut until he asks for details. Personally, I find the BDSM porn on xHamster to be of such varied levels he is bound to find something he can relate to, when you grab his knee, and point.
There is an excellent book titled "Nine and a Half Weeks" that is a wonderful place to start him off, too. Do your regular routine submission things you were used to do while collared to your Old School Dom. With Fiancée watching, use your wiles on him, but be very careful to keep the topping from the bottom to an absolute minimum. You want to have him discover his own style of driving you crazy. |
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trixietrixster(sub female)
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1 year ago •
Dec 31, 2022
There is so much to learn, and, we all go at our own pace, which can be slow or more in-depth at a faster speed. There is no set fime frame and rules. Altho you can do some things, like make a list of what terms mean, make a reading list, go over an activity checklist and explain what they mean, he is the Dominant and needs to do the majority of the legwork. Just wondering if you have had the conversation, that while you both want him to be in a Dominant role, perhaps it's just not who and what he is ...
I hope everything works out! |
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| Doogs(switch male) |
1 year ago •
Dec 31, 2022
I guess the big question being asked here is how to fast track your partner into being a individual thinking dom ... Time and patience!
Reading your story and some other thoughts in this post I kept going back to the thought of watching relevant porn together, not for the turn on factor (but if that happens .....) just to enable him to expand his mind on what you need and what it is to have control, then talk about the particular scene "the good bad and ugly", what turns you both on off etc. I know a lot of the porn stuff is staged without much emotion but I think it could be a good starting point to get the brain ticking. Good luck |
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dollMaker(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Dec 31, 2022
Break down what you want to teach and keep each lesson simple and focused. Write down a lesson plan and break it down into what you want to impart, how, and what you want to achieve. This will help you stay foccused and not allow drifting. Maybe a bit dry as an approach but taking structured elements from formal teaching practice will help here, the practical application of the lesson will be the more fun bit. Look up creating a lesson plan to guide you, but keep it basic and simple, less in your situation will be more I think.
That you have a willing student puts you way ahead as most kink vanilla pairings don’t work out as the vanilla person often can’t be kinked. I wish you the best, and hope it works out. |
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trixietrixster(sub female)
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1 year ago •
Dec 31, 2022
Your post of "I promiss if it's just slowed downed and I will gradually cum along, I love u and truly thought we was both making gains. Some days more so than others. Also if u would only truly submit, let down all guards and inhibitions... Trust and believe I'm always gonna place u above any and one else" doesn't even sound like the same person who wrote the original post for several reasons ...
1. Sounds like a submissive with not a lot of knowledge/experience, yet, your post indicates you are "highly experienced" ... 2. The original post was very well written and thought out, this is just a bunch of words thrown together with some "textspeak" ... 3. Why would you, a submissive, say "if u would only truly submit" ... Maybe it's just me, but, something just seems off ... |
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