Reminder: Pace Yourself!

Reminder: Pace Yourself!

kdramalover​(switch female) • Dec 26, 2022

In the life of BDSM, one must be willing to adhere to a different conception of time. Pacing is not a very well practiced process among others, at least, that's what I am finding here. When getting to know a person, that takes time. Time, sure, moves forward gracefully but that's not how we live our lives. We are often lost in memories and events with people who may or may be here and that traverses the concept of time.

What brought on such thoughts: Well, I was recently blocked by a user on here because I didn't respond fast enough to their messages. I find that for me, a true conversation doesn't always need a fast response. I like to process what I am reading and what I am talking about as well as think about what I want to say in response back. That takes time. Getting to know someone takes time.

I think a great analogy for getting to know someone is like masturbation. There are many different ways to indulge in pleasure. You can stroke very fast or very slow. You can grip very tight or be scarce in your touch. You might enjoy a very cold sensation as opposed to a warm one. The point is, all of these are a process that takes time to get whatever result you want. I enjoy a slow but steady stroke. I like a tight grip in certain areas and the teasing of a scarce touch. A cool sensation is preferable.

So just a reminder to not be afraid to play with your pacing. But also be mindful that other people function at different paces. If someone isn't responding to your message, don't assume they are ignoring you. I personally am not on this site everyday. And I personally like to take my time getting to know someone. I'm not going to change that aspect of myself because others don't like it. If anything, it keeps me from anything that it not meant for me.

Miki • Dec 27, 2022

Pacing oneself is good life advice whether one is fully into BDSM, which some refer to as "the lifestyle" or others who aren't into it at all, or those such as myself who is only into certain aspects of BDSM but I do not let it define me or how I live and function in the day-to-day. Some things must be fast-paced, but that's more often than not work-related.

As for someone blocking you for not responding fast enough, well, they can go scratch their ass.

Personally, I seldom have had that ("Jump or I'll block you!") trouble, but there have been conversations I have had begin, go on for a little while, and end once they figure out that I really am "Not Looking"-- That's fine. No hard feelings and
no skin off my nose...

But those who block because someone doesn't jump and reply within a set period of time-- all I can say is those conversations likely would have been short lived and largely useless anyway. You're better off without them.

DominusRex​(dom male) • Dec 28, 2022

Miki and kdramalover, I agree with you both 100%. Personally I tend to use all social media in an inconsistent, off and on manner. This is could be according to my mood or my busy schedule. It always astonishes me how angry some people can get when an online response is not fast enough to their liking. I experience this as a man so I would imagine it is far worse for women with all the insecure, entitled boys out there.

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Jan 2, 2023

I have recently experienced that myself, though not here - on another lifestyle site - where I stepped away for a distraction and when I came back to the conversation. I found I could no longer reply to said individual, as they had blocked me. Which was strange as they had stepped away the other day without warning or word. And I figured they simply went on with their day.

I have been the old fashioned adult of the conversation - wherein I have announced my intention to depart as I had things that needed doing. Then when I tried to restart the conversation at a later time. I found them to be non-responsive to my inquiry, despite us having a good conversation.

So, it is just a matter of who you are talking to and their... I don't want to say maturity level, because the lady who blocked me above was a peer in age to me - according to her profile. But perhaps, it has to do with the individuals experience with others online - that has caused some to be quick with the block button...?

I'mME • Jan 2, 2023

@Kurai Mori,

Expecting someone to let the other person know that they have things to do, place to go, or just that the day is getting away from them ....when in a conversation online is not an old fashioned notion.

IT IS CALLED HAVING MANNERS. IT IS CALLED BEING RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS .....
ITS CALLED BEING A HUMAN BEING.

There is so much more to expound on with this subject, but the things I wrote in all caps (at least in my mind) should be already instilled in persons who are old enough to be on this site legally.

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Jan 2, 2023

@I'mME;
It could be argued, that it is also generational, those of us old enough to remember the older forms of communication. Tend to still use those skills taught to us - back then. Whereas newer generations who haven't been so educated do not???

But like you said, there is so much more to the subject than just what is being said here.

And the narrative, I suspect, will never be completely discussed.

I'mME • Jan 2, 2023

@Kurae Mori,

What could be argued it's generational?

SirTOuTOO​(dom male){~ 2u2 ~} • Jan 3, 2023

- The slow fuse..... the burning ember,... the long haul,... stamina. Are all good for the 'rinse & repeats' over time.
.
But let's 'light up the sky' with VIGOR,... PASSION & CHEMISTRY,... when the 'look' is given and returned.
.
Happy new year folks.
.
2u2

Re: Reminder: Pace Yourself!

InqSci​(dom male) • Jan 5, 2023

Boom.. Post of the Year Nominee.

What could be MORE delicious that SLOWLY learning what makes another human tick? What they like? What they don't?
We have become so used to instant gratification in our Smart Phone world... we need to step back to the Dewey Decimal System.... take it slow... let the angst build.
The longer the play, the bigger the pleasure... of everything.
There is a lesson to be learned about the young bull and old bull talking about the cows before them. -- Slow. Direct. Focused. Make your lover the only thing in this universe for the time you are with them.

Great Post.

Miki • Jan 6, 2023

I seldom return to posts I comment on because I say my bit and that's it (for me and me alone) -- and I did not intend the rhyme.

But I had to speak up and say that the quoted post speaks volumes. Why should common decency (manners) be a "generational" topic? Do they mean to say "I'm from Generation FuckItAll and what you tell me means nothing"?

Yes of course one generation seeks to differentiate itself from the next.. "Mom vs Daughter" "Dad vs Son" and all that represents...

BUT Manners, civility, and the recognition of the other end of a conversation/relationship as a valid person and point of view .. should have NO expiration date.


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It might be.. just "might" mind you (RHET) why there is so much discord in this day and age.

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Enough of all that shit. Comedy Relief Time!

The true way to discover the intentions of your lover is to Fart-Box them.

If they call back you got yourself a winner!

Rock On!